


We Are Young

by highladycasandra



Series: The Greatest [1]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas, Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: A Court of Thornes and Roses, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Hockey, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Skating, Crossover, Crossover but really only for 2 chapters, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Heartache, High School, Hockey, M/M, Mentions of Lyria, Minor Character Death, Slow Burn, Teen Pregnancy, Teen Romance, Throne of Glass, figure skating, mentions of Sam - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-16 13:17:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 85,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11829522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/highladycasandra/pseuds/highladycasandra
Summary: Senior Rowan Whitethorn is new to town and things are surprising going well. It doesn’t take him long to get used to a new school, make new friends, even join the local hockey team. But it also doesn’t take him long to meet sophomore and figure skater Aelin Galathynius. And it doesn’t take him long to realize one thing; he can’t stand her. He wants nothing to do with her. Too bad he always passes her not just in the school hallways but at the rink as well.Wild parties. Relationship drama. Family drama. Cheating. Fights. Tons of sex. Plus practice at 3 and a chem test Monday. That’s high school life for you.





	1. Prologue

Rowan couldn’t help but feel a bit foolish as he stepped into the cafeteria, lunch tray in hand. He stood in the doorway for a moment, eyes moving from table to table. He observed the crowds around him, looking for a head of golden hair.

 _Relieved_ wasn’t actually the right word he’d use for when Fenrys invited him to sit at his table during lunch. But he did feel the slightest bit grateful. He wasn’t particularly looking forward to spending another lunch by himself. Plus he thought he was doing pretty well. Only three days into the school year at a new school and he was already, somewhat, making friends. Hopefully when he told his mother this, she’d get off his back.

Though he wouldn’t exactly call Fenrys a friend at this point. He simply seen the Pittsburgh Penguins patch on Rowan’s backpack in the bio class they shared and deemed Rowan interesting enough to talk to. Turns out Fenrys was a Penguins fan too. And that’s basically all it took for him to invite Rowan to sit with him at lunch.

Thankfully, he wasn’t standing too long when he spotted golden hair pulled back in a low pony tail. With long strides, Rowan made his way over to the table. He wasn’t typically a nervous person, but he still tried not to pay too much attention to the other bodies sitting around the table.

“Hey man,” Fenrys grinned up at him before pointing to the chair on his right. “Take a seat.”

Rowan nodded. He couldn’t help but notice the silence that fell over the table as he sat down.

“So. Introductions,” Fenrys leaned forward on the table, a broad smile on his lips as he pointed to his friends one at a time. “This is Lorcan, Aedion, Vaughan, and my brother Connall. Guys, this is Rowan.” If possible, his smile grew bigger. “He’s a Penguins fan.”

The dark haired one - _Lorcan_ \- and the one with blonde hair, blue eyes - _Aedion_ \- nodded in approval. While Connall groaned and Vaughan rolled his eyes.

“Of course he is,” Connall grumbled, leaning back in his chair and taking a big sip of his drink.

“Con’s a Flyers fan,” Vaughan explained, wrapping an arm around Connall’s chair as Fenrys nodded.

“It makes hockey nights at our house very interesting.”

“Do you play?” Lorcan crossed his arms over his broad chest. He leaned back in his chair as he studied Rowan with narrowed eyes.

Rowan raised an eyebrow in response. He got the feeling Lorcan wasn’t the exactly warmest person in the world.

“I did,” Rowan nodded. “Back in my old town.”

“What position?”

“Centre.”

Lorcan nodded, almost in approval. He held Rowan’s gaze for another moment before turning back to his lunch.

“You should come to tryouts next week,” Aedion took a bite of his pizza before continuing. “For the Rifthold Royals. If you’re still into hockey, that is.”

Rowan didn’t think he’d ever not be into hockey. He loved it. He grew up playing it. His father was a hockey player all through his school years. So the moment Rowan learned to walk, his father put him in a pair of skates. He played as a kid and all through middle school. He was on his school’s hockey team - The Doranelle Whitetails - before the move. He actually remembered playing against the Rifthold Royals a number of times in the past. And he had to admit, they were a good team.

“You don’t just _stop_ being into hockey, dude.” Fenrys rolled his eyes, picking up his soda can. “We’re all on the team,” Aedion continued on as if

“We’re all on the team,” Aedion continued on as if Fenrys hadn’t spoken. He looked up, meeting Rowan’s gaze with a daring smile. “We could use a good centre.”

“Fuck off, Ashryver.” Lorcan’s razor sharp glare flickered to Aedion. But the blonde simply gave him a smirk and the finger in return.

“I’ll definitely consider it,” Rowan said as he took a bite of his cheeseburger. And it was true, he would. Hockey was the one thing that kept him grounded. Hockey never changed even when everything else around him did. Plus, joining the hockey team would _definitely_ get his mom off his back.

The banter continued on for a few moments longer, with the members of the table trying to include Rowan as best as they could. Then Aedion suddenly perked up. He glanced over Lorcan’s shoulder, a smile forming on his lips.

Fenrys let out a whistle as Aedion started to gather up his things.

“Ditching us for your girl again, Ashryver?”

“She smells better than you guys,” Aedion commented, taking one last bite of his pizza as he stood up.

“I’m offended.”

“Plus, she gives me sex,” Aedion shrugged, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “And last I checked, none of you swing my way. Besides Connall and Vaughan, who are too in love to even look my way. So yes, I’m ditching you for my girl. Unless,” Aedion turned to Lorcan and started batting his eyelashes. “I can change your mind?”

“Get out of here before I punch your face in,” Lorcan growled, causing Aedion to let out a howling laugh as he walked away.

“He does this a lot,” Connall explained to Rowan once Aedion was out of earshot. “His cousin and his girl are best friends, so he usually spends half of lunch with us, the other with them.”

“It’s annoying,” Fenrys added. “I liked him better before Lysandra came along.”

Vaughan rolled his eyes but couldn’t keep the smile from playing on his lips. “Stop being so dramatic. He did the same thing when Aelin-”

Lorcan let out a snort, causing Vaughan to trail off. There was a look of hatred in his eyes as he rolled them back in his head.

“Aelin Galathynius.” The name was laced with detest as Lorcan moved his gaze to Rowan. “She likes to think she’s the Queen of the school. When in reality, she’s a bitch.”

“And you call me dramatic.” Fenrys dripped a fry in ketchup before shoving it into his mouth.

Rowan shifted his narrowed gaze from Lorcan to Fenrys and back again. He wasn’t sure how liable Lorcan’s word was. Hell, he wasn’t sure how reliable _any_ of their words were. He’d only just met them. He had no reason not to trust them. But at the same time, Lorcan came off a bit… ruthless. Cold. Lorcan snapped something at

Lorcan snapped something at Fenrys, but Rowan wasn’t paying attention. His gaze moved to the table Aedion now sat at.

“The brunette is Lysandra, Aedion’s girl.” Connall explained upon following Rowan’s gaze. “The blonde is Aelin.”

Really, Rowan could have guessed that without being told. Aedion and Lysandra’s backs were to him, but he could see Aelin’s face perfectly. There was no denying the relation between her and Aedion. They had the same facial features for the most part. The same blonde hair - Aedion’s fell to his shoulders while Aelin’s seemed to flow down her back. The same eyes, light blue, ringed with the slightest gold.

He wasn’t blind or stupid, there was no denying she was a beauty. But there was something else. The way her full lips slowly started to turn up in a smirk. The way she flicked her long, blonde hair over her shoulder as she laughed at something that someone had said. The glint in her eyes as she turned to the dark-haired girl sitting on her right. There was this carefree air about her. It made her seem untouchable. Or at least, made her _think_ she was untouchable.

Honestly, Rowan didn’t really care for people who thought all high and mighty about themselves.

“She’s only a sophomore, but she acts like she’s the ruler of us all,” Lorcan glanced over his shoulder. He glared daggers at Aelin for a moment before turning back around. “Someone needs to knock that bitch down a few pegs.”

“Shut up, man,” Connall stole a fry off Vaughan’s plate as he rolled his eyes. “She’s not that bad.”

“Whatever,” Lorcan waved him off, picking up his drink before pointing at Rowan. “Just wait until you meet her. Trust me, you’ll want nothing more than to bite her head off.”

The bickering continued on for a moment longer before switching over to the tryouts next week. But Rowan stopped listening. He moved his narrowed gaze back to Aelin’s table.

He watched as she shoved a piece of chocolate cake into her mouth. Aedion or Lysandra must have said something to her because she rolled her eyes, her lips forming words he couldn’t make out.

Then, her gaze clashed with his.

Her gold-rimmed eyes met his green ones. She held his gaze for a moment before making a show of slowly moving her eyes up and down, surveying what she could see of him. Rowan narrowed his eyes harder at her as the corner of her lips started to turn up. She raised an elegant eyebrow at him, slowly leaning back in her chair. But Rowan just held her gaze for a second longer, before rolling his own eyes and looking away.

He turned back to the boys, only to find Lorcan watching him with a smirk on his lips.

“Told you,” He said. “She’s insufferable.”

Rowan didn’t say anything. Though he couldn’t help but silently agree. Which wasn’t really fair, he’d admit. He didn’t actually know the girl after all. But from the look on her face as she sized him up and the smile that was pulling on her lips, he didn’t know if he wanted to.

He knew girls like Aelin Galathynius. And they were more trouble than they were worth.


	2. It seemed he already hated her.

“Coach is going to kill you.”

Aelin had to resist the urge to roll her eyes. She glanced over at Nehemia, but the dark skinned beauty was too busy backing into a parking spot of the school parking lot to pay her any attention.

“ _Uncle Orlon_ ,” The car came to a stop and Aelin sent Nehemia another pointed look - “Isn’t going to kill me for added a little extra sugar in my coffee.” A pause. “Uncle Weylan might though.”

“There are several things wrong with your statement,” Lysandra spoke up from the back of the car. She leant forward to look at herself in the rearview mirror, fixing her hair as she spoke. “One, you got a gingerbread latte and added three extra packets of sugar. I wouldn’t call that ‘a little’. And two,” Lysandra turned, sending Aelin a deadly smile. “Coach Weylan will  _definitely_  kill you when he finds out.”

“ _If_  he finds out.” Aelin smirked, taking a big sip of her over sugared drink.

Nehemia couldn’t help but snort as she unbuckled her seatbelt. “Of course he’s going to find out. Coach Weylan finds out everything.”

Lysandra nodded in agreement. “I hope you’re ready for all those on-ice push-ups.”

“Oh, will you two shut up?” This time, Aelin did roll her eyes. “You’re being overdramatic.”

“You’re not seriously calling  _us_  overdramatic right now.” Lysandra let out a barking laugh. “Have you met yourself?”

“We are talking about the same Uncle and coach, right? The one Aedion calls a ‘cold, hard bastard?’ The one who made you do twenty minutes of stroking around the rink because you ate a chocolate bar before practice?” Nehemia raised an eyebrow.

“Okay fine,” Aelin pushed opened the car door. She stepped out into the crowded parking lot with Nehemia following her lead. “Uncle Weylan is going to kill me when he finds out. But at least I’ll die with my stomach happy and full of sugary goodness.”

Nehemia rolled her eyes in good nature, a laugh leaving her lips. She reached into the car, grabbing her bag as Lysandra stepped out of the back seat.

“God,” She stretched her arms over her head, ponytail swaying. “Having a month off this summer ruined me. We’re already over a month into the season and I still feel out of shape.”

“One would think all the time you and Aedion spend together would keep you fit.” Nehemia stated bluntly, raising an eyebrow.

A smirk started to form on Lysandra’s lips as the girls made their way across the parking lot, towards the school.

“Oh, you have no idea. We can literally go for  _hours_. And he does this thing, with his tongue, where-”

“Stop right there,” Aelin groaned, causing Lysandra and Nehemia to laugh. “I do  _not_  need to hear this about my cousin. Especially when it’s with my best friend.”

Lysandra throw an arm around Aelin’s shoulders. “Listen. You left me this summer to run around in Italy. And Nehemia,” She nodded her head in the girl’s direction, “Worked all summer. So I needed someone to hang out with.”

The look on Nehemiah’s face was devilish. “And instead you got someone to  _make out_  with.”

Aelin laughed, taking a sip of her drink. Lysandra dropped her arm before turning to Nehemia with a playful stern look on her face.

“Someone thinks they’re funny this morning.”

“I’m always funny.”

Lysandra rolled her eyes as another laugh left Aelin’s lips. She started to say something when someone strutted past her, just barely missing her shoulder.

“Oh Aelin,” Kaltain stopped just before the steps of the school, turning to face the trio, her black hair flying behind her. “I didn’t see you there.”

“Oh Kaltain,” Aelin crooned, giving her a sickly sweet smile, “Go away.”

Kaltain made a show of looking Aelin up and down. “I see you still haven’t gotten rid of all the italian food you ate this summer.”

“Aren’t you just extra bitchy this morning,” Lysandra crossed her arms over her chest, eyes narrowed.

But Aelin wasn’t falling into the trap. Instead, the grin on her face widened.

“And I see all the extra practice you did this summer paid off. I heard you can now land your triple toe.”

Kaltain blinked, taken aback by Aelin’s comment. But the look of confusion quickly vanished and was replaced by a smug one instead.

“I did. That’s what happens when you practice instead of taking fancy trips around the world.”

“Well, I’m proud of you,” Aelin’s grin turned deadly. “Though, if you were having that much trouble, I would have gladly helped you. Y’know, since I’ve been landing that jump for over a year now.”

Kaltain’s gaze turned murderous. Aelin could see Lysandra biting back a laugh out of the corner of her eye.

“Though it’s really nice that Coach Perrington practiced with you all summer,” Nehemia spoke up. Her voice friendly but holding a cold, hard tone to it. “Some of us just need more practice than others.”

The dark haired girl narrowed her eyes. She took a step forward, but before she could say anything, someone called her name. She looked over her shoulder, a smile forming on her lips at the sight of her friends at the top of the stairs. She turned back around, casting Aelin one last dirty look before stomping up the stairs.

“It amazes me that she can skate with that stick so far up her ass.” Lysandra sighed as they made their way up the stairs of the school.

“Does she bother you even the slightest bit?” Nehemia glanced over at Aelin, who couldn’t help but laugh.

“Not even a little bit,” she grinned. “She’s a determined bitch, but that’s not enough to make it in figure skating. You need to have fun with it. Which is something she lacks.”

“That was very deep. I’m impressed.” Lysandra teased, but Aelin just sent her a lazy smirk.

“Wise words from World’s Champion Orlon Galathynius.” She smiled. “Plus, she could use some sugar in her diet. It might absorb some of that ego.” Aelin tipped her drink before taking a big sip.

Nehemia rolled her eyes, a smile on her lips, as Lysandra laughed.

The girls finally walked through the main doors of the school. The crowd grew thicker once they were inside. Students were chatting and laughing, making their way to their lockers and classrooms.

“Look who it is,” Nehemia teased as they turned down the hallway. “Lover boy.”

Aelin followed her gaze, and sure enough, Aedion was standing at his locker. His golden hair was pulled back in a small, messy pony tail. He placed some books in his bag before closing his locker and looking up. A smile broke out on his face when he found the girls making their way towards them.

“Good morning, ladies.” He said to them all before pulling Lysandra in, giving her a kiss.

Aelin groaned half-heartedly as she propped her hip against the lockers. “Great. Now I can puke up my drink. At least Uncle Weylan won’t have a problem anymore.”

“Oh shut up.” Aedion wrapped an arm around Lysandra’s waist, turning to his cousin. “You love the fact that we’re dating.”

“I can’t even lie right now. Because I actually do.” A broad smile stretched across Aelin’s lips. “I’d love it more if I didn’t have to witness the kissing, though.”

Aedion rolled his eyes, laughter leaving his lips. Then suddenly, as if a light bulb went off in his head, he turned to Lysandra.

“Speaking of kissing,” he winked, “We’ll have to postpone our date. Coach added an extra practice tonight because of the big game next week. So I’m going over to Rowan’s after school for an hour or so before heading to the rink.”

“Rowan as in new guy Rowan?” Lysandra raised a teasing eyebrow. “Should I be jealous?”

“Nah. He’s hot, but I only have eyes for you, Lys.” He pressed a kiss onto her forehead, pulling her closer.

Lysandra rolled her green eyes, a small smile pulling on her lips. “Damn right.”

“And what about me?” Aelin raised an eyebrow. “You were supposed to be my ride home.”

Aedion stared at her for a moment before turning his pleading gaze to Nehemia.

“Can’t,” Nehemia shook her head. “I have work after school.”

Aedion swore softly under his breath. He bit his lip, looking around the crowded hallway as if he could pull someone random student aside and get them to bring her home. A few desperate moments later he sighed.

“I’ll bring you home, I guess.” He sounded so defeated that Aelin couldn’t help but huff and roll her eyes.

“Don’t sound too excited.” Her voice was laced with sarcasm. “Sorry I’m cutting into your  _Rowan time_.”

Aedion rolled his eyes, his lips moving to say something when the warning bell for first period rang throughout the school.

“Saved by the bell,” He threw Aelin a smirk before turning to Lysandra. “Can I walk you to your first class?”

“I think I can make it there myself, asshole.” She teased before tossing her bag over his shoulder. “But it you must, you can carry my bag while you’re at it.”

Aedion mumbled something under his breath as Lysandra flipped her hair over her shoulder. Aelin couldn’t help but laugh as he followed her best friend down the hallway like a lost puppy.

“So,” Nehemia spoke up as she and Aelin started down the hallway in the opposite direction. “Have you met him yet?”

Aelin glanced over at Nehemia with a raised eyebrow. “Who?”

“Rowan.”

“No. But Aedion talks about him enough that I feel like I have,” Aelin stepped around a group of freshman before continuing. “Aedion practically worships him. Says he’s the best center they’ve ever had on the team.”

“Better than Lorcan?”

“That’s what Aedion says. And anyone who can out do Lorcan Salvaterre gets points in my book.” Aelin cast Nehemia a knowing smirk before shaking her head. “But honestly, I could care less about meeting Rowan.”

A look over confusion took over Nehemiah’s face. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Aelin shrugged as they walked into their math class. “I mean, have you seen him? He walks around the school like he’s above everyone else. The only people he talks to are the hockey boys.”

The confused look fell from Nehemiah’s face, her eyes now shining. “Is that so?”

“Yes!” The two girls sat down in their normal seats towards the back. “And I haven’t even said two words to the guy, but he looks at me in the hallway like I killed his puppy. Like, just seeing him at this point makes me so mad – and what are you smiling at?”

Aelin glared at Nehemia. She had a broad grin on her face, her dark eyes shining with laughter.

“Nothing,” she shrugged, pulling a textbook out of her bag. “I just feel like there’s more there than you’re actually seeing.”

“Oh God, is this one of your  _feelings_?”

“All I’m saying is you don’t even know him,” Nehemia shrugged. “Get to know him before you judge him. He may surprise you.”

Aelin shook her head, pulling out her own books. Her mind flashed to the looks icy looks of complete hatred Rowan gave her whenever she was around. It was the same look he’d given her every time their eyes met since that first time in the lunchroom the first week of school. She had no idea what she’d done to him, but it seemed he already hated her. Then again, he was friends with Lorcan Salvaterre. Lord only knows what that asshole had said about her.

But if he was so quick to judge her, why couldn’t she do the same? He was just another senior who walked around like he was too good for everyone else here.

“He doesn’t seem like a very surprising or exciting guy,” Aelin said as their math teacher walked in. Her gaze moved over to Nehemia. “Besides, I’m staying away from him. He seems like he’s more trouble than he’s worth.”

\--------------------

Rowan sighed as he stood on the front steps of the school.

It was only the first week of October, but the leaves were already starting to change color. There was a bitterness in the air that could only mean fall was fast approaching. But the sun was warm as it shined down on them.

Students ran out the main doors after the end of a long school day, forming irritating clumps in the parking lot. Everyone was anxious and ready to get home or go about their afternoon.

Rowan stood there, leaning against the railing as he watched them. This was normally the moment where the new guy felt the most distant from everyone else. But he didn’t feel like that at all. In fact, the past month of school couldn’t have gone better, really. He knew his way around, he actually liked most of his classes, and got along with the teachers. He made the hockey team - he couldn’t remember the last time he saw his mother smile as big as she did when he told her – and he even considered himself pretty good friends with the other guys on the team at this point. Some more than others, but still.

He considered himself lucky. He was doing well for being the new kid.

“So. Slight change in plans.”

Rowan turned at the sound of the voice. He found Aedion walking towards him, an apologetic look on his face.

Rowan only raised in eyebrow in response. “Whats up?”

“You can either come with me, as originally planned, or ride to your house with Lorcan,” Aedion explained, coming to a stop next to Rowan. “I forgot I have to bring Aelin home.”

It took everything in him not to groan at her name.

 _Aelin_.

It wasn’t really fair of him honestly, to already have an opinion on her. He hadn’t even said a single word to her. He’d only seen her at school, passing her in the hallways or in the cafeteria. And at the rink. Turns out, she was a figure skater. Just the thought made Rowan want to groan even more. Not because he hated figure skaters, but because the rink was just another place he’d have to see Aelin flitting around.

The opinion he  _did_  have of her, wasn’t a good one. He’d pieced it together from what he’d heard. Not just from Lorcan - who, he’d admit, did exaggerate a nice bit - but from pieces of conversations around him. From a comment Fenrys would make here and there. From stories Aedion would tell him about him and his cousin growing up. From conversations in the hallways or class. Even from their goalie on the team - Dorian - and one of their defenders - Chaol. In fact, there seemed to be a nice bit of bad blood between Aelin and Chaol.

But the stories weren’t the only thing Rowan went by. He saw the way she prowled down the hallway. The smirk that was constantly present on her lips. The way she flipped her hair to get what she wanted. The raise of her perfectly-shaped eyebrow she always gave him when their gazes locked.

Aelin Galathynius was an annoying, spoiled little princess that he wanted nothing to do with.

But he wasn’t about to say this to Aedion. So he simply gave him a nod.

“I’ll catch a ride with Lorcan.” He said. “I have to be at my house anyways to let everyone in, so it makes more sense.”

He did not want to ride in a car with Aelin if he didn’t have to.

“Sweet,” A broad grin appeared on Aedion’s face. “She’s only about a 10 or 15 minute drive from your house anyways. So it won’t take me long. She lives next door to me actually.”

Rowan blinked back his surprise. “Really?”

“Old houses. They’ve been in our families forever. The Galathynius, Ashryvers, and Havilliards have lived in this town forever.”

Rowan nodded. He understood this. For as long as he could remember, the Whitethorns lived in Doranelle. Even now, his Uncles and cousins were still there. Old families loved their hometowns.

“Anyways,” Aedion said. “You can head on home. I’m just waiting for Aelin-”

“You rang?”

Rowan couldn’t help but narrow his eyes slightly at the sound of her voice. He looked up over Aedion’s shoulder and found Aelin Galathynius making her way towards them. Her hips swayed with every step, the corner of her lips turned up as she stopped next to her cousin.

This was the closest he’d even seen her. Her blonde hair was half pulled back, falling in curls. Those turquoise-gold eyes shined in the sunlight. As Rowan took in her average height and honed, curvy body - most likely achieved because of her constant training - he couldn’t help but glare a bit harder. Even just standing there, it felt like she was the queen and they were merely her court.

With a raised eyebrow, Aelin propped her arm on Aedion’s shoulder. She made a show of looking him up and down. Her eyes slowly trailed from his sneaker-clad feet to his short, white hair, taking him in. Rowan felt the slightest bit of anger and annoyance start to hum to life under his skin.

The tension around them grew thicker as Aelin’s smirk grew wider.

“Have you two met before?” Aedion cast a weary glance between them. But Rowan could have sworn he saw some amusement shining through.

“I don’t think we have,” She drawled, a wicked look in her eyes. “Aelin. But I have a feeling you knew that already.”

Rowan’s lips thinned. This girl… This girl pushed his buttons. Hard. But he wouldn’t let her get under his skin.

“And you are?” She pushed, dropping her arm and crossing over her chest.

He couldn’t help but narrow his eyes. He knew she knew his name. Everyone did. Plus, he did  _not_  like her tone one bit.

“Rowan.” He tried to sound bored, though his tone held a cold edge.

“Well, Rowan,” She rolled his name around her tongue, trying it out for the first time. Her voice was sickly sweet as she spoke, as if she were mocking him in some way. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Are you going to be riding with us?”

“He’s going with Lorcan,” Aedion stepped in. A playful glare appeared on his face as he looked at his cousin. “Seeing as I have to bring your annoying ass home.”

“Annoying,  _beautiful_  ass.” Aelin smiled broadly. “Get it right.”

Aedion rolled his eyes, a chuckle leaving his lips. “How you can skate with that ego-filled head of yours amazes me.”

Rowan couldn’t resist the eye roll at this point, or the slight snort he let out. It wasn’t loud, but it was loud enough for Aelin to hear. Her hard gaze snapped in his direction. The smirk was gone and a glare took it’s place. Annoyance shined in her eyes.

Good. He was glad that he annoyed her just as much as she annoyed him.

Before she could speak, Rowan turned to Aedion, ignoring Aelin completely as he spoke.

“I’ll see you at the house,” He nodded, giving Aedion a quick fist bump.

He turned on his heel without even a glance at Aelin, making his way down the front steps of the school and towards Lorcan’s car. He knew he’d still be here. Lorcan always chilled by his car for a good ten minutes after classes ended, chatting up one girl or another.

He’d barely made it down the steps, when Aelin’s voice called after him. “I’ll see you around, Rowan.”

He didn’t bother turning around.

There was a hardness to her tone that wasn’t there before. A bitterness. Almost as if she hoped she wouldn’t.

And honestly, he hoped so too.


	3. She lived for this.

Standing in the middle of the school foyer, Dorian took a moment to stare up at the giant piece of fabric hanging from the ceiling. **  
**

The school colours stared back at him.  _LETS GO ROYALS_  jumped out, painted in red with a gold outline. Someone had even added red and gold sparkles, causing the banner to shine in the light of the school foyer.

The big game was in just a few days, and already the school was abuzz. Banners were being hung all over - in the hallways, classrooms, and especially around the front of the school - despite the fact that they would all have to come down for the game.

Dorian smirked as he walked by a banner that had been made just for him. “YOU HAVE A GOALIE, BUT WE HAVE A PRINCE!”  _Prince_. A suitable nickname for the star goalie of the Royals. Everyone loved to say he was the best goalie they’d ever had, and if he was being honest with himself, he kind of was. That said, even he would admit the nickname was a bit much. Some girls came up with it his freshman year, and it stuck ever since.

“They sure love their hockey.”

Dorian looked to his left, pulling his lips back into a smile as Chaol stepped up next to him.

“Can you imagine what would happen if we didn’t win Friday night?” He turned back to the banner, giving Chaol a little nudge with his shoulder.

“Don’t say that too loud,” Chaol chuckled, jokingly glancing around. “Someone will probably eat you alive.”

Dorian couldn’t resist the urge to roll his eyes. Turning away from the banner, he started making his way towards the main doors, Chaol following his every step.

“You nervous for the big game?” He asked Chaol, once they were out in the blinding sun.

“Nah.” Chaol gave a shrug of his shoulders. “It’s just like any other game. Everyone’s just freaking out because it’s the first one of the year.”

“I think you’re the least enthusiastic hockey player ever,” Dorian teased. He bumped Chaol’s shoulder with his own as they walked down the front steps of the school.

“I prefer the term realistic.” Chaol’s lips pulled up in a small smirk, his eyes squinting in the sunlight.

Dorian chuckled, shaking his head slightly.

Chaol may not care much for the games, but he and Aedion were the team’s best defensemen.

They had just reached the bottom of the stairs, making their way towards Dorian’s car, when an all too familiar voice called out to him.

“Dorian!”

Turning around, he found Aelin Galathynuis walking towards him. Her unique turquoise-gold eyes glowed in the afternoon light. Golden hair flowed down her shoulders in perfect curls. Her lips were turned up at the corners as she came to a stop before him, book in hand.

They went back, him and Aelin. Back to before they were born, even. The Havilliards and Galathyniuses were two of the longest standing families in town. At some point, their families even became friends. Now, they simply tolerated each other - mainly because of Dorian’s father.

It took a while for Aelin to look at Dorain as anything but a Havilliard. While they were growing up, she and Aedion used to gang up on him. But one night, back when they were younger, they ended up bonding over their favourite books. She must have realized some time around then that he was nothing like his father, because they have been friends ever since. Before Chaol moved to town, Dorian used to escape to the Galathynius home when things got too much at his house.

Chaol was his best friend. But Aelin was his oldest.

“Hey Aelin.” Dorian turned completely around to face the blonde, a friendly smile still on his face.

“Hey!” Her smile was dazzling. However, it became more forced when she looked over at Chaol. “Chaol.”

A simple nod of his head was all Chaol gave her.

The tension around them suddenly became so thick, Dorian felt like he was choking on it. Thankfully, Aelin cleared her throat before turning her gaze back to Dorain.

“I saw you walk out of the school and wanted to give you back your book,” She held out the book in her hands - his copy of  _A Dance With Dragons_. “Sorry it took so long to get it back to you.”

“No worries.” He reached out, accepting the book from her. “It’s not like it’s the shortest book out there.”

“You can say that again,” Aelin said. “But damn, it was good.”

Dorian laughed, smiling. But the smile slowly slipped off of his face in the awkward silence.

“So, uh, you excited for the big game Friday?” Aelin asked suddenly, her eyes shifting to Chaol for a moment before returning to Dorian.

“Pretty excited,” Dorian answered for both of them. Even though they all knew Chaol wasn’t that excited. “I just can’t wait to play an actual game again. You?”

“Of course,” Aelin nodded, a smirk pulling on the corners of her lips. “I’m a big hockey fan.”

“Oh, I know,” Dorian could help but chuckle. “I don’t think you missed a single game last year.”

“What can I say? The rink’s my home.” She gave a lazy shrug, smile growing. “And with that said, I better get going. I have practice at 3:30.”

Dorian nodded, smiling.

“See you later,” he called, as Aelin turned and walked away, sending a wave over her shoulder.

He waited, then when he was sure Aelin was out of earshot, he turned to Chaol with a pointed look.

“What?” Chaol raised an eyebrow.

“You could have at least said hi or something,” Dorian rolled his eyes. “Instead of standing here like your tongue was cut off.”

“We haven’t talked since this summer,” Chaol shrugged as they started making their way to the car. “And I’m not really in the mood to start.”

Dorian couldn’t help but sigh as they weaved in and out of cars and people.

“You’re my friend. And I know I’ve said this a million times, but dude, it’s been  _months_.” He groaned in frustration. “I know you two dated for six months or something, but don’t you think it’s time you forgave and forgot?”

“I told her I loved her and she replied by jumping on a plane and leaving for the summer. Without saying it back.” Chaol’s gaze turned heated as he glared over at Dorian. “It’s not exactly easy to forgive and forget that.”

“To be fair, you guys were already broken up when you told her you loved her and she left.” Dorian pointed out.

“Whose side are you on?”

“I’m not picking a side! I’m just saying. Besides, weren’t you with Nesryn by the end of the summer anyways?” Dorian pulled out his keys as their approached his car. “What happened to her?”

“Nothing happened to her,” Chaol shrugged. “We weren’t together. It was just…”

“You can say sex, Chaol.” Dorian rolled his eyes. “It was just  _sex_.”

“You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?”

Dorian couldn’t help but throw Chaol a smirk as he unlocked the car doors. “That’s  _Prince_  Pain in the Ass, to you.”

Chaol simply gave him the finger over the hood of the car, and Dorian couldn’t help but laugh.

“Get in, dick.” Dorian said, climbing in the car himself.

“Not a very nice thing to say to the person who has to defend you Friday night.” Chaol shot back with a small smile on his lips, also getting in the car.

“You fuck up Friday night and you’ll have the whole school on your ass.” Dorian gave Chaol a smug look before starting up the car. “Hey, maybe Nesryn will be at the big party after the game. The you guys can have - wait for it -  _sex_.”

“Yeah,” Chaol rolled down his window, resting his arm outside as Dorian backed out. “And maybe Manon will be there too,” Chaol teased.

“You can be friends with girls without having sex with them, you know.”

“Well then. Looks like only one of us has the possibility of getting laid Friday night,” Chaol glanced over at him, a smug look on his face.

“I hate you, Westfall.”

“Sure you do, Havilliard.” Chaol waved him off, turning to look out the window.

Dorian rolled his eyes but there was a smile on his face. A quiet laugh left his lips as he turned up the radio, and pulled out of the school parking lot.

——————–

Her legs were  _burning_.

Her thighs were on fire. Despite the cold arena, she was sweating. A few smaller pieces of hair had fallen out of her long pony tail. She long ago got rid of her sweater. Now she was just in a simple black tank with her leggings and leg warmers. If she could take off more layers, she probably would.

But she kept going, kept pushing on.

She needed to land this jump.

She needed to land the triple lutz double toe loop.

Fighting through the aches and pains, Aelin skated faster. She picked up speed before turning backwards. Taking a deep breath in through her nose, she set up the jump. She stuck her right leg behind, setting up her arms, before putting her toepick in the ice.

Then she was flying.

She pushed off her toe, tucking everything in tight as she spun through the air. It all happened so fast, she didn’t have enough time to so much as register the wind blowing past her. Suddenly, she was back on the ice, leg stuck behind her once again before re-entering the air. When she landed this time, she held it. She felt her leg wobble slightly, but kept her arms and leg out, with her chin held high.

“Good.” Weylan Darrow nodded his head. His arms were clasped behind him as he spoke. “The landing needs work. And the take off for the toe loop is sloppy. But good.”

Aelin skated towards her Uncle and coach, nodding her head. She kept her hands on her hips, trying to catch her breath. They skated towards the boards, where Orlon was waiting with Nehemia, who was already gulping down water.

Orlon and Weylan coached together. They were a pair - they always were, ever since Aelin could remember. They were also the head coaches at the Rifthold Royals Figure Skating Club. But, they never worked on the same skater together. They would take turns. Aelin would practice with Orlon first then Weylan. Most people thought this was silly, stupid. But Aelin loved it. Weylan helped her with jumps while Orlon worked on spins and footwork. And while Aeiln was with one Uncle, Nehemia was with the other.

They weren’t usually Nehemia’s coaches. But her last coach up and left the club one day, randomly. Leaving Nehemia with no one. So, Orlon and Weylan took her in.

Weylan picked up his binder off the broads, flipping through the pages as Aelin greedily drank her water.

“We’re adding a triple lutz-triple toe to her routine,” He said to Orlon, nodding his head in Aelin’s direction.

Aelin all but choked on her water as Orlon raised an eyebrow in question at his partner.

“But she hasn’t done a triple lutz-triple toe yet,” Orlon said. “She hasn’t even been landing her triple lutz- _double_  toe consistently yet. ****She barely pulled it off at Regionals a few weeks ago.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Uncle Orlon.” She mumbled under her breath. But he heard her still, casting her a sharp gaze before turning back to Weylan.

“She will,” Weylan didn’t so much as look up as he continued to write in the binder. “We’ll make it her opening jump. Open with a bang.”

“Regionals are just a month away, Weylan,” Orlon sighed.

Looking up finally, Weylan raised an eyebrow at his husband before turning to Aelin.

“Think you can land this jump before Sectionals?”

Her gaze shifted from Weylan, to Orlon, then to Nehemia - who was looking at her with a raised eyebrow and slightly concerned look - before going back to Weylan.

She couldn’t keep the smile off of her lips or the excitement out of her eyes as she spoke.

“Yes, Coach Weylan.”

It was always  _Coach Weylan_  on the ice, and  _Uncle Weylan_  outside the rink. Aelin often wondered, if she hadn’t been calling him  _Uncle_  her whole life, whether or not he’d make her call him coach  _all_  the time.

Weylan’s look matched her own as he closed the binder.

“Then it’s settled. We’ll get to work on them tomorrow,” He glanced down at the watch on his wrist. “You girls have 5 minutes left on the ice, make the most of it.”

With one last glance their way, Weylan picked up his things and headed off the ice. Orlon stayed behind for a moment, shaking his head slightly. He skated past Aelin, stopping to place a kiss on her cheek, before following after Weylan.

Nehemia let out a low whistle once they were alone.

“A triple-triple combo,” Her brows were pulled together slightly as she studied Aelin. “You sure about this?”

Aelin couldn’t help but roll her eyes, a smile pulling at her lips. “Of course. I have a month to practice it. Besides, with your speed and crazy spins, I’m gonna need this combo in order to kick your ass.”

“They  _are_  pretty good.”

“Wow,” Aelin let out a light laugh. “You have been hanging out with me too much.”

Nehemia simply laughed in reply as the sound of skates coming to a stop next to Aelin filled the air.

“Holy shit, Aelin.” The grin on Lysandra’s face was blinding as she spoke. “You should have  _seen_ Kaltain’s face when you landed that last jump. She was pissed.”

Looking over Lysandra’s shoulder, Aelin found Coach Clarisse - Lysandra’s coach - finishing up with her last skater, Archer Finn. And farther down the rink, Coach Perrington was just making his way off the ice. Kaltain stood by the boards, arms crossed over her chest as she glared at Aelin. When their gazes meet, Kaltain stuck her nose further in the air before grabbing her water bottle and skating off the ice.

“Of course she’s pissed,” Nehemia spoke up. “She spent all summer practicing and still has trouble with her triple flip. And yet, Aelin takes the summer off and now has a triple-triple combo in her routine.”

Lysandra’s wide eyed gaze cut to Aelin. “You’re adding a triple-triple to your program?”

“Don’t get too excited,” she grinned. But even Aelin couldn’t hide her excitement as she spoke. “I haven’t actually done the jump yet. But as of now, if I can do it, it’s in the routine.”

Lysandra’s gaze stayed on her for a moment before cutting to Nehemia. Aelin watched the two with a raised eyebrow, about to say something. But not a beat later, Lysandra turned back to her, lips turning up in the corners.

“I don’t even know why Nehemia and I are competing this year,” She rolled her eyes in good nature. “You’re a shoe-in for Nationals.”

“I need to make it past Sentinels first, Lys.” Aelin laughed. “I may not even make it to Nationals.”

“Listen to her,” Lysandra leaned against the board, “trying to make us little folk feel better.”

“You placed 1st at Regionals, Aelin.” Nehemia pointed out with a laugh. “Of course you’ll get top 4 at Sectionals to move to Nationals.”

“You guys make it so hard to be humble.” Aelin teased, flicking her ponytail over shoulder.

“Is this what you skaters do all day?”

The sound of Aedion’s voice flooding across the ice caused Aelin to turn around as Nehemia rolled her eyes and Lysandra raised an eyebrow.

“He better be careful with what he says next,” she smirked. “I have great power over him right now.”

Aelin placed one hand on her hip as she took in the boys before her. The whole hockey team was there, standing by the boards. Aedion was front and center, a giant smirk plastered on his lips.

“And they call figure skating a sport,” he yelled across to them, causing Aelin to raise an eyebrow.

Nehemia sighed from behind her. “He’s asking for it, isn’t he?”

“He is  _so_  not getting any later.” Lysandra added.

But Aelin kept her gaze locked with Aedion’s. There was a daring look in his eyes. He was challenging her. And she never backed down from a challenge. He knew that.

With a smirk slowly gracing her lips, Aelin took off. She was aware of Nehemia calling out to her while Lysandra bit out a “serves him right,” but she didn’t look back.

She skated down and around the bottom of the ice before coming up the middle. The sound of the zamboni starting up was their signal to get off the ice, but Aelin didn’t listen to it.

She could feel everyone’s eyes on her as she set up her jump. It did nothing to unnerve her - she lived for this.

Kicking her foot out in front of her, Aelin quickly turned backwards. She pushed off her toe, landing her triple flip flawlessly. And then, just to show off some more, she casually stuck a double loop on the end.

There were shouts, a few catcalls, and claps. She could hear Nehemia and Lysandra laughing behind her. There was a giant grin on her face as she spun around to face the boys, giving them a little curtsy.

Then her eyes clashed with Rowan’s.

He was the only one not reacting - just standing there. Even Lorcan was rolling his eyes and grumbling under his breath. But Rowan was doing nothing.

When he met her gaze, his lips thinned. His eyes had turned hard as he glared at her slightly. Annoyance was written all over his face.

The smugness Aelin felt a moment ago vanished. Anger took its place as she glared right back at him.

She didn’t know what his problem was, why he hated her so much, but it was pissing her off. He didn’t even know her. And she was getting sick of him looking at her with nothing but hatred every time their paths crossed.

She held Rowan’s gaze for another moment, her lips pressed together and brows narrowed. Then, she turned on her blade and skated back to the boards to grab her sweater. The whole time, there was a look of irritation covering her features.

If he wanted to hate her, fine. She’d let him. But she didn’t care how hot or attractive he was, she was going to make his life hell.

——————–  

Lysandra  _should_  have been in heaven.

She was pressed against her bed, Aedion’s muscular and shirtless frame pushing down on her. A large hand gripped her waist, lazily moving up and down her sides. The movement caused her shirt to ride up further and further while her fingers wrapped themselves in his long hair. His mouth - oh, that damn wicked mouth of his. He placed a heated kiss on her lips, biting and sucking her bottom lip before trailing kisses along her jaw, down her neck, nipping her skin as he went - yeah, she  _definitely_ should have been in heaven.

To be fair, part of her was. She still couldn’t stop the soft moan that left her lips, her hips arching against him as Aedion lightly nipped and suck the sensitive spot between her neck and shoulder. He replied with his own growl, deep in his throat. Running one hand down her side, over her hip, he stopped on her thigh, hitching it up around his waist. His lips met hers again as his hands found their way under her shirt, slowly creeping their way up, his touch as light as feathers on her skin. Lysandra wanted nothing more than to melt into that touch.

But she couldn’t. She wasn’t fully there, in the moment.

And Aedion noticed.

“Come back to me,” He breathed against her lips, his fingers stopping to draw lazy shapes just under her breasts.

God, she wished she could. But it wasn’t happening.

With a sigh, Lysandra pulled back. She sat up, back against her headboard as Aedion rolled off her with a groan.

“Do you think Aelin’s okay?” She asked after a moment.

With another groan, Aedion threw an arm over his forehead as he stared up at the ceiling.

“You’re seriously thinking about my cousin right now?”

“Shut up,” Lysandra’s sharp gaze cut to Aedion as she smacked his shoulder. “I’m being serious right now.”

There was a beat of silence before Aedion let out a sigh. Lysandra watched as he sat up, sliding back until he, too, was resting against the headboard.

“She seems fine, I guess.” He said, a slight look of confusion on his face. “She seemed fine to me at lunch and-”

“No,” Lysandra shook her head. “I mean, is she  _okay_? You know, after the summer and everything that’s happened.”

The confusion on Aedion’s face faded and understanding took over.

“I…” He paused, taking a moment to pick his words carefully. “I honestly don’t know.”

“I thought you two told each other everything?”

“We do. For the most part,” He explained. “But Aelin… she likes to wear a mask. She doesn’t let people see how badly she’s hurting. And with everything that happened with Sam… I think there’s a lot she’s not showing or telling.”

All Lysandra could do was nod as she bit her lip. She knew what Aedion was saying was true. Aelin did wear a mask a lot of the time. She hid behind smiles and jokes, even when she didn’t have to. Just the thought of her best friend silently suffering caused her heart to ache.

“She’ll never be like she was before.”

Aedion’s voice was so soft, so gentle. The unspoken words hanging between them.

_Before Sam._

Running a hand through his hair, Aedion let out a loose breath.

“Why do you ask, anyways? Did something happen?”

Taking in a deep breath through her nose, Lysandra let her head fall back against the wooden headboard.

“Coach Weylan wanted to add a triple-triple to her program today. And she let him.” She explained, and when Aedion sent her a confused look, she continued. “Aelin’s a perfectionist, you know this. She wouldn’t dare agree to add a jump to her program unless she could land it flawlessly. That’s why she works so hard and how she got where she is now. But,” Lysandra sat up straighter, meeting Aedion’s intense stare. “She’s never even  _tried_  this jump before. And she let him add it, without a second thought. That’s… that’s not Aelin.”

Aedion had no response to this, and Lysandra knew it was because he knew every word she said was true.

“She does something like this, and I’m reminded of how much she’s changed.” She continued. “But then she goes and shows off for the hockey team, and she’s old Aelin again.”

“She’s lost, that’s all. We just need to help her find herself again.” Aedion wrapped an arm around Lysandra’s shoulders. He pulled her close, placing a kiss on her temple. “Besides, did you see that glare she gave Rowan at the end? That was definitely an Aelin glare.”

This caught Lysandra’s attention.

“Rowan?” She sat up, turning to face Aedion. “As in your boyfriend Rowan? New guy Rowan?”

He simply rolled his eyes at her comment.

“I’m pretty sure those two have only met once. But oh man, the hatred basically poured off them.” He chuckled. “If he wasn’t so tough I’d be worried. Being on the receiving end of Aelin’s hate is not fun.” A cocky smirk started to form on his face. “Not that I’d know. But you might.”

Lysandra honestly had stopped listening at that point. She was too intrigued at the thought of Aelin and Rowan. She never met the boy before, but from what she heard he was… on the more serious side. Tough, collected. He had a small group of friends and, most importantly, didn’t take anyone’s bullshit.

Almost the opposite of Aelin.

A smile slowly started to spread on her lips.

“What are you thinking?” Aedion raised an eyebrow at the look on her face.

“Nothing,” She replied, with a slight shake of her head.

It  _could_  work. Rowan and Aelin, that is. As friends or more, she wasn’t really sure yet. She’d put more thought into it later. Because she now felt lighter. She was still worried about Aelin, but she was glad she‘d talked to Aedion about it. She didn’t feel so bogged down anymore. Her eyes also found their way to his shirtless torso. So yeah, she was done thinking for the night.

“I’m going to shower,” She said suddenly, jumping off the bed.

She only made it a few steps before turning back around. Aedion was making himself comfortable on the bed before reaching for his phone.

With a smirk slowly pulling at the corners of her lips, Lysandra reached down and pulled off her shirt. She flicked it at Aedion, causing his head to snap in her direction.

“You’re coming.” Her stomach tightened as Aedion’s heated gaze devoured her body.

She turned on her heel, and reached behind her back, unclasping her bra. She let it fall to the floor as she continued on her way. The smirk on her face grew as she heard the bed creak, as Aedion jumped up.

His voice washed over her - a sensual purr. “Yes ma’am.”


	4. Bonus: Lysaedion Shower Scene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: NSFW

Lysandra was aware of his eyes on her, his gaze burning holes in her back.

She made it to the bathroom before him, peeling off her clothes piece by piece as she went - she was glad her father was on the night-shift this week.

By the time she made it to the shower, she was in just her underwear. She turned on the water, letting it heat up, before stepping back. She knew Aedion was behind her, standing in the doorway, watching. Just the thought caused heat to slowly build in the pit of her stomach, a sensual smile pulling on her lips.

Slowly and with a tantalizing sway of her hips, Lysandra stepped out of her underwear. She didn’t once look back as she walked forward, stepping into the glass shower.

She stood there for a few moments, letting the streaming water soak her hair and body, before finally turning around.

Aedion was standing in the middle of the bathroom, still shirtless from their makeout session earlier, the door now closed behind him. Gone was the carefree, boyish look that normally took form on his face. It was now replaced with a look of complete love and lust. Lysandra felt the warmth between her legs begin to throb as his eyes slowly drifted over her wet, naked body, lingering on her perked breasts and between her legs.

“Well?” Her voice was a seductive purr as she spoke. “Are you going to join me? Or do I have to do everything myself?”

To prove her point, she ran her hand from behind her neck, slowly down her breasts, inching closer and closer to the throbbing apex of her thighs.

The gold in Aedion’s eyes darkened, a low growl coming loose from his lips. The reaction only caused the smile on Lysandra’s face to grow.

A sigh left her own lips as her fingers grazed over her wet folds, rubbing slow circles. She held Aedion’s gaze the whole time, before slipping in a few fingers, throwing her head back against the shower wall at the sensation.

The sound of a belt rattling and hitting the floor caused her to look up, only to find Aedion now pantless. He was standing in just his boxers, his desire for her obvious.

With a questioning eyebrow, Lysandra kept her fingers working. But Aedion’s alluring smirk was answer enough. In one shift movement, he was out of his boxers, standing bare before her.

The heat between Lysandra’s legs grew greater at the sight, and there was only one thing that could help it.

With just a few long strides, Aedion made it to the shower, sliding open the glass door before stepping in. The water ran over his hard and lean body, bouncing off toned muscles, soaking his shoulder-length hair as he came to stand in front of her.

“Stop that.” His voice was a low rumble, laced with lust and desire. His hand snapped around her wrist, pulling her fingers away from her throbbing centre. “Let me.”

“And you think you can do a better job?” Lysandra purred. She tilted her head to the side slightly, wet hair falling over her shoulder.

Aedion pushed back his own wet hair before offering her a smirk. Just that smirk caused Lysandra’s stomach to knot with desire.

Then, without any warning, he slipped a hand down between her legs. The pressure of his fingers through her slick folds caused her hips to jerk and her head to fall back against the wall.

A moan escaped the back of her throat as Aedion’s fingers worked their magic. Her hands came up, digging into his broad shoulders. His fingers pushed into her heated core, hooking against the spot that always undid her.

Bringing his lips to her ear, Aedion’s voice was low, his breath tickling her neck as he spoke.

“You have to stop doubting me, Lys. I know what I’m doing.”

She couldn’t think of a witty remark. With her back arched, and her breath coming out in short pants, Lysandra could feel the pleasure building. But just before she came over the edge, Aedion’s fingers stopped moving.

Her eyes flew open. She was about to snap when she noticed Aedion wasn’t standing in front of her any more. Then, she felt his hot breath on the inside of her thighs, followed shortly by soft kisses and nips. But it was the feeling on Aedion’s tongue running along her throbbing core that caused her knees to almost buckle.

“Aedion.” She moaned, her fingers gripping his wet hair painfully tight.

He brought one hand up to work with his mouth, leaving her panting and mumbling broken syllables. The pressure kept building as Lysandra’s eyes slipped closed, one hand leaving Aedion’s hair to rub her nipple.

But once again, just before she tipped over the edge, he pulled back, standing before her at full height.

Lysandra couldn’t keep the glare off of her face at the sight of Aedion’s devilish smile. But she didn’t stop him from pulling her forward, into the light spray of water.

“That’s what you get for doubting me.” He murmured, lips coming down to met hers.

Lysandra all but melted into his damp embrace. She ran her hands across his bare chest before moving them over his shoulders and up into his hair. Meanwhile, he smoothed over the curve of her back, moving down to cup her ass.

It didn’t take long for the kiss to get heated. Aedion titled his head, deepening the kiss. Lysandra gladly responded by opening her mouth, her tongue meeting his.

A growl sounded from the back of Aedion’s throat when she sucked on his bottom lip. He backed up, causing her to smack the wet tile wall. Pulling away, he started to trail kisses along her jaw and neck, biting and sucking her skin. The feeling had her aching with heat, and one look down at the hard bulge pressing against her lower stomach told her he felt the same.

“Aedion.” She breathed as he took one of her breasts in his mouth, his tongue swirling around her nipple. She couldn’t help but arch her back, grinding against his thigh, where she needed him most. The heat was unbearable. “ _Please_.”

Just the word leaving her lips caused him to press harder against her. He took her lips on his again, his hands running down the backs of her thighs. Easily, he lifted her up, causing her to wrap her legs around his waist.

“Say it again.” His voice was almost unrecognizable, rumbling against her lips. “Beg.”

“Plea- ahh.” She gasped as Aedion suddenly thrusted into her, pulling her down against him. Her nails digging into his shoulder blades as her eyes fell shut, the pleasure of him inside her filling her up.

“ _Lys_.” Aedion moaned as their slick, wet bodies moved together, his hands gripping her waist tightly.

She could only respond with her own moan, the pleasure overwhelming her.

Aedion’s hips pounded against hers, their pace raising. The only sound was that of the running water and their breathless moans.

Then Aedion’s hand ran over her stomach, down between her legs. And once his fingers started moving between them, Lysandra couldn’t keep her cry at bay as she shattered in his arms.

Her head fell against his shoulder as she rode out her climax. She placed kisses on Aedion’s neck, nipping and sucking at his skin. It wasn’t long before she felt him shudder under her, his head falling against her shoulder as his body went tense. His hands gripped her waist so tight she’d be surprised if she didn’t have bruises later.

They stood there for a few more moments, holding each other, breathless. When Lysandra finally had her feet on the wet, shower floor once more, Aedion placed a loving kiss on her lips.

“See,” She mumbled against his lips, her lust-covered face meeting his. “This is why I love to doubt you.”


	5. Slowly, their friendship became more.

Elide sat perched on the footsteps of the house. The morning sun beamed down on her, the sky a crystal blue. A light breeze picked up, blowing around her hair as she pulled her jacket tighter around her. They were only a week or so into October, and the wind definitely held that harsh, autumn bite. But today, it was chillier than normal. She’d definitely be warmer if she were to just wait inside. But being inside would mean a higher chance of seeing her uncle. And she wasn’t in the mood to start her day off by having a  _lovely_  chat with Uncle Vernon. Especially on game day.

After going through her normal, quiet routine of getting ready for school, Elide had made her way downstairs. She prayed to every god she knew that it would be one of those mornings where her uncle was passed out. Thankfully, her prayers were answered.

When she made it to the living room, she found Uncle Vernon asleep on the couch. A half empty bottle was clenched in his hand as he snored loudly. Not wanting to risk waking him and getting yelled at this early, Elide went outside. Which is how she found herself sitting on the front steps of her parents’ old home.

She didn’t remember them well, her parents. They died when she was young. She grew up with her Uncle, who was always a cold evil bastard. But when his business burned down years ago and he last basically everything, that’s when the drinking started and things got worse…

The sound of a car driving up her long, dirt driveway brought Elide out of her thoughts. The bass was pounding so loudly she could hear it from where she was sitting. Her heart sped up. If the music woke up her Uncle… Elide quickly pulled out her phone. She was about to text Aelin when the music suddenly disappeared, just moments before a car pulled up.

With a grateful sigh leaving her lips, Elide picked up her bag. She made her way to the car, taking in the red and gold decorations that covered it, before jumping into the backseat.

Aelin spun around, sending her a small smile before her eyes shifted to the house.

“Asleep or awake?”

“Asleep,” Elide pulled the seatbelt across her chest. “I didn’t want to wake him so I waited outside. Though it would have been pointless if you’d kept blasting the music.”

“I’d love for him to come out honestly,” Aedion’s eyes were pinched together as he looked at the living room window. It was almost as if he could see her uncle asleep on the couch. “I’d love to see what he’d do. I bet he’s all talk.”

Aelin rolled her eyes before looking back at Elide over her shoulder. “Ignore him. Someone’s pumped for game day and now thinks he’s all tough.”

The comment caught Aedion’s attention. He turned from the house, fixing his pointed look at Aelin.

“What do you mean ‘thinks’? I am tough.”

“Whatever you say, cousin.” Aelin shot him a sweet little smirk as Elide laughed.

Aedion mumbled something under his breath before turning the car around, driving back down the driveway.

When they were back on the main road, Aedion turned his music on once again. The bassline pounded through the car. Elide could feel the vibrations from the speaker through her seat.

The music wasn’t blasting for long, however, before Aelin turned it down.

“How the hell can you still hear?” She snapped. “My ears are basically bleeding.”

A wolfish grin appeared on Aedion’s face as he glanced over at his cousin.

“ITS GAME DAY!” His voice was just as loud as his music.

“You can’t use that as an excuse for everything.”

“Watch me.”

Another laugh escaped Elide’s lips as Aelin rolled her eyes before reaching into her bag.

“Speaking of game day,” She turned around in her seat, handing a red and gold headband to Elide. “Here. It was this or ribbons. I figured you’d like the headband better.”

A smile pulled on Elide’s lips as she took the headband, saying thanks. She looked at herself in the rearview mirror as she placed it on her head, fixing her hair.

Game day was a big thing at Rifthold High. Especially the first game of the year. Even though this was Elide’s first year at the school, she knew everyone was going to be decked out in the school colors while all the boys on the team wore their hockey jerseys. Elide herself wore a school t-shirt, her long black hair pulled back with the headband.

“Do you need a ride to the game tonight, by the way?” Aelin glanced over her shoulder. “You can catch a ride with Lys, Nehemia and I.”

Elide gave a small shake of her head. “Thanks. But I’m getting a ride with Manon.”

At just the mention of her name, the smile fell off Aelin’s face. Elide could see that she was holding in whatever she wanted to say. Aedion, on the other hand, simply let out a barking laugh.

“Manon Blackbeak,” He glanced back at her in his rearview mirror, a smile pulling up in one corner. “You couldn’t just make a casual friend in high school, could you? You  _had_  to go to the extreme.”

“She’s not that bad,” Elide could feel her cheeks start to heat up as she crossed her arms. “I don’t know why you guys make her out to seem like a witch.”

“She gave me a black eye last year,” Aelin said. “That’s why.”

“You gave her a bloody nose in return.” Aedion pointed out.

“And didn’t you start that fight?” Elide added.

A proud smile grew on Aelin’s lips. “Yes I did.”

“You’re wickedly horrible,” Aedion glanced over at Aelin, pride shining in his eyes. “I’m so proud.”

Aelin rolled her eyes in response before looking back at Elide. “Just be careful, okay? She may seem nice to you, but trust me, she can be the biggest bitch.”

Elide didn’t want to point out that sometimes, Manon kind of reminded her of Aelin when it came to bitchiness.

“Don’t worry,” Aedion stopped at the red light before looking back at her. “She said the same thing to Dorain and it didn’t work. They’re basically best friends. Pretty sure if Blackbeak wasn’t gay, they’d be banging at this point.”

Aelin shot him a glare. The bickering between the two carried on, but Elide had honestly stopped listening at that point. Her gaze turned to the window, taking in the mix of summer and fall colours as they drove by. Her cheeks were still slightly heated from talking about Manon, and she once again found herself wondering how this had happened. But she didn’t know, she couldn’t find the answer for that.

All she knew was that when someone brought up Manon, she couldn’t stop thinking about her.

No matter how hard she tried, what she did, she always found her mind drifting, going to the deadly beauty that was Manon Blackbeak.

They met by chance, at a party during the start of the summer. Aelin dragged her along, saying it would be a good way for her to meet people before starting her freshman year.

But that week was a bad week. Uncle Vernon had been in one of his moods. Elide could barely stay home. So many drinks later, Elide found herself in the bathroom, throwing her guts up. Manon was there, holding her hair back. And in that moment, everything hit her at once. She laughed and cried before spilling her guts to the stranger that was helping her.

Ever since, Manon had been there for her. Being her friend, making sure she was okay. Taking her in when things with her Uncle got too much and Aelin wasn’t around. She was the friend Elide needed.

Then, she woke up one day and found she couldn’t stop staring at Manon, noticing every little detail about her. The way her moon-white hair all but glowed in the sun. How she bit her bottom lip when she was thinking hard about something. The way her eyes turned up in the corners when she smiled.

Slowly, their friendship became more. Turning into secret meetings under the starry sky. Stolen kisses in the back seat of her car. Sly glances from across the hallway. The lightest brush of fingertips at the lunchroom table. Just the very thought had Elide’s stomach in knots as she dug her fingers into the leather seat of the car.

“ _IT’S GAME DAY._ ”

The sound of Aedion howling brought Elide out of the thoughts. She looked around and found that they were pulling into the parking lot of the school. Aedion had his head out the window, yelling out to his fellow teammates and students as he slowly drove by all the cars that were decorated similarly to his.

“You’re insufferable,” Aelin commented, but even she couldn’t hide her laugh as they finally pulled into a parking spot.

Aedion simply stuck his tongue out at her before jumping out of the car. There was yelling and high fiving as he met with some of his teammates, who were already waiting outside his car.

Elide could hear the phrase “it’s game day,” being shouted over and over again.

“We’ll be hearing that all day, won’t we?” She asked Aelin as they both climbed out of the car.

“Oh of course.” Aelin propped herself against the car, arms crossed over her chest. “I guess they’re afraid someone will actually forget it’s game day.”

A laugh made its way out of Elide’s lips as she hoisted her bag farther up her shoulder. But before she could make a comment, an unmistakable red car pulled into the parking lot. It parked just a far spots over from them. Elide felt her heart pick up slightly at the sight of the moon-white haired beauty stepping out of the driver’s side.

Turning back to Aelin, Elide found her watching Manon with a narrowed gaze, her lips pressed thin.

“I’ll see you later, okay?” Elide said.

Aelin’s gaze shifted to hers. It took a few moments for a smile to form on her lips, and when it did, Elide could tell it was a little forced. But Aelin nodded nonetheless.

Offering one last smile in return, Elide turned on her heel, making her way towards Manon, Asterin, and Sorrel.

“Hey.” She smiled brightly as she approached the trio.

Asterin and Sorrel offered her smiles and hellos as Manon spun around. Her ruby-red lips pulled back in a smile, causing Elide’s heart to jump.

“Hey shortie.”

“I see you’re representing the school well today.” Elide’s eyes slowly drifted down Manon’s head-to-toe outfit of black in a school of red and gold.

Manon leaned back against her car. “I’m representing it for the hellhole that is it.”

“If she had black lipstick I’m pretty sure she would have worn that too.” Asterin teased, causing Manon to roll her eyes.

“You don’t own black lipstick?” Elide raised a teasing eyebrow. “I find that hard to believe.”

“Someone’s funny this morning,” Manon’s golden eyes shined in the morning sun, a secret glint hiding in them. She dropped her voice slightly as another car pulled up and Asterin and Sorrel walked over to join Vesta and Kaya. “How’re you doing, by the way? I haven’t seen you in a few days.”

The smile on Elide’s lips slowly started to fall. She tried to shrug, but the movement felt too forced, too robotic.

“I’m good,” She picked at her bag’s strap, trying to look casual as she turned to face Manon. “I mean, I have a Chem test next week that I’m probably going to fail. Plus a shit ton of homework. But-”

“That’s not what I meant.”

The tone in Manon’s voice caused Elide to look up. Her dark gaze clashed with Manon’s golden one. Her core heated, toes curling, at that intense gaze. She suddenly found herself wishing they were doing anything other than talking right then. And by the way Manon’s eyes darked, Elide could tell she was thinking the same thing.

“I know.” Elide spoke up after a moment, surprised by how strong her voice sounded. Then, a sigh left her lips. “It’s… okay. It’s been one of the better weeks.”

Manon gave one simple nod. Her face hard, eyes intense. She didn’t reply, never did. She’d ask Elide the same question, Elide would honestly answer, and that was it.

“Okay.” She nodded once more as the warning bell for first period rang. A playful spark slowly appeared in her eyes. “You still catching a ride with me to the game?”

The slightest smile pulled on Elide’s lips. “Definitely.”

“Great. Asterin and Sorrel are coming with us. But,” the smile that pulled on Manon’s lips had Elide’s toes curling, “I can pick you first. Maybe even a bit early. So we can talk.”

“I’m sure  _talking_  is exactly what you have in mind.”

That mischievous grin becoming bigger was Manon’s only response. “Come on, I’ll walk you to class.”

Pushing off of her car, Manon walked over to Elide. She threw an arm around her shoulder before guiding her towards the school. Just that simple contact had Elide’s heart racing, beating against her rib cage. But she kept her face cool, neutral.

It was no secret to anyone that Manon was a lesbian. She was confident and proud. She didn’t try to hide it, like Elide did. Like she had to. Because dating a girl right now, publicly, wouldn’t do her any favors. Not while she was living with her homophobic Uncle. Plus, Elide wasn’t 100% sure she was ready to come out. And she was grateful that Manon understood and respected that.

Taking a deep breath in through her nose, the pair walked through the front doors of the school. They were silent as they walked to Elide’s first class. Manon dropped her off, leaving with a wink and smile before turning on her heel and marching down the hall, hips swaying. Only one through rang through Elide’s head as she watched.

She was screwed.

——————–

The Rifthold Royals  _definitely_  took game day more seriously than the Doranelle Whitetails ever did.

At his old school on game day, Rowan and his team would wear their jerseys and there would be a few students who wore a school t-shirt. But that was about it.

Here, everyone went all out.

The whole school was a sea of red and gold. There were posters and banners hanging on the walls. Balloons in the main foyer. The team wore jerseys while every else dressed head to toe in the school colours. People even went as far as to add face paint.

Honestly, it was a bit overwhelming. Even more so now that the school day was over.

Rowan didn’t think it was possible to take him this long to get from his locker to the parking lot. Every two steps he took, someone stopped them, wishing Fenrys, Connall, Vaughn and him good luck at the game tonight.

“You get use to it,” Connall laughed, seeing the look on Rowan’s face as they finally made it outside. “The Whitetails not that big on school spirit?”

Rowan shook his head. “Nothing compared to this.”

“They do go a bit overboard here,” Vaughan said, an arm casually thrown around Connall’s shoulders as they walked towards the parking lot.

“I don’t know what you’re complaining about,” Fenrys spoke up. He sent a wink to a group of giggling girls before turning towards his friends, giant grin on his face. “It’s great.”

“You like it because it feeds your ego.” Connall rolled his eyes at his twin.

“It’s amazing your head can still fit in your helmet, honestly.” Vaughan added.

Rowan had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop from smiling.

“Look at the lovebirds,” Fenrys shot a glare at the pair. “Thinking you’re all cute and funny.”

Connall raised an eyebrow. “We are funny.”

“Are we’re definitely cute.” To prove his point, Vaughan leaned over and placed a short and sweet kiss on Connall’s lips.

This time Rowan did smile, as Fenrys groaned.

“You’re both unbearable, that’s what you are.”

A deep chuckle made it’s way out of Rowan’s lips as they approached their cars, only to find company already there.

Aedion was standing next to his own car, giving Lysandra a worried look as she stood next to him, a distant look in her eyes. Meanwhile, Lorcan was leaning against his black truck, looking just about ready to jump in and drive someone over.

All it took was for Rowan to flick his eyes to the left to see who that person was.

Aelin was leaning against Aedion’s car, sporting a pair of black, high-waist jeans and a cropped red sweater that had  _ROYALS_  written across it in gold letters. Her hair was in two messy braids, red and gold ribbons tied at the ends. Just seeing that smirk plastered on her face, leg propped up on the car, arms crosses over her chest, caused Rowan’s blood to slowly boil.

“Little A!”

Utter confusion and shock took over Rowan’s face. He watched as Fenrys walked over to Aelin, who looked up at him with a big smile.

“Hey bro,” she laughed, taking Fenrys’ hand in hers as they did some secret handshake.

“When are you coming over again? I miss beating your ass in Mario Kart.” Fenrys winked, causing a smile to pull on the corner of Aelin’s lips.

“Last I recall, I kicked  _your_  ass.” She said. “You kept falling off of Rainbow Road.”

“That’s because Rainbow Road is the devil’s work.”

“You two are friends?”

The words were out of Rowan’s mouth before he could stop them.

How had he not noticed this before? Then again, he didn’t think he’d ever seen Fenrys and Aelin in the same room together.

Aelin’s bright gaze turned to him. She slowly moved her eyes from his face to his toes and back up. Just that alone had Rowan clenching his fist, even before she raised an elegant eyebrow at him.

“We grew up together.”

Her voice was hard, laced with ice. It only caused Rowan’s blood to heat more.

“We,” Fenrys nodded his head towards Connall, “were in figure skating before hockey. To help us learn to skate. We met Big A and Little A there and haven’t been able to get rid of them since.”

_Big A and Little A. Aedion and Aelin._

Rowan simply nodded, his gaze slowly shifting back to Aelin. She was still watching him with that damn raised eyebrow. So he returned the favour by narrowing his own brows.

This girl…

The tension around them grew thicker. No one was speaking, probably because no one really knew what to say. Rowan and Aelin just kept staring each other down.

Until Lysandra decided to step in and break the silence.

“I don’t think we’ve met yet,” She said. There was an edge to her voice that Rowan couldn’t place, that distinct look still there. It looked to Rowan as if she had a heavy weight on her shoulders. But nevertheless, she smiled at him as she walked around Aelin, holding out her hand. “I’m Lysandra.”

It took Rowan a moment to break his lock on Aelin’s gaze. But he eventually turned to Lysandra, offering her the smallest smile as he took her hand.

“Aedion’s girl,” He nodded. “Rowan.”

Lysandra simply snorted as she stepped back. “I’m not Aedion’s girl. If anything he’s my guy.”

Aedion sent her a slight glare at that comment, before seemingly deciding it wasn’t worth it to argue. So he settled with rolling his eyes.

“But I know who you are,” she continued, smile on her own lips. “I’ve heard a lot about you. Some good, some bad.”

Aelin’s sharp gaze shifted from him to Lysandra. Just the action alone had Rowan rolling his eyes.

Of course Aelin was talking crap about him. That fact didn’t surprise him one bit.

“We should get going.” Lorcan spoke up for the first time. His tone was clipped, gaze hard. Rowan honestly thought he was about to run Aelin over. “Coach wants us there earlier to get ready for the game.”

Everyone nodded their agreements. Honestly, Rowan figured they were just grateful to get out of the awkward situation.

They all piled into their cars. Lorcan climbed into his truck, followed by Fenrys. Connall and Vaughan headed for Vaughan’s car, and Lysandra followed Aedion into his.

Rowan was about to join Lorcan and Fenrys, when he felt a pair of eyes still on him.

Turning, he found Aelin standing there. She was still watching him with that raised eyebrow.

“What?” He snapped, voice hard and cold.

But she didn’t reply. She simply cocked her head to the side, watching him for another moment. Then, the smallest smile started to pull on her lips. She sent him a wink before finally walking around Aedion’s car and climbing in.

Rowan stood there then, watching the spot she was had just been standing in. It was only when Lorcan called out to him that he walked away. His blood was beyond boiling at this point and he felt ready to punch something.

Aelin got under his skin. And she knew it.

God. He couldn’t stand that girl.

——————–

“Remember - if you’re going drinking tonight, don’t drink and drive. Watch your drink at all times. And Aunt Ashlin and Uncle Gavriel are home tonight. They said if you need anything, anything at all, both of you, give them a call.”

“Mom,” Aelin crossed her arms as she leaned against the kitchen counter. “We’ll be fine. You say this every time we go out.”

“Because I worry about you. Both of you.” Evalin fixed Aelin and Lysandra a pointed look before looking down to double check the contents in her purse, again. “I can’t stop you from drinking, even though you  _are_  underage. But I can try and make sure you stay safe.”

“Don’t worry, Evalin,” Lysandra spoke up from where she sat at the breakfast bar, eating some homemade cookies. “I’ll make sure little miss Aelin stays out of trouble tonight.”

“Yeah? And how do you plan to do that with your tongue down Aedion’s throat all night?” A smirk grew on Aelin’s lips. It started to slip, however, as Lysandra’s wide gaze turned to her. She looked scared, worried, petrified. But the look disappeared just as fast as it came, quickly replaced by a glare.

A disapproving look appeared on Evalin’s face as she looked up, turning to the brunette.

“Lysandra,” Her tone turned stern, motherly. “Tell me I don’t have to also have a sex talk with you right now.”

Aelin watching Lysandra, studying her. She felt the smallest smile start to pull on her lips as she watched Lysandra squirm in her seat. The brunette couldn’t meet Evalin’s eyes as a blush colored her cheeks.

“No, Evalin.” Lysandra cleared her throat, placing down her cookie.

Aelin watched as her mother raised an eyebrow, her sharp gaze still fixed on Lysandra. As much as she enjoyed watching Lys squirm - not much could unnerve her - she decided to save her friend.

“Mom,” she spoke up, drawing her mother’s attention back to her, “You have nothing to worry about. It’s just a house party. It’s not like we’re actually going to a club or anything.”

“And where’s this party again?” Evalin asked, turning back to her purse.

Lysandra, who had picked her cookie back up, swallowed before answering. “Rowan Whitethorn’s place.”

Evalin looked at Aelin and Lysandra with a questioning look as she walked over to the drawer next to the fridge. She started digging through it, speaking over her shoulder.

“Rowan Whitethorn? I don’t think I know him.”

“He’s Aedion’s boyfriend,” Lysandra smirked, taking another cookie off  of the plate as Aelin rolled her eyes.

“He’s new,” she explained to her mother. She was finding it hard to keep her words light as she spoke. “He’s on the team. Centre I think. He’s also a jerk. But it’s fun to push his buttons.”

Evalin turned around, phone charger in hand. She gave her daughter a raised eyebrow walking back to her purse and placing the charger inside as Lysandra snorted.

“Him and Aelin… don’t really get along.”

“He gives me a look of pure hate when I walk into a room,” Aelin shrugged. “Not exactly someone I want to be friends with.”

But Evalin didn’t comment. She continued studying her daughter, brows pinched slightly as her eyes shined with concern.

“Oh stop it,” she waved off her mother. “It’s nothing. Apparently not everyone can handle my amazing personality.”

Aelin sent her mother a smile. She wasn’t sure if it looked forced or not. Iit sure felt like it was.

She could basically see the wheels in her mother’s head turning. See her trying to find out how Rowan Whitethorn fit into her daughter’s life. How everything that had happened these past two years affected how she felt about him.

Because that’s what her mother did these days. Everything Aelin did, everything she said, she tried to bring it back to the accident, to the day she lost Sam Cortland.

Aelin and her mother, they were close. Best friends close. Aelin talked to her mother about almost everything. From how she drunkenly made out with Dorain the start of freshman year, to almost all the details about her and Chaol’s relationship. Though there were some things Aelin kept to herself. Her true feelings about what happened to Sam was one of those things.

She hardly talked about Sam to anyone

The concerned look on Evalin’s face didn’t fade away as the silence in the kitchen grew. She continued to study Aelin, looking about ready to say something, when the voice of Rhoe Galathynius called from the foyer.

“Evalin! We need to get going!”

Evalin glanced towards him, before looking back at Aelin.

“We’ll be fine mom.” Aelin kept the smile on her face. “You and dad need to go. Nehemia will be here to take us to the game soon anyways.”

Another moment passed by, and Evalin didn’t move.

“Really Evalin,” Lysandra smiled brightly. “If you don’t trust me or Aelin, trust Nehemia. She’s gonna be there and I’m sure will be keeping a watchful eye on us.”

After a beat, Evalin shifted her eyes at Lysandra before a smile pulled on her lips.

“Why didn’t you say that earlier,” she sighed, grabbing her purse off of the island. “I feel much better now.”

Lysandra barked out a laugh as Aelin rolled her eyes, her body relaxing slightly.

“Are we ready to go?” Rhoe asked, as Evalin walked out of the kitchen and into the foyer, Aelin and Lysandra trailing behind.

“Yes.” Evalin glanced at the two suitcases next to the door. “You packed the clothes that were sitting on the washer, right?”

Rhoe nodded before glancing at his watch. “Okay, we really need to get going if we’re going to make it before the hotel stops doing check-ins.”

With a quick nod of her head, Evalin turned to her daughter. She pulled her into a bone crushing hug, causing Aelin to laugh.

“You’re going to be back Sunday, mom.”

As if in response, Evalin placed a kiss on Aelin’s forehead as she pulled back. “Be good, enjoy the game, and be careful tonight, okay?”

“Always.” Aelin smiled at her mother before her father stepped in, and Evalin gave Lysandra a quick hug.

“Call us if you need anything.” Rhoe gave his daughter a hug and kiss as Aelin nodded.

“Will do. Now you guys need to get going!” Aelin all but pushed her parents out the front door.

With one more hug and kiss each, Evalin and Rhoe grabbed their bags and made their way to the car. And after a few more calls of  _i love you,_  Aelin and Lysandra watched from the doorway as her parents drove down the driveway and onto the main road.

“Thanks for that.” Lysandra spoke up the moment Aelin closed the front door. Her voice was laced with annoyance. “I can’t believe your mom offered to have the sex talk with me.”

“She would have done it too.” Aelin leaned against the wall, eyes narrowed as she watched her friend. “Speaking of - are you okay? You’ve been… off lately.”

Lysandra made a show of titling her head, confusion appearing on her face. But Aelin could still see the worried, uncertain look in her eyes.

“Yeah,” She said. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Aelin didn’t reply. She simply studied Lysandra for a moment longer, crossing her arms over her chest before she spoke up again.

“You know you can talk to me, right? About anything, at any time.”

“Same goes for you.”

The atmosphere is the room became cold, tense, as both girls locked eyes. There were so many unspoken words between them, deep dark secrets that neither wanted to talk about. The silent room screamed at them, the tension becoming unbearable.

Aelin wasn’t really sure who would break first. But it didn’t matter. Before either of them could say anything, they heard a car pulling into the driveway, followed shortly by a quick knock on the door, which opened a few moments later.

Standing in the doorway, Nehemiah’s sharp, calculated gaze moved between Aelin and Lysandra. She took a moment to take both of them in and feel the tension in the room, before speaking up with a raised eyebrow.

“You two ready?”

The words shattered the moment, and a smile appeared on Lysandra’s face.

“Girls,” her bright green eyes flicked between Aelin and Nehemia, “it’s party time.”


	6. She could see the smile lighting up his face

Hometown pride was just as big as school pride when it came to hockey games in Rifthold.

The stadium was packed with the people. The bleachers on both sides of the ice were full, and Aelin was sure the whole town showed up to watch the first game on the season.

And what a game it was.

Second period was coming to an end, and both the Rifthold Royals and Skull Bay Pirates had yet to score a goal. Dorian was definitely living up to his nickname this game. But the Pirates’ goalie seemed to be just as good.

The tension in the arena was thick. Everyone was waiting for someone to score that first goal. And it only grew thicker every time the puck got close to a net.

But though the scoring was lacking, the fights and penalties definitely weren’t.

If Aelin didn’t know any better, she’d think the only reason Fenrys, Aedion, and Lorcan were on the team in the first place was to pick fights. They spent more time throwing punches and sitting in the penalty box than they did actually playing the game.

“If he wanted to throw punches all day long,” Lysandra watched with narrowed eyes as the referee broke up  _another_  fight between Aedion and one of the Pirates players. “He should have just joined wrestling.”

Aelin couldn’t help but agree, but her uncle speaking up behind her prevented her from making a comment.

“What?”

Glancing back, Aelin found her Aunt Ashlin giving Uncle Gavriel a pointed looked before rolling her eyes.

“He’s definitely your son.” She said with a shake of her head.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“Because most of the times it is.” Even though her face hold a seriousness to it, Aelin could hear the teasing in her tone. And Gavriel did too by the way he chuckled and rolled his eyes.

“Someone better score a goal soon,” Nehemia commented, catching Aelin’s attention. She turned back around, eyes following the puck across the ice. A Pirate player zoomed down the ice, taking a slapshot at the net. But Dorian, ever the prince of the team, caught the puck with ease, and the crowd cheered loudly. “I’m afraid someone may actually start a riot.”

“This is what makes a good game,” Gavriel spoke up. “When someone finally makes the first goal, the crowds going to go crazy.”

“Or actually kill someone if it’s the other team that gets the goal.” Aelin watched as Chaol stood in the face off with one of the Pirates players, the puck dropping.

“Yes. That’s also a possibility.”

“Like that’s going to happen,” Lysandra said. “Look at our team. It’s the best one we’ve had in years. And the most good looking.”

Nehemia rolled her eyes, shaking her head slightly. “You would be thinking about how hot the guys are right now.”

“What else is there to think about when no one’s getting any goals.” Lysandra folded her arms across her chest, her eyes zoning in on Aedion. “I can at least enjoy the view. Besides,” Her sharp gaze turned to Aelin, an unknown glint in her eyes. “Rowan looks good on the ice.”

Arching an eyebrow, Aelin watched Lysandra for a moment before turning back to the game.

“First Aedion, now you.” She said. “You’ve officially became the couple who’s obsessed with Rowan Whitethorn.”

Out of the corner of her eyes, Aelin saw Lysandra give a lazy shrug. “I’m just saying.”

The crowd around them suddenly grew tense. Their cheers and chants grew louder and louder as Vaughan skated down the ice with the puck. Aelin couldn’t help but lean forward in her seat and the roaring in the stadium increased. She didn’t dare blink as Vaughan got closer to the net and took the shot. She was sure no one in the stadium was breathing as the puck headed for the top right corner. But at the last possible moment, the goalie saw what was happening and reached up, catching the puck.

Aelin slouched back in her seat as the crowd erupted, sounds of disappointment filling the arena. She even saw Vaughan curse himself as the ref blew the whistle.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Lysandra sighed. “We’re going into third period and there hasn’t been one goal yet in the whole game.”

“There’s still just over a minute left to the period.” Nehemia pointed out. “Someone can still make a goal by then.”

“Unlikely with the way this game is going.”

“Have some faith in our team,” Aelin nudged her slightly, a teasing smile on her face. “You did say there are the best we’ve had.”

“I have faith in the team,” Lysandra shot Aelin a sideways glance before looking back at the ice. “A little less in Aedion though. He’s too busy throwing his fist to even know where the puck is.”

Aelin heard Gavriel and Ashlin chuckle behind her as her own laugh bubbled out of her lips.

She turned back to the game as the Royals switched out some players. She saw jersey number 3 - Lorcan - step behind the boards as Rowan jumped over them, stepping onto the ice. And despite herself, despite everything in her, she couldn’t help but agree with Lysandra.

Rowan did look damn good skating on that ice.

She hated not only him for making her think that, but herself, for  _actually_  being slightly turned on watching him play.

There was no denying it, he was good.  _Really good_. Every time he was on the ice, Aelin couldn’t help but watch him. Her eyes picked out his white and red jersey - the home jerseys - easily. The name  _WHITETHORN_  and a giant number  _13_  on the back was like a beacon, calling to her. He moved across the ice gracefully, like he was flying. Every bodycheck, every pass of the puck, every shot on the net, it was precise and beautifully brutal. It was like he was born to do this, trained from an early age. It was mesmerizing to watch.

God. Aelin hated herself right now. She didn’t even want to think about the pull she felt in the pit of her stomach when Rowan stepped off the ice in first period. When he pulled off his helmet to reveal completely tousled white hair. When he took his water bottle and squirted water all over his sweat covered face.

No. She definitely didn’t want to think about that.

Nox stood in the face off this time. The moment the puck hit the ice and the whistle blew, the clock started, counting down the last minute of the period.

The crowd was on edge, the noise volume going down a few notches as everyone watched that black puck moving across the white ice.

Aelin didn’t dare blink. She kept her gaze glued to the game, her eyes bouncing around as the puck got passed back and forth.

After a few moments of the puck just being passed between players, Aedion suddenly broke free. He shot the puck up across the ice. Nox caught it with ease before turning around and skating towards the net. The tension in the air grew thicker and thicker the closer Nox got to the net. The chanting grew louder, the crowd grew more restless.

There were just 20 seconds left on the clock when Nox made it, but the Pirates goalie was ready. However, he had to make a shot now, Aelin realized, because the other Pirates players were quickly making their way towards him.

“There’s no way he can make the shot.” Lysandra said, already sounding defeated. But she was right. The goalie was waiting, ready to block whatever shot Nox threw at him.

Every shot. But one.

With just 10 seconds left on the clock, Nox took the shot. But not towards the net. He shot the puck across the ice. Across to Rowan, who was waiting on the other side of the net.

Aelin wasn’t even sure the puck touched Rowan’s stick as he shot it. Shot it straight into the net.

The buzzer for the goal went off the same time as the whistle, signaling end of the period.

Rowan just scored the first goal of the season.

The crowd jumped to their feet, howling and roaring, clapping and cheering. Lysandra squealed before pulling Aelin into a hug as Nehemia laughed.

But Aelin couldn’t take her eyes off Rowan.

She watched as he threw his fist into the air. Watching as he pulled Nox into a hug. Watched as the rest of the team jumped over the boards and skated forward, tackling him into a hug.

 _Joy_. There was pure joy there. Something Aelin realized she never once saw on his face, not once since he moved to this town. Even from here she could see the smile lighting up his face, and her heart gave a sharp lurch at the sight.

And it scared her. Scared her enough that it caused her to turn away, stomach in knots. She looked at Lysandra, trying to smile as the brunette laughed and cheered with the rest of the crowd. But her mind wasn’t in it.

She  _hated_  Rowan for making her feel like that. Even if it was just for a short second.

But she hated herself even more for liking it.

——————–

The Royals beat the Pirates in the first game of the season. The score; 1-0, with Rowan Whitethorn giving the Royals their first and only goal.

That was definitely reason enough to party.

The atmosphere in the locker room after the game was electrified. The whole team was on a high. There were howls of excitement, claps on the back, barking laughs, all as a bass-heavy song pounded through the portable speaker Nox brought with him. It was such an exhilarating feeling, and the whole time Dorian couldn’t wipe the smile off his face.

After long moments of undressing, celebrating, and Fenrys ridiculous dancing, the team finally started to pile out. Everyone got ready to head over to Rowan’s place for the big post-game party.

“I’ll meet you at the car,” Dorian stood up, turning towards Chaol with a teasing smile on his lips. “Don’t take too long. Beers await.”

Chaol simply responded by rolling his eyes as he continued packing up his things. “Go warm up the car asshole.”

With a chuckle, Dorian slung his bag over his shoulder and made his way out the the locker room. He only had to stop a few times on his way out to high five some of his teammates, who were still packing things up, but stepping out of the room.

“You looked hot out there tonight, princeling.” A silky smooth voice spoke up just as Dorian was about the leave the arena.

He turned around, only to find Manon casually leaning against the wall just to his right, arms crossed over her chest.

He couldn’t keep the smile off his lips as he spoke, laughter sparking in his eyes.

“Is this where I tell you how hot you look tonight, too, witchling?”

“You don’t need to tell me that,” Her ruby lips pulled back in a grin. “I already know it.”

Dorian cocked his head to the side, rolling his eyes as he walked towards her. “Of course you do.”

“You, on the other hand, could have melted the ice, you were that hot.” She continued, that damn teasing smile still on her face. “I’m pretty sure I even saw some girls pass out when you saved that last goal.”

“You’re hilarious.”

“Stop telling me things I already know.”

Laughter creeped its way out of Dorian’s lips. The grin on Manon’s lips grew bigger as she pushed herself off the wall. Taking a few steps forward, she pulled him into a hug, which Dorian returned without a second thought.

Dorian never really understood why everyone - mainly Aelin and Lysandra - hated Manon. The moment they met, they hit it off. Well, really, it was more so Dorian  _hitting_  on Manon all night when they first met - something that Manon found hilarious, both then and now. It was only when he tried to kiss her that Manon decided to tell him she was into girls. And though it was kind of humiliating at the time, the two have been good friends ever since.

“What are you still doing here anyways?” He asked once they pulled back. “Figured you be at least three beers in by now.”

She rolled those golden eyes, that signature smirk growing on her lips. “Elide’s waiting by the car. I just wanted to stop by and say congrats on the win tonight.”

Dorian’s heart warmed. This, this was the Manon he always saw.

“And to apologize in advance for kicking your sorry little ass in beer pong later on tonight.”

And that was the Manon mostly everyone else saw.

“You’re a fucking pain,” Dorian couldn’t help but chuckle as he shook his head. “Why am I friends with you again?”

“Because you love me.”

A witty comment sat on the tip of Dorian’s tongue, when the locker room door opened up.

Manon’s head slowly turned, a wicked smile growing on her face when she saw Chaol standing there. Dorian watched as Chaol raised an eyebrow at her, body tense, as he walked forward.

“Westfall.” Manon drawled out. Her white teeth seemed to glow in the poor lighting of the stadium, ruby lips pulled back.

“Blackbeak.” Chaol’s narrowed gaze flicked to her for a moment before turning back to Dorian. “Ready?”

It was a struggle for Dorain not to roll his eyes and keep his snort at bay. Honestly, Chaol was just as bad around Manon as Aelin was. Maybe even worse.

With one last glance at Manon, Dorian shot her a little smirk.

“See you at the party.”

“Be prepared to have your ass kicked.” Manon’s grin matched his. She held his gaze for a moment longer, before sending him a wink and walking out into the parking lot, hips swaying with each step.

The moment she was gone, Dorian threw Chaol a pointed look.

“I’m not saying anything.” He all but held up his hands in surrender as the two stepped outside, the night sky looming over them.

“Good.”

They reached Dorian’s car in no time and walked to the back, throwing in their bags once he popped the trunk.

“But why are you friends with her again?”

Dorian didn’t reply, he simply rolled his eyes. Because Chaol always asked him that question. No matter what. And Dorain always replied with the same answer. No matter what. So he didn’t even bother to answer his question this time around.

“Get in the car, asshole,” was all Dorian said as they walked around the car. He looked up at Chaol over the roof, a grin pulling up in the corners of his lips. “We have a party to get to.”

——————–

Lysandra pulled her jacket tighter around her as a cold evening breeze blew by. She tapped her foot impatiently on the ground, leaning back against Aedion’s car. The only light came from the street lights looming over the rink parking lot.

She shivered, and not just because of the cold.

Glancing to her right, she found Aelin fiddling with her phone - more than likely editing and posting the picture of them and Nehemia at the game - also leaning against the car. The blonde was too caught up in what she was doing to even glance back at her.

With a light sigh leaving her lips, Lysandra turned back towards the main doors of the stadium, wishing Aedion would hurry up and get out. Her and Aelin met up with him just outside of the locker room after the game. Aedion told them to wait by his car for him, that he’d be there in a moment. They should have known he’d be longer than “just a moment”. It didn’t help that it was freezing outside. And who locked their cars in this town anyways? Plus, the longer Lysandra stood waiting, the more likely it was for her mind to start to drift.

And she did not want her mind to start drifting. Not now.

Because if it did… There was only one thing she would start to think about. And if she thought about that, even a little, she was pretty sure she would start to go insane.

Crossing her arms over her chest, Lysandra glared harder at the doors.

Aedion  _better_  hurry up.

She wanted to get to this party. She needed something to distract her right now. She needed to watch her friends get so wasted they couldn’t remember their own names. She needed to see Aelin and Fenrys team up to beat Dorian and Manon in beer pong. She needed  _something_  to take her mind off the fact that-

“Why are you so mad at those poor doors?”

Lysandra all but jumped out of her skin. She turned her head sharply, only to find Aedion standing next to her, head cocked to the side, his blue-gold eyes glowing in the lamp light.

She must have been so lost in her thoughts she didn’t see him walk out with …  _Rowan_?

With narrowed, confused eyes, Lysandra took in Rowan, who was standing next to Aedion. However he and Aelin were having their own staring contest, neither of them noticing anything else around them.

Lysandra couldn’t help but roll her eyes at this. There was so much sexual tension between those two it was unbelievable. She had half a mind to trap them both in a closet tonight.

Then again…

“Rowan’s catching a ride with us back to his place,” Aedion explained. “He came with his parents, but their already left.”

Lysandra nodded, watching as Aelin simply raised an eyebrow at Rowan, who narrowed his eyes in return.

“Can we get going?” Lysandra turned back to Aedion. “I’m about to lose my freaking toes.”

Aedion nodded, unlocking his car doors and popping the trunk. He walked to the back, throwing in his hockey bag and signaling for Rowan to do the same.

“All aboard!” A grin pulled on Aedion’s face as he walked to the driver’s side door. But he paused, glancing between Aelin and Rowan for a moment, a devilish looking appearing in his eyes. “Please don’t kill each other in my backseat.”

Aelin huffed, rolling her eyes before pulling open the door and climbing in. Rowan shot Aedion a glare before following her lead.

Lysandra climbed into the passenger’s side, grateful to finally be inside the car. No one spoke as Aedion started it up, music blasting through the speakers as he pulled out of the parking lot.

The drive, for the most part, was silent. The conversation was mostly between Aedion and Rowan or Aedion and Aelin, but even that was few and far between.

Lysandra just kept her gaze on the window. She couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“You okay?” Aedion reached for her hand, giving in a squeeze. His voice was low, only loud enough for her to hear. “You’ve seemed distracted all day. These past few days, actually.”

Taking a deep breath in through her nose, Lysandra forced a smile onto her face.

“I’m fine,” she tried to reassure him - to reassure herself. “I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately.”

Aedion glanced over at her, studying her for a moment before flashing her a charming grin.

“Well, try to relax tonight okay?” He said. “It’s going to be a fun night.”

——————–

_The Next Morning:_

Aelin groaned, moving a hand to cover her eyes from the blazing sun. Her head felt like it was being hit by a jackhammer, and the sudden bright light did very little to help.

She started to turn over, but stopped when her stomach gave a sudden jump. She took a few uneven breaths to try and calm down her stomach, and once she didn’t feel like she was about to hurl, she slowly sat. A moan left her lips as she rubbed a hand across her face before slowly opening her eyes.

She was in a bedroom. Only it wasn’t  _her_  bedroom. Or Lysandra’s, or Nehemiah’s, or Aedion’s

No. Aelin was somewhere she didn’t recognize.

The room was pretty bare, really. There were no posters on the wall or pictures. Just a shelf lined with trophies and medals above a desk that was littered in papers. There were some boxes stacked in the corners and a giant bed in the middle of the room.

A bed Aelin found herself sitting on.

The sound of someone letting out a sleepy groan caught Aelin’s attention. Her heart started to speed up as she turned to her right. Too quick - a moan left her lips as she grabbed her head and closed her eyes, praying the spinning would stop.

With a long deep breath in through her nose, Aelin slowly opened her eyes.

Her heart stopped all together at the sight of the shirtless boy next to her.

 _Fuck_. She cursed herself as she bit her lip.  _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

Slowly turning her head, Aelin glanced down. Her heart dropped when she noticed she was only wearing a man’s shirt and her underwear.  _Nothing else._

With her heart in her throat, Aelin silently climbed out of bed. She had to stand there for a moment, eyes closed and taking deep breaths. When she was sure she wasn’t about to throw her guts up, she started looking for her phone. Only to find it across the room, in her pants pocket.

 _Fuck_.

She had messages from Lysandra, asking where she was. From Nehemia, asking what happened to her last night.

The sound of groaning coming from the bed caused Aelin to drop her phone.

She shot up, too fast. The world around her started to spin again and she swayed slightly. But she managed to breathe, taking in the white, sleep-tousled hair and hard muscles of his chest.

She watched as he slowly sat up, holding his head with closed eyes. Then he ran a tired hand over his face, through his hair, messing it up ever more, but slowly opening them.

Green eyes crashed with her blue-gold ones.

They both froze. Her, across the room in just his shirt. Him, shirtless in bed.

Neither of them moved. Neither of them dared to breath as their gazes held. Both of them having looks of confusion written all over their faces.

Aelin’s head started to spin again as she tried to piece everything together, everything about last night. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t remember anything as she swallowed. She watched as Rowan opened his mouth, but no words came out. Swallowing, he cleared his throat, voice cracking as he held her gaze.

“What the hell happened last night?”


	7. He wanted to know the taste of her lips.

_Where’s my bra?_

That was the only thought running through Aelin’s head as she stood there, in the middle of Rowan’s bedroom. With Rowan sitting in his bed, shirtless.

Obviously there were more important matters at hand.

An eerie silence draped over the room. Neither one of them spoke, neither one of them even knew what to say. And, if she was being honest, Aelin was half afraid that if she opened her mouth, she may actually be sick.

She tried to work around the fog that laced her memoires. She tried to think of what the hell happened last night. More importantly, how she came to be standing before Rowan in just her underwear. But she was coming up empty. Everything was a big drunken blur. The last thing she remembered was her and Fenrys kicking Dorian and Manon’s asses at beer pong - and even that was fuzzy.

_Where’s my bra? And pants._

The sound of Aelin’s phone ringing by her foot echoed off the bare bedroom walls. The sound broke whatever spell was around them. The weight of what  _may_  have happened last night came crashing down on Aelin as she reached for the phone. Her stomach lurched and head spun as she picked it up, only to see a message from Nehemia, asking if she was still alive and who the lucky guy was.

Suddenly, she became  _very_  aware of the fact she wasn’t wearing a bra. And was in just her underwear. And Rowan’s t-shirt.

Her body felt like a live wire. Every inch of her was aware of Rowan’s gaze, watching, as there was a pull in the pit of her stomach. Her whole body felt flushed, hot. Confusion and frustration hit her like a ton of bricks.

She needed to get out of this room. Out of this house.

Quickly, she tapped Nehemia’s name, sending her a message to pick her up.  _Now_.

Once the message was sent, she looked up. But not at Rowan. Taking a slow breath, she glanced around the room. Her eyes picked out her clothes spread across the wooden floor. Just the sight caused her cheeks to slightly heat and the frustration to grow.

“I-” Aelin had to stop to clear her throat, which was as raw as sandpaper. “I… I should get going.”

She didn’t look at Rowan as she finally took that first step, though she could feel his gaze on her. She tried not to let it affect her too much as she grabbed her pants off the floor, quicking throwing them on.

_At least I’m not in just my underwear now._

The thought did little to calm her frustration and - she hated to admit it - embarrassment.

She had to get out of there.  _Immediately_.

Even though her stomach was turning and she felt like she was about fall over at any moment, Aelin walked across the room.

Whatever spell Rowan was under must have broken. Because she heard the bed shift as she reached down, picking up her bra. But she didn’t once turn her head.

The thought of him possibly being entirely naked right now  _did_  cross her mind once or twice. She didn’t know if she wanted to see that or not.

“I’ll wash this for you,” Her words came out in a rush as she walked over to get her shirt. She still didn’t look at Rowan, she simply pointed at the shirt she was wearing. “And Aedion can give it to you later.”

After a quick glance around the room, Aelin found her gaze clashing with Rowan’s one last time. He was standing there -  _in boxers_  - watching her with those damn narrowed eyes. The sight irritated her beyond belief and caused heat to return to her cheeks.

“Right.” She took in a deep breath. But she had nothing else to say. She couldn’t find any other words. So she simply broke their gaze, turning on her heel and started out of the room.

She was halfway down the stairs before she heard footsteps following after her. But she didn’t stop, didn’t slow down. She had to get herself out of this house.

It was only when she was just about to put her hand on the knob of the front door that she froze.

“Aelin.”

She never heard her name come off Rowan’s lips before, ever. She was pretty sure this was the first time he even said her name out loud and there wasn’t even any hatred laced through it.

She couldn’t help it. She couldn’t stop herself as she slowly turned around, only to find Rowan standing at the bottom of the stairs.

She felt like she’d been slapped across the face.

Rowan looked  _good_  in the mornings.

With his sleep tousled hair and slightly dazed look, Aelin felt her breath hitch and a pull in the pit of her stomach. The fact that he was shirtless and looked so fucking good - like, could he seriously go to school shirtless from now on? - was a plus. With the added bonus that he was only in his boxers… Aelin tried not to let her gaze drop below his waist.

Suddenly, so suddenly that she felt dizzy, Aelin found she actually wouldn’t mind waking up next to Rowan in the mornings, if he always looked like that. There was also a distant part of her, a voice in the back of her head, that couldn’t help but wonder if she was part of the reason his hair was such a mess.

Just that thought caused her stomach to twist and core to heat again.

Irritation heated her blood. Irritation at Rowan and at herself.

How the hell did she get herself in this fucking situation?

Taking in a slow, deep breath, Aelin narrowed her eyes slightly at Rowan. She waited a moment for him to say something,  _anything_. But he didn’t.

“I’ll get the shirt back to you.” Was all she said.

She tore her gaze from Rowan, turning back around. Wasting no time, she ripped the door opened. The bright light did nothing to help her pounding head and turning stomach, but she didn’t stop. She stepped out of that house, into the blinding light.

Walking down the front steps of the porch, Aelin swore she heard Rowan curse. Followed by a fist hitting the wall.

Then the door slammed closed behind her.

——————–

_“Feel any better?”_

_Nehemia - who was sitting across the bed and flipping through a random magazine - looked up as Aelin walked into her bedroom. She gently ran a towel over her damp hair, dressed in a pair of sweats and an oversized sweater._

_“A little.” She answered truthfully._

_“Well. You look better.”_

_“That’s all that matters.”_

_Nehemia huffed out a laugh, rolling her deep brown eyes. She closed the magazine and flicked it across the bed before patting the spot in front of her._

_“Come here.”_

_With the smallest smile pulling on the corners of her lips, Aelin grabbed a brush and a hair elastic off of her dresser. She tossed the towel in her hamper before walking over to the bed, sitting down in front of Nehemia._

_They sat in silence for a few moments. Nehemia brought the brush to Aelin’s hair and gently started brushing out the long strands. The feeling caused Aelin to close her eyes, taking in a slow, deep breath._

_After walking out of Rowan’s, Aelin only ended up walking down the street for about five minutes before Nehemia showed up. They didn’t do much talking in the car - mainly because Aelin was certain if she opened her mouth she would be sick. After stopping for some McDonald’s, Nehemia drove them back to Aelin’s place, where they ate and Aelin took her time taking a long hot shower._

_“So,” Nehemia spoke up, breaking the peaceful silence. “Are you going to tell me why you were at Rowan’s all night? And why you were in his shirt without a bra?”_

_Aelin didn’t reply. She couldn’t. She couldn’t will her mouth to work. She couldn’t form any words. But she didn’t have to, because Nehemia wasn’t an idiot. There was a very good chance she knew the reason why. She simply asked Aelin to get the conversation going._

_Which was a good thing in hindsight. Because Aelin couldn’t speak the words out loud anyways. She spent the good part of her shower praying the water would wash away last night._

_Taking in a deep sigh, Aelin spoke up._

_“I don’t know.”_

_“Did you sleep with him.”_

_“I don’t know.”_

_The brush stilled in Aelin’s hair for a moment. Nehemia simply hummed before putting it down before she started parting the hair into three sections for a French braid._

_“Why did you leave me there anyways?” Aelin asked. “You were my ride home.”_

_“You don’t remember? Look up.” Nehemia tugged Aelin’s hair gently, causing her to look up._

_“I don’t remember much from last night if I’m being honest,” She said. “The last thing I vaguely remember is beating Dorain and Manon in beer pong.”_

_“Elide wanted to go home,” Nehemia explained. “I offered to bring her when you and Lys were ready, but she seemed pretty upset about something, I still don’t know what. So Lys told me to go on and she’d make sure you and her got home safely. Don’t move.”_

_Aelin had started to look over her shoulder, eyebrow raised. But she spun back around as Nehemia continued working on her hair._

_“You trusted Lysandra to get us home? No wonder I ended up staying there all night.”_

_She couldn’t bring herself to say_ Rowan’s _._

_“She was sober actually. I don’t think I saw her with one drink in her hand the whole night.” Nehemia said. “But I’m pretty sure you drunk enough for the both of you anyways.”_

_Aelin couldn’t help but narrow her eyes at this. Lysandra almost always drank at a party. She was just as much of a party animal as Aelin was. Something most have been up, especially for her to not even tell Aelin she wasn’t drinking. Plus, Elide had been upset last night. So upset she wanted to leave the party. That probably explained the_ “I’m so screwed” _text she sent._

_Looks like she had some calls to make later on._

_“So you don’t know if you had sex with Rowan or not?” Nehemia asked, nearing the end of the braid._

_Aelin bit down on her lip. She should have known Nehemia wasn’t letting this go._

_“No. I don’t.” There. She admitted it out loud. And she didn’t feel any better. “All I know is I woke up in his bed this morning, with him shirtless next to me. And I was in just his t-shirt and my underwear.”_

_Nehemia’s only reply was another hum._

_“So I take it you don’t know if we fucked or not?” Aelin tried to make it sounded like a joke, but it came out more like a question._

_“No, sorry.” Nehemia tired off the end of the braid. “When I left you and Rowan weren’t even talking.”_

_“Great.” Aelin fell back on the bed, her head resting next to Nehemia’s crossed legs. “So in the span of a few hours, I went from not talking to Rowan to jumping in his bed.”_

_“We don’t know if you guys banged or not,” Nehemia rolled her eyes. “And stop making it sound like it would be such a bad thing if you guys did.”_

_“Are you saying it’s not a bad thing?”_

_“I’m saying it could be worse.”_

_Aelin stared up at the ceiling, keeping her mouth closed. Though she did agree with Nehemia as the image of Rowan standing there in his boxers flashed in her mind. There were definitely worse guys she could have possibly hooked up with last night._

_“I have to get to work,” Nehemia stood up off the bed as Aelin pushed herself up. “You should get some sleep, you’ll feel better.”_

_A smile pulled on Aelin’s lips as she rolled her eyes. “Yes mom.”_

_“And after that you should talk to Rowan.”_

_The smile instantly fell as Aelin’s eyebrows pinched together. “What are you smoking?”_

_“I’m serious.” Nehemia picked up her jacket off the desk chair, slipping it on. “The only way you’re going to find out if you guys actually had sex is if you talk to him about it. I’m sure he was just as drunk as you last night anyways, so he’s probably just as confused.”_

_Aelin collapsed back on the bed, shaking her head. “You’re actually crazy, you know that?”_

_A soft laugh left Nehemiah’s lips. Aelin watched as she started to walk out of the bedroom, only to stop in the doorway, turning around._

_“Sleep,” she said, glancing at Aelin with a small smile on her lips. “Then talk to Rowan.”_

Aelin slowly started to wake up. The late afternoon light shined in through her bedroom window. The setting sun causing the sky to glow in shades of blue, pink, and orange.

She slept the whole afternoon away.

Running a tired hand over her face, Aelin snuggled into her pillow once more. Even though she was definitely feeling better than she did this morning, she still hoped and prayed sleep would take her again. When she was sleeping, she didn’t have to deal with her problems. But Nehemia’s words kept bouncing around in her head.

_Talk to Rowan._

Easier said than done.

Aelin could already picture how that conversation would go, and it wasn’t well. She’d be the first to admit she wasn’t Rowan’s biggest fan, but even she wouldn’t risk him that embarrassment. She couldn’t just walk up to him and ask if they had sex. Because what if they really did? What if they did have sex and Rowan remembered but she didn’t? Even she wasn’t cruel enough to bruise his ego that badly. Plus, how do you flat out ask someone something like that?

_I’m saying it could be worse._

Nehemia was right, Aelin knew that. Sure, her and Rowan couldn’t stand each other. Hell, they’d never even had an actual conversation. But out of every guy at school, Rowan really wasn’t the worst there was. Plus, even Aelin could admit he was pretty damn good looking. Just thinking about what he looked like this morning, she couldn’t help but wonder what he was like in bed…

Thoughts of Rowan’s wet, hot mouth all over her body started to form in her head. The feeling of his hands on her bare skin, the sounds he’d drag out of her as he moved slowly down her stomach, stopping right between-

Irritated and frustrated, Aelin rolled over, facing the door of her bedroom.

She felt a headache starting to come on, but not because of her hangover. No, these effects had pretty much worn off at that point. There was just too much on her mind. She just wanted to go back to sleep, forget everything. But that wasn’t going to happen any time soon.

Slowly, her eyes started to drift to the black and white duffle bag resting next to her door. She simply stared at it for a moment. Sleep wasn’t going to clear her head right now, but something else definitely would.

Jumping up, Aelin quickly changed out of her sweats. She threw on a pair of leggings, a workout tank and her lululemon jacket, before grabbing her skating bag and walking out the door.

——————–

_“Fuck!”_

_Rowan didn’t even try and hide his groan as he closed his eyes. He knew that voice, and he would never be drunk enough to deal with the fireball of a girl it came from._

_Glancing down before him, he found Aelin, now wearing his full bottle of beer. Her white crop top was soaked, relieving the pink laced bra underneath. She was looking down at her shirt, before her hazy drunken gaze moved up, clashing with his._

_“Of course it’s you,” She sighed dramatically. “Who else would hate me enough to_ actually _spill beer on me?”_

_“Lorcan probably,” Rowan answered her truthfully. Though his answer just caused her to glare harder at him. “And it was an accident.”_

_“Was it now?”_

_Rowan swayed slightly on his feet. He wasn’t a messy, loud drunk by any means, but he was still pretty wasted right then. Too wasted to be dealing with this._

_“I didn’t see you.”_

_“Clearly.” Aelin let out another sigh as she glanced down at her shirt. “What the fuck do I do now? Nehemia’s left. Lys is off banging my cousin probably. Elide is gone-”_

_“For the love of god.” Rowan snapped. Clearly, Aelin was a chatty drunk. He didn’t know why he was surprised. He placed his empty bottle on the kitchen table - and picked up a full one, lord knows he’d need it - before grabbing Aelin’s wrist. “Come on.”_

_He did his best to ignore her protest as he lead her upstairs, pushing past crowds of people. She didn’t stop yelling at him over the music the whole way up, though she didn’t pull away._

_Once they reached the end of the hall, Rowan pushed open the door to his bedroom and allowed Aelin to walk forward._

_He took a big gulp of his beer as he walked in after her, closing the door behind him._

_“You know,” A smirk started to play on her lips as she looked around the room, before slowly turning around to face him. “If you wanted me in your bed, all you had to do was ask.”_

_Rowan rolled his eyes in response, swaying slightly on his feet as he walked over to his closet._

_“Here,” He threw a random t-shirt at her. “You can wear this if it’ll shut you up.”_

_“You’re so sweet to me.” She bit back, catching the shirt with ease._

_Taking another sip of his beer, Rowan was about to comment back when he froze. All he did was stand there as Aelin pulled her shit over her head, leaving her in just her bra._

_His drunk mind wasn’t working fast enough to realize he should probably look away. He just stared, watching. A deep desire started to stir in the pit of his stomach, his blood turning hot._

_Aelin glanced down at her bra, which was also soaked with beer. Either she didn’t know Rowan was still in the room, or she didn’t care, because she suddenly turned around and unclasped her bra, throwing it across the room._

_Rowan swallowed, his pants growing tighter with each passing moment. He didn’t dare blink as Aelin picked up his shirt._

_It was only as she was pulling it on that Rowan’s drunk brian realized there was something on Aelin’s back. A tattoo. Black designs - other language maybe? - trailing down her spine._

_“Done staring?”_

_Rowan blinked, only to find Aelin standing right in front of him now. There was a drunken smile on her face, eyes glossing. But the smile on her face slowly started to fall as the air around them grew thick. Her eyes flicked to his lips and the way her eyes darkened undid him._

_Gulping down the last of his beer, Rowan tossed aside the bottle before turning back to Aelin._

_Everything after that appeared in flashes._

_His lips were on hers. The feeling of her hands in his hair. Her hands on his shirt. His on the buttons of her pants. The wall. The bed. Then nothing._

Rowan stepped into the empty parking lot of the stadium, slamming his car door shut. He pushed all thoughts of last night out his mind. Not that it was hard, everything after that first kiss was foggy. A big messy blur.

_First kiss._

First, because there had been  _many_  more after that.

Rowan still couldn’t believe it happened. He still found it hard to believe he’d kissed Aelin last night more than once. He couldn’t believe he’d let his guard down like that.

He couldn’t believe he’d liked it.

Her lips on his - it undid him. The moment their lips touched, he knew there was no going back. He was at her mercy and, in that moment, he hadn’t minded one bit.

Now, the guilt was eating him away.

He knew he shouldn’t beat himself up over it. There was nothing he could do really. What’s done was done. Plus, he was drunk when it happened. He wasn’t as wasted as Aelin had been, but enough to actually allow her to tear off his shirt while he undid the button of her pants. Enough to actually let something  _almost_  happened.

But not enough to officially go through with it. Rowan stopped them both before anything actually happened.

He probably would have slept with Aelin last night, in hindsight, if he hadn’t caught a glimpse of the picture sitting on his dresser as his pants came off.

The picture of him and Lyria.

Rowan walked to his popped trunk, pulling out his hockey bag before slamming it shut. He didn’t want to think about any of this right now, not with his head as messed up as it was.

He knew at some point he’d have to deal with what happened between him and Aelin. He’d have to sit down and figure everything out. But right now, he just wanted to skate.

Saturday nights were the only time the stadium wasn’t booked for hockey and skating, unless there was a game or competition. However, it was still open to the public. From 5pm-10pm you were able to come and go as you please. But by the looks of the empty parking lot, it seemed like Rowan was going to have the ice to himself for a while.

Stepping through the doors, Rowan breathed in the chilled air of the rink. Instantly, he started to feel better. The ice was the one place where he could forget himself, clear his mind. Something he definitely needed right then.

He took in the slightly carved up ice as he walked towards the long rows of bleachers. And it was only when he was just a few feet away that he saw  _who_  had carved up the ice.

Aelin was crouched down, her back to him. It looked like she was digging through her bag, but he couldn’t be sure. There were no skates on her feet, so he was guessing she was just finishing up.

Her tight jacket rode up her back slightly as she bent forward. Rowan felt his stomach twist slightly at the sight. The image of her tattoo flashing before his mind. He couldn’t see it now, however, but he still remembered it clear as day. Those clean, black lines forming words in another language flowing down the center of her back. He found himself wanting to know what it meant. But the thought caught him off guard. And he wanted nothing more than to  _not care_.

Before another thought could pass through his mind, Aelin stood up and turned around. She threw her bag over her shoulder and took just a few steps forward before her gaze crashed into his.

They both stood there, frozen in time, just staring at each other. Neither of them moved, neither of them breathed.

Rowan kept his eyes on her, taking her in. But the image of her standing before him this morning suddenly took over his mind. Standing before him in just his t-shirt and her underwear, hair a mess and a glossy look in her eyes. Just that image caused a pull in the pit of his stomach and his desire came alive.

Then Aelin’s eyes narrowed and the spell was broken.

She didn’t say anything as she walked forward, her gaze leaving his. The air around them was thick as she made her way towards him. Rowan stepped to the side at the last moment to let her pass by. She still wouldn’t even look at him.

“I’m sorry. For last night.”

He spoke up just as she walked by, the words leaving his mouth before he could even think about them. But he knew they had some affect on her by the way she froze, her footsteps halting.

He didn’t turn around to look at her and she didn’t reply, until she let out a humorless laugh.

“Just what a girl wants to hear,” she said, voice cold. “An apology from the guy she fucked.”

Rowan’s head snapped up as he spun around to meet Aelin’s hard gaze, his own eyes narrowed.

“What?”

“You know, I can’t even  _remember_  last night,” Aelin continued as if he hadn’t even spoken. She crossed her arms over her chest, chin held high. “But I wasn’t going to ask you about it. Because I didn’t want to bruise your ego. Because  _I’m_  considerate.”

This spiked Rowan’s attention. The confusion on his face continued to grow as he tilted his head slightly.

“You don’t remember last night?” He asked. “None of it?”

“You kidding? I don’t even remember  _talking_  to you. Let alone getting in your bed.”

The look on Aelin’s face and the tone of her voice caused irritation to flow in Rowan’s veins. His own gaze turned hard as he let his hockey bag drop to the floor.

“So you just assumed we fucked?”

“Why else would I wake up in nothing but your t-shirt and underwear?” Aelin rolled her eyes. The tone of her voice suggested that there was a silent “duh, asshole” at the end of that sentence.

A bitter laugh made it’s way out of Rowan’s lips before he could stop it.

“We definitely got to the point where we  _would_  have banged.” Saying the words out loud caused his heart to jerk, but he didn’t let it show on his face. “But we didn’t.”

Aelin blinked. For a moment, that cold hard look faded from her face. A slightly confused one took its place. “We didn’t?”

“No,” Rowan shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’d never let that happen.”

He meant it as he’d never take advantage of someone like that. But Aelin must have misunderstood his words, because the gold in her eyes darkened once more as she pursed her lips.

“Yeah. Because sleeping with me would be so bad right?” Her voice was clipped as she spoke, dropping her skating bag. “Aelin, the heartless bitch Queen of the school. That’s what Lorcan calls me, right?”

This damn girl was really starting to get on his last nerve. He could feel her crawling deeper and deeper under his skin, pushing all the right buttons. Just a few more pushes and he would explode.

“Not everyone at the school bows down to you, you know?”

The words were harsh, he knew that, but Lorcan was right. She had to be knocked down a peg or two.

“You think I don’t know that?” Aelin took the slightest step forward. She took a moment to size him up, before meeting his gaze again. “I just didn’t take you as someone to be ruled by other people’s opinions.”

Rowan’s blood was bubbling. The air around them was hot and thick, despite the fact they were standing in the middle of the ice rink.

“Trust me.” His voice was basically a growl at this point as he stepped forward.. “I formed my opinion on you all on my own.”

Aelin raised an eyebrow, taking another small step. “Oh, really?”

“Really.”

“So you learned to hate me all on your own?”

“You didn’t make it hard.”

The silence echoed off the walls around them. And it was only then that Rowan realized how close they had gotten. He could feel Aelin’s breath on his face, see the gold flecks in her eyes clear as day. He even noted there were a few freckles on her nose and cheeks. But, most unnervingly, he noticed that her lips were just inches from his.

Every nerve in Rowan’s body came alive. He was hyperaware of every movement Aelin made, and he suddenly found himself wishing he could remember what kissing her felt like. He wanted to know the taste of her lips, the feel of her nails in his hair. He wanted to touch her, skin to skin. He wanted to hear his name on her lips.

All these thoughts hit him like a ton of bricks. And they scared the fuck out of him.

It didn’t help that Aelin’s gaze flicked to his lips. And when she looked back up, the gold in her eyes had darkened for a different reason.

All it would take was an inch. All he had to do was lean forward an inch and his lips would be on hers. He could take her, kiss her senseless, pin her up against the wall-

The sound of laughter followed by the main doors slamming shut cut through them. Aelin’s head snapped towards the sound before looking back at Rowan. She held his gaze for one moment, before stepping back. She didn’t say anything as she picked up her bag, and she didn’t even look up as she walked away, out of the rink.

But she didn’t have to, because that last look she gave him told him enough.

In that short moment, Rowan saw something in Aelin’s eyes he’d never seen before. Sadness, hopelessness. Loneliness.

He had a feeling that, in that brief moment, he’d caught a glimpse of the real Aelin.

And what scared him the most, was that the look she’d had in her eyes, was the same look Rowan saw every time he looked in the mirror.

Maybe he misunderstood Aelin. Maybe they were more alike than he originally thought.


	8. All she heard was silence.

_Elide couldn’t remember the last time she saw so many bodies packed into one area. She was pretty sure that by the looks of it, every teen in and around town had showed up to the party. Then again, why wouldn’t they? The Royals won - it was time to celebrate._

_The house lights were off and the house was lit by different strobe and laser lights someone had set up. Music blasted through huge speakers in the living room. There were drinks, bottles, and cups, littered in every room of the house._

_Elide stood next to Manon as she chatted away with Asterin in the corner. The misery she’d been feeling for most of the night wrapped an angry hand around her heart and squeezed.  
_

_A mournful sigh made it’s way out of Elide’s lips as she slipped her coke. It was times like this, when there were people all around them, kissing and dragging each other off to more private rooms in the house, when it was difficult not to just_ touch _Manon. She wanted nothing more than to hold her hand, place a kiss on her lips, or drape herself over her. But she couldn’t bring herself to. And being around other couples didn’t help._

_It scared Elide, really. Because she could feel the wall of tension starting to slowly build between them, brick by brick._

_“Well,” Manon sighed. She lowered her drink from her lips, tipping it upside down. “That’s upsetting.”_

_Elide rolled her eyes, a light laugh escaping her lips. “I’ll go get refills.”_

_Manon narrowed her clouded eyes, tilting her head slightly. “You sure?”_

_“I think I can make it to the kitchen and back, Manon.” A strained smile pulled at the corners of her lips. “Probably even better then you can right now.”_

_Which was true. Elide had only had 2, maybe 3 drinks at that point, all spaced out throughout the night. She wouldn’t even have called herself buzzed right then. Manon, however, would definitely be feeling the hangover tomorrow._

_With a smile forming on her own lips, Manon sent Elide a wink. “Hurry back to me then, shortie.”_

_Another laugh left Elide’s lips, but it sounded forced. The misery weighed heavily down on her shoulders. Thankfully, Manon was too drunk to really notice._

_She made her way towards the kitchen, pushing past groups of people as she went. Upon entering the kitchen, she found that it was less crowded than other parts of the house. Probably because people only came to get drinks and then left again. And mostly everyone was completely wasted at this point anyways._

_Elide walked over to the fridge and pulled it open, grabbing a beer._

_“Hey, you.”_

_She was just about to make her way back to Manon when the voice stopped her, causing her to slowly turn around. It didn’t even take her half a second to realize who was now standing in front of her._

_Onyx eyes paired with matching shoulder-length hair and sharp facial features. Anyone who was anyone knew what Lorcan Salvaterre looked like. And what kind of boy he was._

_Elide simply raised an eyebrow at him, gripping the beer can in her hand. “Can I help you?”_

_She had seen Lorcan around the party a few times throughout the night. He was mostly with a curly-haired, brown-skinned junior - Elide thought her name was Essar, but she couldn’t be sure. In fact, the last time she saw them, she could have sworn they were arguing about something._

_“I don’t know,” Lorcan smirked at her. But it wasn’t his usual smirk. It was more sloppy, more drunk. “Can you?”_

_“My friend’s waiting for me.” Elide kept her voice cool. But Lorcan didn’t seem to hear her as he stepped forward, stumbling slightly before steadying himself on the kitchen island._

_“I’m a little drunk right now,” was his reply, “but I wanted to say I’m sorry we don’t talk a lot anymore.”_

_“This is actually the first time we’ve ever talked.” Elide raised an eyebrow. “Do you even know my name?”_

_“Nope.” Lorcan smirked once more. “But I’m sure you’ll tell me.”_

_“I’m sure I will.”_

_Lorcan watched her, a glossy look in his eyes as he blinked. “So what is it?”_

_“What?” Elide took in a deep breath. She didn’t have the time or patience for the exchange in that moment._

_“Your name?”_

_“Marion.” Elide couldn’t keep the sarcasm and annoyance out of her voice as she rolled her eyes. “Now I gotta get going.”_

_“You’re feisty,” Lorcan said, not seeming to hear her once again. He took a step forward. “Cute and feisty. I like it.”_

_“And you’re drunk,” Elide pointed out. “Like, completely wasted drunk.”_

_At this point, Lorcan was inches away from her. He stood there for a moment, studying her. But his gaze just unnerved her, her stomach twisting at the look in his eyes._

_“I’m going now,” she stated simply. Turning on her heel, she was about to make her way back to Manon, when she felt Lorcan grab her upper arm._

_“Wait.”_

_Elide spun around, giving Lorcan a questioning eyebrow as he leant down towards her._

_By the time she realized what was happening, it was too late. Whatever she was going to say was lost on Lorcan’s lip._

_Her first thought was that he tasted like beer. Lots of beer._

_Her second, was that he was actually a good kisser. A very good kisser._

_Her body reacted on its own. Her mind went blank. The only thing she could think about was Lorcan’s lips on hers._

_The beer can in her hand fell to the floor as she gripped Lorcan’s arms. She meant to push him away, but she found herself pulling him closer._

_She was leaning into him, kissing him back. She felt his hands on her waist, gripping her tightly. He then ran his tongue along her bottom lip, and Elide didn’t even try to hid her moan as heat started to build in her core._

_Then his lips were gone._

_Elide’s eyes snapped open, her breathing heavy. It took her a moment to realize what was going on. BUt when she did, dread turned her blood cold._

_Manon was standing in front of her. There were thousands of different emotions swimming in her eyes and on her face as she looked Elide over, making sure she was okay._

_“What’s your fucking problem, Blackbeak?”_

_Elide’s eyes cut from Manon to Lorcan, who was standing a few feet back after Manon had ripped him away._

_But at the sound of his voice, Manon’s eyes darkened. An air of pure hatred took over her features. Her narrowed eyes stayed on Elide for one more moment._

_Then she spun around - her fist meeting directly with Lorcan Salvaterre’s face._

Silence.

That was all Elide could hear at the moment. Silence. Even though the car radio was playing very faintly in the background. Even though the wind blowing off the water was howling past the car.

All Elide could hear was the silence. And all she could see was the look in Manon’s eyes from two nights ago. The thousands of emotions that were swimming through them. The hurt. The confusion. The anger. The image kept punching her over and over in the stomach.

“He kissed you.”

A statement, not a question.

Manon’s voice was eerily quiet as she spoke. But Elide didn’t look over at her. She couldn’t bring herself to. Honestly, she was surprised they were able to even be in the car together. But they needed to talk. That’s how Elide had found herself sitting in Manon’s car on the harbor front. The headlights reflected off of the water, along with the lights from the city across the way. It truly was beautiful, especially on a clear night like tonight. But Elide’s mind was so far gone, she couldn’t even acknowledge the beauty of it.

“And you kissed him back.” Another statement. Only this time, Elide felt Manon shift her gaze over to her. But she still didn’t look. “Why?”

There was a long moment where Elide didn’t say anything. Because she didn’t have an answer. Or because she didn’t know if Manon would like the answer she did have. Honestly, she just felt like she knew nothing at that point.

Nothing, besides the fact that Lorcan Salvaterre kissed had her Friday night. And she had kissed him back. And she had liked it.

Not kissing Lorcan, really - though he was a good kisser. No, she had liked kissing a boy.

But she also liked kissing Manon.

She’d never kissed anyone but Manon before, honestly. But the first time they kissed, Elide had never felt more alive in her life. It was like she had been asleep all that time, only to be woken up by Manon’s lips on hers. The kiss made her heart race and her blood sing. The feeling, it was addicting. She was sure nothing could compare to it.

Until she kissed Lorcan. And she got the same feeling all over again.

“Because-” Elide’s voice cracked slightly as she spoke. She struggled to find the  _right_  words. But she knew there were no right ones. Only the true ones. She’d never lied to Manon before in her life, and she wasn’t about to start now. “Because I wanted to.”

Though her eyes were on her lap, Elide could see Manon lick her lips out of the corner of her eye. Her fingers were gripping the wheel so tightly they were white.

“Because you wanted to.” She repeated slowly, as if tasting the words in her own mouth.

Elide closed her eyes, taking in a long deep breath.

“Because I liked it,” she clarified. “Because he was a boy and he was kissing me. Because he was the first boy to kiss me. And I liked it.”

Silence draped over the car. Neither of them spoke. Manon continued to grip the wheel while Elide lifted her gaze, eyes looking out at the water. Tears of frustration and confusion started to build in her eyes, but she didn’t let them fall.

“I like kissing you, a girl. And I liked kissing him, a boy.” Elide wasn’t sure anymore who she was really talking to - Manon or herself. “And I….”

Elide trailed off but Manon made no comment. The silence in the car stretched on. The air around them grew thick with every passing second. And with every moment that passed, Elide’s frustration and confusion only grew.

She couldn’t understand it. She didn’t get how she could go from liking kissing girls, to also liking kissing boys. She couldn’t wrap her head around it. And slowly, the frustration started to overpower the confusion, causing anger to boil in her blood.

Manon dragged out a long breath. From the corner of her eye, Elide watched as her fingers drummed on the wheel for a moment.

“You don’t understand it.”

Hearing the words come from someone else, hearing them being said in Manon’s clipped, hard tone, it caused a cord in Elide to snap.

“No! I don’t!” The anger in her boiled over as she spun in her seat. She was fully facing Manon now, and found her moon-white hair was shining in the light of the dashboard. If she was shocked by Elide’s outburst, she didn’t show it. Those hard, golden eyes just stayed locked on Elide.

“I don’t understand it!” Elide continued, frustration pouring out of her. “I don’t understand how I can  _feel_  almost the same thing for Lorcan as I… as I do for you… It doesn’t… I….”

Elide closed her eyes, fighting back the angry tears that wanted to fall. She took a moment to take a breath. And when she opened her eyes again, she found Manon still watching her. Her head was tilted slightly, eyes hard and calculating. But there was something else there, some hidden emotion that Elide couldn’t place.

“We were drunk.” Manon’s voice was dangerously calm. “You can’t be held responsible. You were-”

“That has nothing to do with it.” Elide’s voice was sharper than she meant it to be. She didn’t even mean to cut Manon off. Everything was just - too much. “I wasn’t drunk. I wasn’t even buzzed at that point. It just-”

“So you just go around kissing random people?”

Manon hadn’t raised her voice like Elide had, but the underlying tone caused Elide to to freeze.

Manon had never snapped at her before.

Elide just sat there. She couldn’t even bring herself to blink. There was a coldness in Manon’s face. An unwelcoming and hard look glossing her eyes. But, there was also a sadness there. An unspoken pain that caused Elide’s heart to crack.

The two continued to stare at each other for a moment. Until, slowly, Manon closed her eyes, taking a deep breath through her nose.

“I can’t touch you.” She said, turning towards the water. Her voice was heavy with emotion. “I can’t touch you in public. I can’t even fucking hold your hand. And that’s not… I’m not blaming you. I  _understand_. But.” A pause, an intake of breath, before Manon turned back to Elide. “We can’t hold hands.”

 _But you can with someone like Lorcan_. Elide could hear that underlying message in her words, clear as day.  _You can with a boy. The unspoken question rattled between them. The shameful suspicion - was that why?_

Falling back against her seat, Manon looked back out at the water for a moment as Elide sat there, her head spinning and tears pooling in her eyes.

“We’ll work on it.” Manon’s words were gentle, yet laced with a quiet desperation. It was almost like she was talking to herself, convincing herself, as she turned back to Elide. “We’ll figure this out.”

But the words did little to calm Elide’s worries. The opposite really.

She never felt more confused and  _helpless_  in her life.

Manon’s words rung in her head, “ _We’ll figure this out_ ”. But as Elide gazed up at the stunning beauty sitting next to her, she felt her heart fracture more and more. Because Manon would do everything in her power to make sure Elide was happy, safe, including helping her figure everything it.

Which made this even harder. Because, like a slap in the face, as Elide looked into those golden eyes, she realized how much she liked Manon. She realized she was starting to fall in love with her.

But Elide knew, deep in the pit of her stomach, that this wasn’t something Manon could help her with. She didn’t know why, she couldn’t explain it. But she had to figure this out on her own.

She didn’t think her heart could hurt this much.

A tear started to roll down her cheek as she took in a shaky breath.

“I think…” Her voice started to break as she spoke. “I think, this is something I need to figure out. On my own.”

Manon’s eyes locked with hers. Elide could see the fight building up. She could see the pain and hurt start to shine through, no matter how hard Manon tried to hide it. Just the sight, that alone caused Elide’s heart to shatter.

Manon’s eyes were blazing. Her brows pinched as she pursed her lips together. Elide could see the wheels turning in her head as they sat in silence, watching each other. Manon opened her mouth a few times, but nothing came out. It was almost like she couldn’t find the right words to say.

Elide knew she was ready to fight for this, Manon was a fighter after all. She wouldn’t take this lying down. She helped Elide from the start and she’d continue to do it no matter what. But, Elide was always a fighter. A fighter who was use to doing a lot of things on her own. Who was good at protecting the things and people she cared about.

Something in Elide’s face must have caught Manon’s attention. She continued to stare at Elide for a long moment, her golden eyes on fire. Before she suddenly took in a sharp breath, closing her eyes all together. And it was only when Manon finally looked away that the silence was broken.

“I should get you home,” was all she said, her words tight. Elide could hear the strain in her voice as she held her chin high as if she was holding herself back from fighting.

Biting her lip, Elide turned back towards the water. She kept her eyes forward as the car backed up, turning onto the main road.

There were no more words to say. And if there were, Elide couldn’t find them. So they just sat there, driving down the road.

At some point, Manon turned up the music slightly. But Elide didn’t hear it. She didn’t hear that, or the wind blowing past them.

All she heard was silence. And the sound of her heart slowly breaking.

 ——————–

“I’m sorry. Say that again.”

Aelin rolled her eyes, picking up one of her fries and shoving it in her mouth. Uncle Weylan was really going to have her head Monday when he found out she’d had McDonald’s two days in a row, on top of drinking Friday night.

“I  _said_ ,” Aelin glared at him from where she sat on the plush living room chair, crossing her legs. “I slept at Rowan’s the night of the party.”

“And he’s still breathing?”

“Not funny.”

“Wait,” Aedion leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. “Do you mean you just crashed at his place? Or actually  _slept_  with him?”

A sigh made it’s way out of Aelin’s lips. This is not where she thought her evening would go. She stopped by Aedion’s to relax and watch a movie, to have some well needed cousin time. He was the one who brought up the party, asking where Aelin crashed that night. And now, the movie was paused and, judging by the headache she felt coming on, she wasn’t going to stay very relaxed.

“We slept in the same bed. But we didn’t actually fuck.” She answered vaguely. She’d spare her cousin the details. Though she couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her voice as she continued. “He made sure of that.”

_I’d never let that happen._

Rowan’s words rang in her head. She wasn’t even really sure why his words stung like they did. She should be glad that Rowan didn’t want to sleep with her, because she definitely didn’t want to sleep with him.

Or at least that’s what she kept trying to tell herself.

“You sound disappointed,” Aedion pointed out, eyebrow raised. “Did you  _want_  to sleep with Rowan?”

“Does it seem like I want to sleep with him?” Aelin snapped back, though the words tasted foul in her mouth.

“He’s not that bad, you know.” Aedion fell back against the couch. “I don’t know why you hate him so much.”

“Your word means nothing.” Aelin finished off her fries, throwing the empty container in the bag by her feet. “You’re obsessed with him.”

The faintest blush appeared on Aedion’s cheeks. But he didn’t acknowledge it. He simply rolled his eyes before picking up his burger.

“Be grateful it was Rowan,” he said in between bites, “imagine what it would have been like if you woke up in bed with Fenrys. Or Chaol.”

Aelin let out a humorless laugh as she fell back against the chair, crossing her arms.

“As if Chaol would jump in bed with me right now. He’d have to be  _completely_  wasted.”

Aedion gave a lazy shrug of his shoulders. “I don’t know, you two looked pretty cozy the night of the party.”

Aelin’s head snapped towards Aedion so fast she was sure she almost got whiplash. Confusion took over her features. Her heart started to race in her chest as her eyes narrowed.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Aelin asked. Her mind started to work overtime, trying to piece together Friday night. But it was still a blur. She couldn’t even remember seeing Chaol at the party.

“You and Chaol were chatting at one point the other night,” Aedion cocked his head to the side, keeping a careful eye on her. “I don’t know much really. All I saw was you two talking. You even smiled at him. And of course there was the hug. But that’s all I saw. You don’t remember?”

“I told you I don’t remember  _anything_  from the party.”

The words came out harsher than she’d meant them to. But she couldn’t help it. Her mind was racing. None of this made sense to her. Chaol could hardly look at her on a normal day. Hell, they hadn’t actually spoke in months. So why the hell would she give him a hug?

“Don’t worry,” Aedion tried to reassure her after taking in her confused expression. “Chaol probably doesn’t remember it anyways. Everyone was wasted.”

“Honestly, he would have to be.” Aelin sighed. “He hasn’t talked to me since the summer. The only way for him to have a conversation with me would be if he was completely loaded.” Aelin paused, rubbing her temple. “What were we even talking about?”

“I dunno.” Aedion leant back against the couch. “But if you really want to know, you could ask Dorian maybe? You know Chaol tells him everything.”

That was true. If Chaol remembered anything, he would definitely have told Dorian about it. Plus, there was no way Aelin could go to Chaol. It was a miracle they’d spoken when they were wasted, there was no way it was going to happen when they were sober. But Aelin also doubted Dorian would tell her. He didn’t like being in the middle between her and Chaol, so it could still be a dead end.

Nevertheless, Aelin nodded her head. “I’ll think about it.”

A silence fell over them then, both trapped in their own thoughts as exhaustion suddenly hit Aelin like a ton of bricks. It was bad enough she had to deal with her Rowan situation, but now Chaol was icing on the cake. She honestly couldn’t figure out which one was worse.

So much for a relaxing evening with her cousin.

Letting out a tired sigh, Aelin turned back toward Aedion. She found him watching her, studying her with pinched brows. The look only caused Aelin to raise her own questioning eyebrow.

Aedion remained quiet for a moment longer. And when he did speak, his words were careful, gentle.

“How have you been lately, anyway?” He asked, uncertainty in his voice. “After … everything.”

The question took Aelin off guard. She knew what he was asking. He was checking in. Which was understandable, after Chaol, after … Sam. But, he’d never asked her about these things before. It was almost like an unspoken rule between them.

A heavy weight gripped Aelin’s heart and settled on her shoulders as she swallowed.

“Fine,” she answered as casually as she could. “I’ve been fine.”

She knew Aedion didn’t really believe her, even though she was telling a half-truth. She was definitely  _better_  than she had been a few months ago. But she still wasn’t fine.

A sigh made its way out of her lips as she leaned back against the chair. “I’ve been better. But it’s getting easier.”

She could see Aedion’s mind working. He wanted to question her some more, and he was going to. So Aelin sat up straighter, leaning forward on her knees as she looked Aedion in the eyes, head tilted slightly.

“Do you know what’s going on with Lys?”

Bring up Lysandra was a low blow, she knew that. But she also knew bringing up Lys would distract Aedion, at least a little bit. And she couldn’t deal with his questions, not right then.

“What do you mean?” Aedion sat up, a worried look taking over his face.

“Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed her odd behaviour lately,” Aelin said. “Plus, she didn’t drink at the party, which is practically unheard of for her. I figured you’d know what’s up.”

Aedion shook his head. “She hasn’t said anything. Besides, we both know she’d probably go to you before me.” He paused, licking his lips as he looked out the living room window for a moment before turning back to Aelin. “Do you think it’s something serious?”

Aelin felt her a tug on her heart at the concern and love shining in Aedion’s eyes. His face was pinched in worry as he sat there, waiting for Aelin to give him an honest answer.

“I think she’d let us know if it was anything serious.” Aelin tried to ease his nerves. And her own, if she was being honest. “I’m sure she’ll tell us when she’s ready.”

Aedion gave a nod of his head, though Aelin could tell his heart wasn’t in it.

Of course she was glad that he cared so much about her best friend. But she couldn’t help but feel a bit envious. Someday, she hoped she’d find someone who cared about her as much as Aedion cared about Lysandra.

A heavy sigh left Aelin’s lips. Between Rowan, Chaol, and now being extra worried about Lysandra, Aelin felt exhausted. And one look at Aeidon told her he felt the same.

Pushing herself up, Aelin walked over to the couch, plopping herself down next to Aedion. She didn’t say anything, just picked up the remote and pressed play.

It didn’t matter that neither of them cared or were really watching. Aelin cuddled up into Aedion’s side as he draped an arm over her shoulders, like they had when they were kids who just needed some extra comfort.

They sat like that for the whole movie. Trapped in their own thoughts, but holding onto each other. Holding on and never letting go. 

——————–

Lysandra felt like her knees would buckle under her at any moment. But she kept placing one foot in front of the other as she walked up Aelin’s long driveway.

It was late Sunday night, and she knew Aelin’s parents were probably home at that point. But she didn’t care. She had to talk to Aelin that night or she would actually lose her mind.

In hindsight, it probably wasn’t the best idea for her to walk to Aelin’s. It was dark, cold, and she lived a good 25 minute walk away. But her father was working the night shift and she definitely couldn’t ask Aedion for a ride. Not now. Not for this.

With her chin held high, Lysandra walked up the front steps of Aelin’s house. Normally, she would just walk in. But tonight, she felt the need to knock. And pray that Aelin would answer the door.

With her hand shaking slightly, Lysandra’s knuckles hit the cold wood. She could heard Fleetfoot start to bark on the other side.

It seemed like someone up there was answering her prayers after all, because there was Aelin, pulling the door open. She was standing in her sweats, hair piled on top of her head. A smile started to pull on Aelin lips, but stopped as she looked closer at Lysandra.

“Lys?” She asked, her brows pinching together slightly, voice laced with concern. “What’s up?”

Lysandra swallowed. Her throat was tight and dry, but she had yet to cry. She refused to cry. Even though she had a feeling it would probably happen sooner or later.

“Can we talk?” Lysandra asked, voice cracking slightly. “Privately?”

Aelin cocked her head to the side slightly, her eyes flicking over Lysandra from head to toe. There was still a worried and concerned look on her face as she nodded. She stepped aside, giving Lysandra room to walk into the house.

Warmth hit her the moment the door was closed behind her.

Aelin called out to her parents, letting them know Lysandra was there and they’d be upstairs if they needed her.

A shaky sigh left Lysandra’s lips as she followed Aelin up the stairs. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she gripped the railing tightly, knuckles white. Her jacket pocket felt like it weighed a ton.

She didn’t get to see or talk to Aelin, or anyone at all yesterday. She stayed at Aedion’s the night of the party and left first thing in the morning to head back to her place. There, she’d locked herself in her room for the day and dealt with her… situation. She’d spent the day trying to figure everything out before she realized she couldn’t do it on her own. She needed someone there with her. And while Aedion  _should_  have been at the top of her list, Lysandra knew she had to talk to Aelin first.

“Is everything okay?” Aelin questioned once her bedroom door was closed. She stood with her arms crossed over her chest, uneasiness clouding her features.

Lysandra stood in silence, trying her best to gather her thoughts.

“Okay as it can be” she finally sighed. But that answer only caused Aelin to stare harder.

“Lysandra,” she said, voice shaking slightly, “what’s going on?”

It was then that Lysandra realized there was a weight on Aelin’s shoulders. She looked exhausted, but all the worry in her eyes was directed right at her.

Closing her eyes for a moment, Lysandra took in an uneven breath. She placed a shaky hand in her pocket, wrapping her fingers around the item that would forever change her life.

She didn’t have any words. She still had yet to figure out what to say about all this. So instead of speaking, Lysandra stepped forward, stopping just a few feet away from Aelin. She looked the blonde beauty dead in the eyes as she held out her shaking hand. Aelin stared back, not breaking their gaze as Lysandra placed the item in her waiting hand.

Aelin continued to look at Lysandra from a moment, before slowly looking down at her hand.

Aelin’s sharp gasp cut through the deafening silence.

And suddenly, it all became real.

The tears began to well up in Lysandra’s eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She kept her chin held high as Aelin slowly looked back up at her, her hand wrapped tightly around the stick in her hand, the tiny pink plus sign streak against the white of the stick.

Lysandra met Aelin’s wide questioning gaze, a shaky breath leaving her lips as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

“I’m pregnant, Aelin.”


	9. Tthe thought of losing Aedion almost broke her.

“You sure you’re okay?” 

“Fuck off asking me that. Or I’ll slam your face into the lockers.”

Dorian held his hands up, weaving in and out of the students crowding the hallway. He wanted to push the subject more, to find out how he could help her even in the slightest way. But he knew Manon. She would actually throw him against the lockers if he asked her that question one more time.

Class has just ended, so the hallways were packed with students as they caught up with friends or made their way to their lockers. Manon and Dorian had just got out of French class themselves when he offered to walk her to her locker.

Truthfully, he was worried about her. He didn’t know what it was, but that was just something about Manon that seemed  _off_. There was an underlying emotion that clouded her eyes, sometime Dorian couldn’t place. Plus, she was being… harsher than normal.

He had a feeling that something happened at the party, because something  _always_  happened at parties. But he knew Manon wasn’t going to let up anytime soon. The only way he was going to know what had happened was if she told him. And by the looks of it, that wasn’t going to happen any time soon.

They continued their walk down the hallway in silence. The sounds of the rowdy students filled the space around them. It didn’t take them long to reach Dorian’s locker, a stop they were making on the way to Manon’s.

Dorian started to turn his lock while Manon causally leaned against the lockers. Out of the corner of his eye, Dorian could see how tense she was. Her jaw was clenched, eyes ice cold as she watched the endless sea of teenagers before her.

If he valued his face, he knew he should keep his mouth shut. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t stop the nagging feeling pulling in his stomach.

“I have to say something,” He turned so he was fully facing Manon, only to find her watching him with a raised eyebrow. “And I’d like to say it without getting slapped across the face.”

Manon didn’t say anything for a moment. She simply continued to look up at him before turning back to the crowd of students, letting out a sharp sigh.

“Then say it.”

“Tell me you won’t punch me.”

“Oh  _fuck me_.” Irritation poured off of Manon in waves as she rolled her eyes. “I won’t punch your perfect little prince face. Now  _speak_.”

Any other time that response would have brought a smirk to Dorian’s face and he probably would have teased her more. But not today. Not when she was… like this.

“I just wanted to say, whatever happened to you this weekend, whatever has you so… wound up, you can talk to me about it.” Dorian looked her dead in the eyes, tone serious. “I’ll be here for you. Whenever you’re ready to talk.”

Silence fell around them. Dorian couldn’t even hear the sounds of the hallways in that moment, he blocked it all out. He just kept his gaze locked with Manon’s.

After a long moment, Manon let out a breath, her shoulders sinking. And for a second, it looked like she was truly letting the weight of everything rest on her shoulders. Truly letting

“Thank you, Dorian.”

Though her voice was clipped and held a guarded edge to it, Dorian felt his heart swell. Now he just hoped she’d take him up on that offer sometime soon.

“I mean it,” He shrugged, though he couldn’t keep the small smile from pulling on his lips. “Now, are you sure you’re okay?”

Spinning towards him, Manon nailed him right in the gut. Dorian bent over, the wind knocked out of him. But it was worth it. Even though Manon rolled her eyes at him, even though she shook her head and called him an idiot, there was a trace of a smile on her lips. And that alone made it worth it.

Taking in a shaky breathe, Dorian slowly stood up. He opened his mouth to speak, but a voice coming from behind cut him off.

“Look at this,” Aelin’s smile turned wicked as stopped next to Dorian, looking Manon up and down. “My favourite person and least favourite person, together. Lucky me.”

“Play nice, Aelin.” Dorian turned his hard gaze to the blonde next to him, but she just gave a lazy shrug of her shoulders.

“You know what, that’s fine.” Manon pushed herself off the lockers. And even though the glare she directed of Aelin was murderous, Dorian knew she  _definitely_  wasn’t herself. Because normally, she would have stayed and picked a fight. “Catch you later Dorian. I’ll leave you with your bitch.”

Aelin smiled a sickly sweet grin, giving Manon the finger.

Dorian nodded a goodbye to Manon, watching her with a slightly worried look as she started down the hallway, not looking back.

Aelin now stood in front of Dorian, leaning against the lockers. Her eyes were trailing after Manon as she disappeared into the crowd. “I’m sorry, but I will never understand how you are friends with her.”

“Can I help you with anything, Aelin?” Dorian hoisted his bag higher on his shoulder and crossed his arms.

He wasn’t in the mood to have a conversation about Manon with Aelin. Again.

“Yes actually -” she paused, almost as if she was trying to form the right words. “Have you talked to Chaol at all this weekend?”

Dorian couldn’t hide the shock that took form on his face. Out of all the things he thought Aelin would ask him, that was not one of them.

She never came to Dorian about Chaol, and Chaol hardly ever talked to him about Aelin. It was like an unspoken rule. Aelin knew Chaol was his best friend, and Chaol knew Aelin was one of his oldest friends. It was a blurred line that no one really crossed. Until now, it seemed.

Dorian took a moment to study Aelin. She was acting casual, leaning against the locker with one hand on her hip. But he was one of the few people who could usually see through her mask. And he could see the hesitation in her eyes, something that Aelin wasn’t really familiar with.

“Yes,” he finally answered. “Why?”

“About the party?” Aelin asked, instead of answering his question.

So she was digging. Seeing how much he knew before she said anything at all. She didn’t want to tell Dorian something he didn’t already know. Interesting.

“Not really,” Dorian said truthfully, giving his shoulders a shrug. “I didn’t talk to him at all Saturday and Sunday he was out of town for his mom’s birthday. Aelin, whats up?”

He watched as she took a deep breath in through her nose and she closed her eyes. Almost like she was trying to decide if she should talk to Dorian about this or not. A full minute passed by before she opened her eyes again, letting out a loose breathe.

“Aedion told me that, apparently, Chaol and I talked Friday night,” she explained. “And I can’t remember any of it.”

“Not surprising. You were wasted.”

“I was able to figure that much out myself, thank you.”

A light chuckled left Dorian’s lips. But it faded as he watched Aelin bite her bottom lip, a worried expression on her face.

“Why do you seem so worried about this?” Dorian asked, head tilted to the side slightly. “So you and Chaol talked. What’s the big deal?”

Irritation took over Aelin’s face as she rolled her eyes. “I don’t know. Maybe the fact I talked to my ex-boyfriend for the first time since we broke up. And I was wasted out of my mind when it happened. And I can’t remember a thing I said to him. And-” 

“Okay. I get it.” Dorian stepped in, cutting her off. “But why come to me about this.”

“I figured Chaol would have told you about it.” Aelin shrugged. “Then you could have told me.”

“Or here’s an idea -” Dorian turned back to his locker, taking out the books he’d need for next period.  “Talk to Chaol.”

“Yeah,” Aelin cackled. “That’ll work. Chaol can’t even look at me, let alone talk to me.”

“You’d be surprised.” Dorian closed his locker, turning back to Aelin as the warning bell rang. “He doesn’t  _hate_  you, Aelin. I’m sure he’ll listen if you ask to talk.”

Dorian could basically see the wheels turning in her head as she bit down on her lip. A silence stretched over them. But after a moment, a sigh left Aelin’s lips.

“I’ll  _try_.”

“That’s better than nothing,” he sighed. “But I’d try hard if I were you. Talking to Chaol is the only way you’ll find out what happened between you two at the party.”

“Thanks for the reminder.” Sarcasm laced Aelin’s every word, causing Dorian to laugh.

“Come on.” Dorian stepped away from the locker. “I’ll walk you to class.”

A smirk pulled at the corner of Aelin’s lip. “Always a prince.”

“That nickname’s going to haunt me forever, isn’t it?”

“Oh yeah.”

 ——————–

To say lunch started off tense would be an understatement. Which seemed a bit odd. Because for the most part, no one really talked.

Lysandra took a slow sip of her water, glancing around the table.

Everyone seemed lost in their our little world. They seemed millions of miles away. Aelin looked as if she had a weight pushing down on her, her eyes never leaving her food, while Nehemia kept casting her questioning glances. Elide normally sat with them too, but apparently she was out sick today. At least, that’s what she’d told Aelin.

So yeah, no talking happening today.

Looking back down at the table, Lysandra continued to pick at her salad. She knew she should try and eat it, but she couldn’t keep anything down lately. Everything she ate just kept coming back up. Besides pizza. But people would start to get suspicious if Lysandra ate pizza every day, especially with her skating diet, and the annual showcase coming up. So no pizza, no matter how badly the baby wanted it.

 _Baby_.

The word felt so foreign to Lysandra. And every time she thought of it, her heart would start to race, her stomach twisting and turning into knots. She couldn’t help the fear that overtook her when she thought of the life growing inside her. Or when it hit her, like a slap in the face, that she was only seventeen and pregnant. Seventeen, pregnant, and with no clue what she was doing.

But despite all that, she refused to call the baby  _it_. The baby was  _baby_.

She had yet to tell anyone but Aelin. Mainly because the next person on her list, was the boy sitting next to her. She just didn’t know how to tell him. She didn’t know how he would react. “ _What would you do if I suddenly became pregnant?_ ” wasn’t exactly something you asked about on your first date. They were only kids after all. Any thoughts about babies were far out of their minds.

Or at least, they were supposed to be.

Either way, she knew she had to tell him soon. Because Aedion wasn’t stupid. She knew he’d noticed something was up. Aelin told her that much. But Lysandra would have been able to guess it anyways, from the worried glances Aedion kept sending her way when he thought she wasn’t looking.

 _Soon_. She promised herself.  _I’ll tell him soon_.

It was so quiet at their table, the sound of Aedion clearing his throat almost caused Lysandra to jump.

“You talk to Dorian?” He asked, his question directed at Aelin.

Looking up from her food, Aelin let out a sigh before nodding her head as she leant back in her chair.

“I did, but it was a dead end. He didn’t know anything.”

“Why did you need to talk to Dorian?” Lysandra questioned, her gaze moving between the two cousins.

“Apparently Chaol and I talked Friday night at the party. But I can’t remember any of it.” Aelin picked up her water, taking a sip before continuing. “So I asked Dorian, but he didn’t know anything either.”

“So what now?” Aedion asked in between bites of his burger.

Another sigh left Aelin’s lips as she rubbed a tired hand over her face and through her hair. “Dorian said I should just talk to Chaol about it. Apparently he doesn’t hate me as much as he lets on.”

“And are you?” Nehemia asked, raising an eyebrow. “Going to talk to Chaol.”

Aelin just gave a lazy shrug of her shoulders, going back to her food without another word. Lysandra had a feeling she’d already had her mind made up on the subject.

Silence draped over the table once more, the conversations ending as everyone went back to their own thoughts.

But Lysandra was sick of her own head at the moment. Her mind was reeling. In fact, it was always reeling lately. There was so much she had to figure out, but she didn’t even want to think about it until she’d talked to Aedion.

Letting out a sigh, Lysandra stabbed her salad, filling up the fork. She shoved the food into her mouth, savoring the taste. But her stomach rolled the moment she swallowed. She dropped her fork, hand flying to her stomach as she bit back a groan.

Everyone’s attention shot towards her. Aelin wore a worried look while Nehemia raised a questioning eyebrow. And Aedion… Lysandra felt her heart squeeze at the love and concern that shined in his eyes.

“You okay?” He asked, voice soft and gentle.

She meant to smile and answer right away, to brush it off. But a thought suddenly ran through her head, so fast it scared her.

_I hope the baby has Ashryver eyes._

Images of Aedion running around with a beautiful, healthy, baby boy suddenly filled her mind. Father and son playing catch. Aedion teaching their boy how to skate. The pride that would shine on his face when he got his first goal.

But what scared her even more than these images, was that she wanted all of that.

She just didn’t know if Aedion did. Which was fine, she didn’t need a man to help her raise her baby. If Aedion didn’t want this, she wouldn’t force it on him. She already had her mind made up and she was having this baby no matter what.

She just really, really hoped he wanted this. Because the thought of losing Aedion almost broke her.

A strained smile took form on Lysandra lips as she nodded at Aedion.

“Yeah,” her voice was soft, just above a whisper. “Everything’s fine.”

 ——————–

Aelin took a deep breath in through her nose, leaning against Dorian’s car.

She stood in the stadium parking lot, jacket pulled tightly around her. The boys had finished practice a few moments ago, and she knew they’d be leaving the locker room any minute now. And she also knew Chaol was catching a ride with Dorian.

It worked out really. The girls had skating practice right before the boys had hockey. And because Nehemia had work, Aelin decided to wait around for the extra hour to get a ride with Aedion.

And so she’d get her chance at talking to Chaol about the party.

She knew it was going to be hard, cornering Chaol. He’d hardly look at her if they were in the same room. So she hoped catching him next to Dorian’s car, would force him to stop and listen to her.

The doors to the stadium were suddenly pushed opened. Aelin could hear the laughter and rowdy noise just moments before the guys actually stepped out into the parking lot.

Some of them gave her a wave or nod as they walked up. Others, only Lorcan really, just sent her a dirty look. Then Rowan walked by, and Aelin felt her heart stop.

Somehow, they managed to avoid each other these past few days. The last time Aelin actually saw Rowan this close was in this stadium, when she felt the overwhelming need to crash her lips to his and push him into the nearest locker room so she could have her way with him.

Just the memory had her insides twisting and turning as their eyes locked.

She expected to see the normal look of coldness in his eyes. The same look he wore every time he saw her. But it wasn’t there.

He stood there, just a few feet away from her. Aelin was taken back to see a softness to his eyes. They were still hard, but there was an understanding in them. And after a few short seconds, he even gave her the smallest lopsided smile.

The sight tugged at Aelin’s heart. She couldn’t really call it a smile, more of a twitch of his lips. But that tiniest action caused her stomach to flip.

Rowan looked like he was about to speak, about to walk over to her, when Dorian and Chaol walked out of the stadium.

“Hey,” Dorian called, sending her a smile as he walked over to her. Chaol, in the meantime, froze for a moment, eyes locked on Aelin. And when he did follow after Dorian, he kept a few steps behind.

Aelin’s eyes flicked back to Rowan for a moment, but he was already walking away. Her heart gave a painful tug again. What scared her was that she wanted to call out after him.

But this wasn’t about Rowan. This was about Chaol.

Turning towards Dorian, Aelin tried the keep the smile on her face from seeming too forced.

“Hey,” she said. Her eyes flicked over Dorian’s shoulder so she was now looking at Chaol. “Can… Are we able to talk for a sec?”

Aelin saw his body tense, eyes growing cold. She knew he was going to turn her down. And he probably would have, if Dorian hadn’t clapped him on the shoulder.

“I’m going to talk to Aedion for a minute,” Dorian said, opening his driver’s side door and throwing his hockey bag inside before closing it again. “I’ll leave you two alone.”

As Dorian walked by, he sent Aelin a look, clearly telling her he remembered their talk from early. And he wanted them to at least  _try_  and work everything out.

Neither of them spoke as Dorian marched off across the parking, over to where Aedion was waiting for him. And the silence just continued to stretch on even once Dorian was far away. They just stood there. Chaol, looking anywhere but her, while Aelin couldn’t help but stare at him. And she suddenly felt a knot in her stomach.

The relationship between them, it was rocky at best. Chaol was her first real boyfriend. More importantly, her first boyfriend since she lost Sam. He wasn’t a bad boyfriend, far from it actually, and Aelin knew he loved her. But, he only loved parts of her. The parts she showed the world, the parts that weren’t hurting. The parts she  _wanted_  him to love. And somewhere along the way, that became not enough for her.

So they broke up, and Aelin spent the whole summer traveling with her parents. She spent the summer trying to heal and learn who she was.

While the break up was what she wanted, Aelin knew Chaol was hurt. Hell,  _she_  was hurt. A part of her really did love Chaol. But, as she stood there then, watching him, she knew what she did was right. Even if Chaol hated her for it at the moment.

“That’s unsettling, just so you know.” The sound of Chaol’s voice almost made Aelin jump. She looked at Chaol, only to find Chaol looking at her with a raised eyebrow. “Having you watch me like that.”

“You used to like me watching you at one point.” Aelin kept her voice light, hoping the little joke would warm the space around them. But it seemed to do the opposite.

“Yeah.” Chaol’s gaze turned away from her as he leaned against the car, shoulders tense. “I liked a lot of things at one point.”

Aelin went rigid. She knew Chaol was hurting and still bitter towards her because of the summer and everything else, but it still stung.

Then again, maybe she deserved it. He did say he loved her, and her response was “I’m sorry”.

With a sigh, Chaol looked up at the faded blue sky before turning to look at her. His bronze eyes were glowing as they blazed into hers.

“What do you want, Aelin?”

He sounded exhausted as he spoke. Almost as if talking to her was taking up all his energy.

Standing up a bit straighter, Aelin took a moment to think about what to say.

“What do you remember from the party Friday?” That seemed to be the safest thing to ask at the moment. She’d listen to Nehemia and find out what Chaol knew before going any farther.

Chaol raised an eyebrow as silence fell around them. He dropped his hockey bag off his shoulder, letting it fall to the ground, before crossing his arms.

“I remember you were wasted,” Chaol finally said. “Which is probably why you’re here, trying to figure out why we were talking that night. If you even remember that bit.”

Aelin blinked in surprise, slightly taken back. She expected Chaol to say he hardly remembered much. She expected him to say he was completely wasted Friday night. Why else would he willingly talk to her when he could hardly look at her right now?

“Aedion,” Aelin said as if it was the answer. She paused for a moment before clarifying. “He was the one who told me that we were talking that night.”

“So you don’t remember anything?”

Aelin shook her head before sighing. She took a moment, rubbing a hand over her face and through her hair before looking Chaol dead in the eyes.

“Look. I know you’re not that…  _fond_  of me at the moment.” Aelin pulled her jacket closer around her, propping a hip against Dorian’s car. “And I honestly don’t remember most of the party. So I just need to know. If you were sober enough to remember it, why the hell did you even bother to talk to me?”

It was now Chaol’s turn to look surprised. He watched her for a few moments, eyes narrowed, before a smile slowly started to form.

Aelin thought she was seeing things at first. She honestly couldn’t remember the last time Chaol smiled at her. And yet, a full blown grin was now taking form on his face as his laughter filled the space around them.

“I honestly didn’t see what’s so funny about this.”

“You’re very persistent, you know.” Chaol shook his head, the smile still on his face. “And even more so when you’re drunk.”

Aelin waited for him to continue, but Chaol didn’t speak right away. Instead, he looked over at her for a moment. Studying her. The smile slowly fell, but didn’t completely leave his lips.

“You came up to me late that night,” he explained. “You were… drunk. And you started babbling about how sorry you were for everything and how you didn’t mean to ruin our friendship.” The corners of Chaol’s lips started to turn up again. “Honestly, I tried to back away, to walk in the other direction. But, you weren’t having it. You grabbed my name and…”

He trailed off, but Aelin didn’t dare to speak. She just continued to watch Chaol as he paused. He glanced down for a moment before looking up at her again. The smile completely gone now.

“You told me that you loved me, and you knew I loved you. But it wasn’t enough.” Chaol’s voice was softer, quieter, as he spoke. “And you said you were sorry about that. You said you were so so sorry. And then, you thanked me.”

Aelin kept the surprise off her face as she locked her gaze with Chaol’s.

“You thanked me for helping you heal. For showing you love again. For making you  _feel_  again.”

Chaol paused for a moment. Their gazes stayed locked as Aelin felt the air around them shift. Everything suddenly felt more open, rawer. It suddenly occurred to Aelin that this was actually the first time they ever talked about their feelings and how they felt after they broke up.

It occurred to her that they were getting their closure.

Chaol sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before he shrugged. “And then you smiled at me. Actually smiled. It was that goofy, lopsided one, so I knew it was a real one,” He glanced up at the sky as he continued. “And then you hugged me and just, walked away.”

Silence fell over them as Aelin simply stood there. She didn’t know what to say. She got the answers she needed, this was supposed to be the part where she walked away. But she knew more had to be said. And she honestly didn’t know when she would get a chance to talk to Chaol like this again.

Taking in a deep breath, she spoke up.

“I meant it.”

Those bronze eyes snapped back towards her, burning into her.

“I know I was drunk and have no memory of saying any of that. But I meant every word.” Aelin said. “I am so sorry for how things ended between us, Chaol. But I am forever grateful for everything you did for me. Because you… you helped me in ways you don’t even know.” Aelin stopped. She glanced over at Aedion, giving him a wave to let him know she was ready to leave. Then she looked back at Chaol. “And thank you. For telling me all this.”

Aelin sent Chaol a small smile before she pushed herself off the car and started to walk away. But she didn’t even take two steps before Chaol spoke up from behind her.

“Aelin.”

At her name, she stopped, slowly turning around to look at Chaol.

“At the party you… you said you wished we could be friends again,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck before looking her in the eyes. “I’d like that. To be friends again.”

A smile spread across Aelin’s face as she nodded. “Yeah. Me too.”

Chaol nodded back, returning her smile before he pushed himself off the car and opened the back door, tossing his hockey bag in.

Aelin felt lighter as she walked back towards Aedion’s car. She felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, but her heart also felt better, less damaged.

Dorian walked passed her on his way to his car. He sent her a wink and a smile, which caused Aelin to simply roll her eyes. But there was no denying the smile on her lips.

She was almost to Aedion when she felt like she was being watched.

Turning, Aelin found Lorcan, Fenrys and Rowan chatting next to Lorcan’s truck. Well, the first two were chatting. The latter had his pine-green eyes trained on her, watching her every move.

When he realized he’d been caught, his lips twitched up in a smile once again.

The sight caused her heart to swell. And maybe it was because of the weight that no longer rested on her shoulders, or maybe it was something more. Either way, Aelin felt the coldness leave her own expression.

Maybe, just maybe, Rowan wasn’t as bad as she initially thought.


	10. “His name was Sam, and he was a skater too.”

_“Stop.” Aelin’s hand shot out, landing on Lysandra bobbing knee. “It’s going to be fine. It’s just an ultrasound.”_

_Lysandra let loose a shaky breath, her knee bouncing again the moment Aelin removed her hand._

_“I know,” She said, glancing nervously around the room. “But, this feels more real now, you know? Before, the only proof I had was some stick I peed on. Once a professional confirms it…”_

_“Everything is going to be fine.” Aelin took Lysandra’s hand, giving it a light squeeze as a smile pulled on her lips. “I’m here for you, no matter what.”_

_Lysandra could only offer Aelin a small smile in return. She hated to admit it, but she was slowly letting her nerves get the best of her. She liked to think of herself as a pretty strong person, but sitting in this waiting room, she couldn’t help the fear and jitteriness that overcame her._

_It didn’t take long for a nurse to walk out and call her name. With Aelin holding her hand, the two followed the nurse down the hall and into a room._

_Honestly, Lysandra was so lost in her nervousness at that point, everything became a blur. And before she knew it, she was lying on the examination table, Aelin standing next to her. She tried to calm her racing heart as the doctor squirted the cold jelly on her stomach, moving the ultrasound to get a clear picture of the baby._

_“Here we go,” the doctor smiled, using a finger to point out the baby on the screen. There wasn’t really much to see at this point, but what she could see caused Lysandra’s heart to skip a beat._

_That was her baby._

_“And this,” the doctor spoke again before Lysandra could form another thought, clicking a few buttons on the motor before the sound of a beating heart filled the room, “is your baby’s heartbeat.”_

_The sound… Lysandra was sure it was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard. That sound was coming from the precious little thing growing inside of her._

_Everything suddenly felt overwhelming. Tears started to pool in her eyes as she gave Aelin’s hand a tight squeeze. But Aelin didn’t mind, simply smiling down at Lysandra, returning the squeeze._

_Once the ultrasound was done and the doctor talked to Lysandra about her due date - May 5th - and other important things, she printed out a sheet of paper._

_“For you,” She smiled._

_Taking the paper, Lysandra looked down at it, only to find it was a picture. The first ever picture of her baby. And maybe it was the hormones, but a new set of tears started to fill her eyes._

_This baby was real. And this baby was hers._

Lysandra carefully ran her hand over the picture from her ultrasound a week ago.

It was still remarkable to her. That the little thing inside of her, something that was only about the size of a lime, was real and had an actual heartbeat. That with every day, the life inside of her grew. That soon, her baby would have fingers and toes and a nose before finally being in her arms.

She just couldn’t wrap her mind around it.

A loving sigh left her lips as she sat on the edge of her bed, running a finger over the baby’s head.

There were a million things she was feeling. Terror. Nervousness. Fear. But most importantly, she felt love. Love for this little human being she was creating. And that trumped all the negatives.

She’d teach this baby what it felt like to be loved, especially by its mother. She wouldn’t leave this baby wondering what that was like. Like her mother did to her.

But the big thing that still weighed down on her mind, was how she was going to tell Aedion. She knew it wasn’t going to be easy, far from it. She didn’t know how he would react in a situation like this. But she had to tell him soon. She couldn’t keep this from him forever. She just had to find the right words to say…

“What are you looking at?”

Lysandra nearly jumped out of her skin as she shot up from the bed. She quickly hid the picture behind her back, turning with wide eyes to her bedroom door, only to find Aedion standing there.

Normally, she’d be completely fine with this. But given the fact she was holding a picture of  _his_  baby right now, she was petrified.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, trying to keep her voice as casual as possible.

“I knew your father was working tonight so I thought you’d like the company,” Aedion said. His head was tilted to the side slightly. He looked her up and down for a moment before stopping on her face. “I did knock first. But the door was open, so I let myself in.”

“I didn’t hear you.”

“Clearly,” Aedion’s lips pulled up in the corner as he walked towards her. “Now. What has your complete and undying attention? Seeing as it clearly wasn’t me.”

He was joking with her, she knew that. But she still took a step back when he tried to reach behind her for the picture.

She wasn’t ready to tell him. And she didn’t want him to find out like this.

“It’s nothing. Really.” She tried to keep her smile from looking too forced, but she didn’t know if she succeeded or not.

“Then you won’t mind me having a look.”

Aedion made another reach for the picture, but Lysandra jerked out of the way.

“Really Aedion. It’s nothing.” There was a hard edge to her tone. An edge that caused Aedion to stop. He watched her for a moment, studying her before he placed his hands up in front of him.

“Okay.”

It took everything in her not to let out a breath of relief. With her own nod, Lysandra relaxed slightly. She started to turn around, to hide the picture in her nightstand, when it suddenly wasn’t in her hand anymore.

With wide, terrified eyes, Lysandra spun towards Aedion. She felt like her heart was about to jump out of her chest, stomach dropping as she took in the triumphant look shining in his eyes.

She wanted to say something, anything, to get him to stop and give back the picture. But she couldn’t. She was frozen in place. Her heart completely stopped as Aedion held up the picture before looking down at it.

It took him a moment to realize what he was looking at. But when he did, all the colour drained from his face.

The silence that draped over them was deafening. Neither of them dared to move, to breathe. Lysandra could only hear her racing heartbeat in her ears as she stared at Aedion, unable to look away.

She knew she should say something,  _anything_. But she couldn’t find the right words. Her mouth was as dry as sandpaper, tongue heavy like lead. There was nothing she could say to Aedion that would make this situation even remotely easier.

“Lys.”

Aedion’s voice was low as he continued to look at the sonogram in his hands. His face was deathly pale and as he slowly and finally looked up at her, Lysandra could see the confusion and alarm shining through his eyes.

Just that look caused her heart to slowly start to break.

“Lysandra,” Aedion’s voice cracked slightly. His eyes locked with hers as he gripped the sonogram tighter, hands shaking. “What… why do you… what…”

Lysandra bit down on her lip. She knew what he was asking, but words were failing him just as much as her it seemed.

This wasn’t right. This wasn’t how she wanted him to find out. She didn’t even know what she was going to say to him yet. She wanted time to sit down and figure it out, to plan her words before hand.

Then again, none of this was exactly  _planned_.

“It’s a sonogram.” Aedion’s tone was quiet, almost gently as he spoke. But he couldn’t hide the millions of emotions that also shook his voice.

Releasing a shaky breath, Lysandra glanced at the picture in Aedion’s white knuckled fingers before looking him in the eyes.

“It’s… your sonogram.” She hated the why her voice shook with each word.

Aedion didn’t reply. Lysandra could basically see the wheels turning in his head as he looked from her to the picture.

“Mine.” With every word he spoke, Lysandra found it harder and harder to figure out how he was truly feeling.

“Ours.” She corrected him, voice gentle and soft.

He took in a shape breath, those blue-gold eyes locking with hers as he finally looked up again.

“Ours….” He struggled with the word as if saying it out loud made all this that much more real for him. Then he paused, closing his eyes as he took an unsteady breath, before meeting her gaze once more. “How long have you known?”

“A few weeks.”

“A few weeks?” Anger mixed with disbelief crept into Aedion’s voice as he spoke, his eyes burning into hers.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you.” Lysandra kept her voice as steady as possible before taking in a breath to calm her heartbeat. “I’m… I’m three months along.”

“Three months,” Aedion repeated, looking back down at the sonogram. The look in his eyes, the way his hand started to shake again, it opened the float gates in Lysandra.

“I only got the picture yesterday. Aelin came with me. I know I should have told you first but I-” she stopped, taking in the shock on Aedion’s face for a moment before continuing. “You don’t have to say anything. Not now. I don’t… Don’t say anything. I don’t expect you to. Just… you can think everything over.” She paused, taking the smallest step forward. “But, I’ve already made up my mind. And I want you to know, that no matter what you decide, I will still love you. I love you  _so much_. But, I’m also still doing this. I’m still going to have this baby.”

The word  _baby_  did something to Aedion. Lysandra could see something snap as he looked at her, eyes laced with emotion.

She waited for him to say something. Many times it looked like he actually would, but he didn’t. Not for a long moment.

“I-” he finally said. His voice was hard and guarded, anger and confusion bubbling just under the surface as he took a step back. “I need time. To think this all over. It’s…”

Lysandra gave the smallest nod, her own heart shattering more and more each second. She drew in a breath, as Aedion glanced back down at the picture. But this time, it was like he was truly seeing it for the first time.

Without meeting her gaze, Aedion handed the sonogram back to her. Lysandra barely had her hand on it when he took a step back.

Lysandra felt her heart shattered.

She could feel the tears pooling in her eyes as she took a step forward. She wanted to call out to Aedion, to reach out to him. But she couldn’t bring herself to do either of these things.

So she just stood there, sonogram tightly in her hand, as Aedion turned and walked out of her room. Without even looking back at her.

——————–

Rowan felt his blood roaring in his ears as his heart thumped in his chest. His breathing was heavy but steady, as he pushed on.

His legs were burning at this point, but he was so far gone that he couldn’t feel it. It almost felt like he was flying. Honestly, he wasn’t even sure how long he’d been running or where he was headed. He just knew that he had to get out of the house.

His parents were gone for the weekend, having some much needed relaxing time after these busy past few months. So he was home alone. Which also meant there wasn’t much to do to distract him from his own thoughts.

It was late in the evening, the sky was dark. The moon and street lights were his only source of light as he turned the corner and kept running.

Normally, running cleared his head. The wind blowing past his face, the adrenaline pumping in his blood as he pushed himself harder and harder. It usually took his mind off of all of his troubles. But tonight, even running didn’t seem to be helping.

To be fair, his mind had been reeling all week. Ever since the party. Ever since he woke up with Aelin in his bed.

To this day, that beautiful image of her in his t-shirt still clouded his thoughts. And it scared the hell out of him.

He’d been keeping his distance from her lately. Every time he saw her, he just thought of the deep sorrow that clouded her eyes that day they talked in the stadium. And it reminded him so much of himself it was painful.

He finally decided to talk to her a few days ago. He realized, maybe, he wasn’t being fair to her. He’d judged her before he actually got the chance to know her. And if that look in her eyes was any indication of what the  _real_  Aelin was like, he had seriously misread her.

He almost approached her, when he spotted her in the parking lot after hockey practice. Until Dorian and Chaol stepped in, and he lost the chance.

But that look she gave him after she finished her talk with Chaol - it caused his heart to skip a beat. There was little to no coldness on her face. The gold in her eyes looked brighter. He even swore he saw her lips twitch in the corner. And in that moment, he suddenly realized he’d give anything to see her smile a real smile.

That night when he got home, he spotted the picture of Lyria and him on his dresser. And guilt started to eat away at him.

He felt guilty for slowly letting Aelin into his thoughts. For feeling his heart skip whenever he looked at her from across the room. For wanting to kiss her senseless. He didn’t want to feel those things for Aelin because he didn’t want it to seem like he was forgetting Lyria.

_“Find happiness again, Rowan. Don’t let it pass you by.”_

Lyria’s last words to him ran through his head. He knew she wouldn’t want him to feel this way. She wouldn’t want him to use her as a reason for to not be happy again. But Rowan couldn’t help it. He wasn’t ready to completely let Lyria go.

With a sigh, Rowan quickly looked around at his surroundings. All the turns he took caused him to loop back around, heading back towards home. He seemed to be running through a park, about 15 minutes away from his house.

He took in the different coloured trees, some of which were already losing their leaves. There was a little playground on the left and a frozen over pond surrounding mostly by trees on the right. It was a miracle it was already frozen over, but they were having and unnaturally cold fall.

The playground was completely empty. Not that that was surprising, it was late and dark. What was surprising, was the sound of blades on ice coming from the pond.

Slowing down to a stop, Rowan turned towards the pond. Through the trees, he could see a figure gliding across the ice, twirling, jumping, and moving with a grace Rowan had never seen before.

Curious, Rowan started to walk towards the pond. He took the time to calm his breathing as he moved, keeping his footsteps as quiet as possible.

When he finally got close enough, standing just at the edge of the tree line, Rowan felt his heart leap.

She was dressed in all black, from her leggings to the gloves on her hands. Her blonde ponytail glowed in the moonlight and the one streetlight lighting up the pond.

Rowan felt breathless as he watched her. The way she glided across the icy surface was enchanting. He took in every twirl, dip, jump, spin -  _everything_  she did. There was a fierceness about her, a fire to her skating, it dragged him in. The way her arms floated in the air, the way she knew when to jump and when to spin, it was  _beautiful_.

It was so quiet, the only thing Rowan could hear was the blood pumping in his ears and her blades creating elegant artwork on the ice.

This was the first time Rowan was seeing Aelin skate, and he realized he’d never seen anything more exquisite before in his life.

He didn’t know how much time was passing by. All he knew was that he couldn’t take his eyes off of her as she spun around, arms above her head, back slightly arched.

At some point though, Aelin must have felt him watching her. Because as the spin slowed, she came to a stop altogether. She turned around, eyes clashing with his right away.

There was a short moment where neither of them moved. Aelin just stood before him, chest heaving, before she started to skate towards the edge of the pond.

“What are you doing here so late?”

Rowan was surprised to hear no coldness in her tone. No words laced with hate, like there normally was when she spoke to him.

“I was out for a run. To clear my head,” He explained, stepping away from the tree line. “What about you?”

“Same.” She didn’t so much as look up at him as she sat down on the bench at the very edge of the pond. “Skating clears my head.”

Rowan didn’t reply to this. He simply took another few steps forward, standing just a few feet from where she sat. He watched her as she started unlacing her skates. And it was then her noticed how exhausted she looked. The last time he saw her, after her talk what Chaol, she seemed lighter in a way. Now, it looked like that weight was back on her shoulders.

“Are you okay?”

Aelin’s looked up at him for a moment, her eyes narrowed slightly, head tilted to the side. It was almost as if she was trying to decide why he’d asked her that. Why he cared.

If he was being honest, Rowan was wondering the same thing too.

Letting out a tired sigh, Aelin turned back to her skates. She pulled one off, cleaning the blades before placing it in her skating bag.

“I just… have a lot of my mind,” she said at last, pulling on her sneaker before starting on her other skate. “Uncle Weylan has me working on a triple-triple jump for Sectionals in a few weeks and I… I haven’t landed it yet. Plus we have the showcase coming up. And Lys-” Aelin paused, catching herself. She was quiet for a moment, before a laugh made it’s way out of her lips as she shook her head. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. It’s not like you actually care.”

Her words stung more than Rowan wanted to admit.

“I’m not heartless, Aelin,” he said after a beat of silence, his tone soft, no edge to it.

He watched as her fingers paused on the laces of her skate. Slowly, she lifted her gaze to his. She simply stared at him for a moment, as if deciding if he was telling the truth of not. Then a light sigh left her lips, and she went back to her skate.

He watched as she took the time to unlace her skate and clean the blade. She didn’t look up at him once, and Rowan couldn’t help but feel his guilt start to creep in.

He had the feeling she had more things going on than she’d like to admit. More than just trying to land a jump and the skating showcase coming up. And whatever those things were, they were clearly having a big effect on her.

Seeing her sitting there, shoulders hunched, Rowan couldn’t help but feel guilty and ashamed.

The last time he’d talked to Aelin, he told her she made it easy to hate her. But maybe the reason he hated her so easily was that he saw himself in her. His hurting, beaten up self.

She didn’t deserve it, what he’d said, Rowan realized it as he watched her pull on her other sneaker and stand up. She didn’t deserve his hate.

“Come back to my place.”

The words came out of his month so suddenly, it was hard not to keep the shock off his own face. And it was only when Aelin froze, hand gripping the strap of her skating bag as she slowly looked at him with wide eyes, that he realized how that must have sound.

“I don’t live that far from here,” he quickly explained, trying to show that he wasn’t hitting on her. “Plus, I have hot chocolate. And you look cold.”

That was the most he could offer her right then, as a way to make up for what he said to her.

Honestly, he didn’t expect her to say anything. He waited for her to simply walk away, maybe laugh in his face. So after a long moment, when Aelin finally nodded her head, swinging her bag over her shoulder, Rowan couldn’t keep the surprise from shining in his eyes.

“Okay.”

——————–

Aelin wasn’t really sure why she’d agreed to go back to Rowan’s place.

Maybe it was the look in Rowan’s eyes when he asked her. It was almost as if he was begging her, apologizing. Like he wanted to repay her in some way for something. But there was also grief - grief that Aelin often saw in her own eyes from time to time.

Or maybe because she was a sucker for hot chocolate on cold nights.

Either way, Aelin now found herself sitting in Rowan’s house, at the breakfast bar. Rowan worked around the kitchen, preparing their hot chocolate in silence while Aelin just watched him.

Now that there wasn’t a raging party - and she wasn’t wasted - Aelin could see how homey the Whitethorn house actually was. It looked nothing like Rowan’s room, which was basically bare. There were mismatched blankets on the couches in the living room. A glass left on the coffee table. Leftovers on the stove. Pictures were hung all over the walls - mostly of Rowan throughout the years. Rowan with his mom and dad, by himself, his school pictures, his hockey pictures. It was a nice home. Cozy.

“How did you get into hockey?”

Her question must have taken Rowan off guard. He froze in the middle of pouring the hot chocolate mixture into the mugs. Honestly, the question took her off guard slightly too. But she had to say something, she couldn’t stand the silence much longer.

Rowan glanced over at her before turning back to the mugs.

“My dad was a hockey player,” he explained, pouring hot milk in with the mixture. “He played when he was a kid and all the way through college. The moment I learned to walk, he put me in a pair of skates. I’ve played ever since.” 

There was a pause as Rowan placed a spoon in each mug before picking them up.

“What about you?” He placed the hot chocolate in front of her as she nodded her thanks. “How’d you start skating?”

“My Uncle Orlon.” Aelin stirred her drink before slowly lifting her gaze to Rowan’s. “My mom and dad never skated, but Uncle Orlon did. Or does I should say. He became a World Champion before he decided to retire and settle down with my Uncle Weylan, who’s also a skater.” She paused to take a sip of her drink. “When I was 3, thanks to my uncles, my parents decided to put me in a program that helps kids learn to skate. Fast forward fourteen years and now Uncle Orlon and Uncle Weylan are my coaches.”

Rowan nodded, taking a sip of his own drink from where he stood on the other side of the breakfast bar, across from Aelin.

“And you like it.”

“I love it.” Despite her mood and how  _tired_  she felt, Aelin couldn’t help but smile the tiniest bit. Because she really did love skating. “And you like hockey?”

“Love it.”

The smallest bit of joy and happiness started to shine through Rowan’s eyes, causing Aelin’s heart to swell.

Breaking eye connect, Aelin turned back to her drink as her heart started to beat against her ribcage. She picked up the steaming cup, bringing it to her lips. She savored the hot liquid as it ran down her throat, silence falling around them.

“Did -” Aelin tugged a loose piece of hair behind her ear as she glanced back up at Rowan. “Did Aedion give you back your shirt?”

Rowan blinked at her question before he slowly nodded his head, bringing his own cup to his lips.

“He did.”

“Good.”

The air around them became thick and heavy, awkward. There was so much uneasy ground between them that Aelin didn’t even know where to start. Hell, she didn’t even know where they stood at the moment. It appeared they were in a grey area - not friends, but not enemies.

Taking another sip of her drink, Aelin dared to sneak a peek at Rowan through her eyelashes, only to find him looking down at the counter with slightly pinched eyebrows. It was almost as if he was debating something - having an inner battle with himself.

“Aelin, can I ask you a question?”

The way he spoke her name, soft and gentle, caused Aelin to lift her gaze. She found Rowan’s curious eyes burning into her.

Despite herself, Aelin slowly nodded her head.

“The night of the party, I saw…” He trailed off, backtracking. As if he was thinking of better words to say. “You have a tattoo on your back, down your spine. What does it mean?”

Aelin’s heart dropped. Out of all the things she thought he’d ask….

She wasn’t going to answer. Just thinking about it opened old wounds in her heart she didn’t want to face. But as she locked eyes with Rowan, suddenly she didn’t just see pine-green. She saw pain, grief, sorrow. She saw blue and gold. She saw her own broken heart in Rowan’s eyes.

Something inside her broke. And she was talking before she even realized it.

“I lost my best friend two years ago to a drunk driver.”

A deadly silence took hold around the room. Aelin glanced down at the mug wrapped in her hands. But she could feel Rowan’s eyes on her the whole time she spoke, her voice gentle and laced with emotion.

“His name was Sam, and he was a skater too. We went through the beginners’ program together, when we were younger. He didn’t know his dad and his mom wasn’t around much, so he spent a lot of time with me and my family.” A pause as Aelin swallowed the lump forming in her throat, fighting back tears. “He was the strongest, most loyal and caring person I knew. Then, one day he was there and the next….” A single tear made its way down Aelin’s cheek. “He was killed by a drunk driver one Thursday afternoon on his way home from practice.”

Silence gripped the room as Aelin took a moment to collect herself. She couldn’t remember the last time she opened up to someone like this. She didn’t even completely understand why she was saying all this now. All she did know, was that she couldn’t stop.

“I realized too late how much I loved him. How in love with him I was and… I never got the chance to tell him.” Aelin paused for a moment before lifting her gaze to meet Rowan’s, a ghost of a smile on her lips. “He hated it here. He couldn’t wait to leave. And his first stop after high school was going to be Greece. His father was Greek, it was the only thing he knew about his dad. He wanted to go to Greece and…” She had to stop to swallow the lump in her throat.

Rowan’s own eyes were shining with emotions that mirrored her own, but he didn’t stop her.

 “‘And I will not be afraid,’” she breathed. “Sam would say it before tests or competitions or… anytime he was nervous or scared. ‘And I will not be afraid,’. That’s… that’s what the tattoo says, in Greek.”

Aelin could hear her heart beating in her ears, it was so quiet. Her tear filled eyes were locked with Rowans. No tears fell, however, as she held her chin as high as she could. But her shoulders sagged and she released an uneven breath, glancing back down at her now cold drink.

“Her name was Lyria,” Rowan said suddenly, causing Aelin’s head to snap back up. “And… I lost her about a year and a half ago.”

Aelin’s eyes widened, her heart breaking even more as she took in Rowan’s slumped shoulders, his gaze glossy and trailing on the wall behind her.

“She had cancer. Leukemia.” He explained, voice guarded. “We were together for almost 2 years when they discovered it but… it was too late. They didn’t catch it in time. And she,” Rowan paused, clearing his throat. “She died 2 months later.”

There was a heavy pause as Rowan picked up his mug, gulping down the rest of his drink before speaking again.

“That’s part of the reason for the move. To get away from… everything,” he explained, lifting his gaze to meet hers. His eyes… his eyes were so open and raw that it caused her heart to leap.

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Rowan simply shook his head.

“Me too.” His voice was just as raw as his eyes. “But also for saying you made it easy to hate you. That… that wasn’t fair of me.”

“Well, it wasn’t like you were lying.” Aelin managed to give him a tiny smile, though her heart wasn’t in it. “I don’t exactly make it easy for people to get along with me.”

“You have your reasons.”

Aelin’s eyes met Rowan’s. She felt a pull in her stomach as she took in his face, the softness and pain that now rested there. Those slightly glossy green eyes locked with hers.

She felt something between them shift. Like a wire was just now coming alive. And as she looked into Rowan’s eyes, she wanted nothing more there to just  _touch_   _him._

“We both do,” she said instead, the smallest smile on her face.

And when the corner of Rowan’s lips pulled up to match hers, she felt the pull in her stomach grow stronger.

Maybe, she realized, she spent all the time and energy hating Rowan because when she looked at him, she felt like she was looking at a mirror image of herself. An image that she didn’t want to face - that she  _couldn’t_  face.

But maybe all she had to do was open up. To look at herself fully before taking a step back and realizing she wasn’t alone. Aedion, Lysandra, Nehemia, they were all there for her, but they didn’t understand.

Rowan… Rowan understood.

“Come on.” He spoke up after a moment, pushing on the kitchen counter. His eyes mirrored everything Aelin felt as he turned to her, that small smile still on his lips. “I’ll drive you home.”


	11. And damn her again.

These past couple weeks were the most confusing and heart-wrenching ones of Elide’s short life.

After skipping school the first couple days after she and Manon called it quits, Elide realized she couldn’t hide forever. From both school, and her Uncle. Because she couldn’t exactly stay home when she skipped, so she would spend her days hiding out around town. But there were only so many places she could hide in public.

When she finally did go back to school, she avoided Manon. Not because she was scared to actually run into her. But because she didn’t think she’d actually be able to handle it. Seeing Manon meant facing all the questions she still had yet to figure out. Questions she didn’t even know how to start answering.

Her whole life she thought she had to choose. Boys or girls. She never really took to boys when she was younger, mainly because a lot of the boys her age bullied her. Her first crush had been a girl. She was sweet and nice, and after her parents died, she had a person. A someone she cared about. And a never-ending fear of what that meant, when she realized that she liked girls, and that her uncle would never be okay with it. Over the years, she thought some boys cute, but she liked girls. She was sure of it. She had to choose, right?

That’s what Elide always believed. Until she finally kissed a boy. Until she kissed Lorcan. Until she realized she liked it.

Frustration and confusion had a hold on her day in and day out. Her mind hardly stopped racing. Because all of a sudden, Elide was thrown into a raging sea of doubt - of the possibility that maybe she’d been living a lie most of her life.

She tried Google. And then quickly closed out of it, leaving her with more questions than she had to start with - more sexualities and identities and possibilities than she felt like she could handle. More confusion than she wanted to live with.

But there was no one she could talk to. No one knew about her and Manon. She’d kept it from everyone - her friends, her family - what if they hated her? Maybe not for being different, but for keeping secrets.

She’d have to open up about that to whoever she turned to.

And that was it. The reason she had been sitting on it for weeks. She didn’t think she’d be able to open up to someone. So her frustration grew, bursting her at the seams, questions drowning out her thoughts until she couldn’t do it anymore, until fear ceased to matter.

She knew she wasn’t ready to open up to Aelin or Lysandra or Nehemia. They couldn’t fully understand. But there was one person who would.

“Aedion.”

Elide walked up to the lunch table. Normally, she would sit down and join everyone else. But she needed to leave, to talk to Aedion before everything became too much.

Elide watched as Aedion’s shoulders relaxed slightly when he glanced up at her. He was currently sitting next to Lysandra, both looking unbelievably tense. Not that that was anything new, they’d been like that around each other for a few weeks.

The smallest smile pulled on Aedion’s lips. “What’s up?”

“Can I talk to you?” It took all of her strength not to let her voice shake. She glanced up at everyone around the table - Aelin, Lysandra, Nehemia - before looking Aedion dead in the eyes. “In private?”

Maybe it was her seriousness in her tone, or maybe he just really couldn’t deal with sitting next to Lysandra anymore, either way, Aedion nodded his head.

“Sure,” he said, standing up. “Lead the way.”

Taking a deep breath in through her nose, Elide turned on her heel and walked out of the lunchroom. Her hands were shaking slightly as she and Aedion walked down the hallway. There weren’t that many students, with everyone being in the cafeteria, outside or off-campus for lunch. But still, Elide didn’t feel comfortable talking to Aedion in an open area. She walked a few more feet before turning into an empty classroom, locking the door behind them.

“This isn’t the part where you kill me, is it?”

She knew he was teasing, but she was too nervous to laugh. And he must have noticed that by the look on her face as she turned to face him.

“Elide?” Aedion’s eyes pinched slightly, tone serious. “Is everything okay?”

This time, she almost did laugh. Because no, everything was not okay.

Taking in a deep breath, Elide sat on top of a random desk, and Aedion followed her lead, sitting on one across from her. They were silent for a few moments. Aedion watched her with curious eyes while Elide stared at her lap.

“How did you know you were bisexual?”

The question clearly took Aedion aback. He blinked at her for a moment as Elide looked up at him through her lashes.

“What?” Confusion took over Aedion’s face. He paused, taking a closer look at her before speaking gently. “Elide. What’s going on?”

And so she told him, the whole story pouring out of her before she lost her nerve. She told him all about Manon and their relationship. She told him about the party and Lorcan. She told him, with glossy eyes, about her talk with Manon. She told her everything.

“Don’t laugh, but I even googled it, trying to find answers,” Elide said, before pausing to take a breath. She wasn’t exactly sure how she felt now that someone else knew. She didn’t feel lighter, but she didn’t feel worse either, so that was a plus.

The whole time she spoke, Aedion remained silent. He simply sat there and watched her.

“Please don’t tell anyone,” Elide said after a moment, looking back at him. “Not even Aelin.”

To her relief, the smallest smile pulled on Aedion’s lips.

“Your secret is safe with me,” he said, tone soft yet serious. “And don’t worry, I did the internet thing too.”

“You did?” Elide couldn’t help but feel better for some reason.

Aedion nodded before the smile fell from his face, his expression going all serious.

“I just want you to know, Elide, that no matter what I tell you, this is ultimately something you have to figure out on your own,” he said, before reaching forward, taking her hand in his. “But I will be there for you, no matter what. I promise.”

Elide could feel the tears forming in her tears as she nodded. “Thank you, Aedion.”

“Of course,” he smiled, giving her hand a squeeze. “Now, what questions do you have?”

And so they sat there for the rest of lunch. Aedion did his best to answer whatever questions she had while Elide listened to every word that came out of his month. The whole time, Aedion held her hand.

———————

To say Aelin was frustrated at the moment was an understatement.

She tried not to let it get to her, however. Instead, she used it to fuel her, to push her further. Her legs were burning, ass soaking wet, but she didn’t pay attention to any of these things.

Skating down the ice, Aelin picked up some speed before turning backwards. She was aware of everyone watching her - whether it was out of the corner of their eye or deliberately. But that didn’t get to her. Aelin thrived off of people watching her.

Gliding backwards, everything around her disappeared. It was just her and this jump.

Taking a deep breath in through her nose, eyes pinched slightly, Aelin set up her arms. She lifted her right leg behind her, holding it there for a moment before stabbing it into the ice.

Pushing off of her pick, she flung herself through the air, pulling in tight. With her arms tucked in, legs crossed, she pulled off the triple lutz with no problems.

Landing gracefully, Aelin quickly drove her pick back into the ice and pushed off. She pulled everything in as tightly as she could, standing up tall as she flew through the air. She spun once, twice, a third time -

Then she was back on the ground.

Her blade hit the ice before it was supposed to. It slid out from under her, causing her to smack her hip and ass on the cold wet ice.

Her frustration and anger started to boil over as the sounds of the stadium came back into focus. Everyone went back to their own jumps and spins as Aelin slammed her fist into the ice, cursing herself before standing up.

“You have to pull in tighter on the toe-loop,” Weylan told her calmly. He skated up to her with his hands clasped behind his back. ”And you need more height, push off your toe harder. That’s why you’re only getting 2 and a half rotations.”

“I know,” Aelin couldn’t help but snap back as she brushed the ice shavings off of her ass.

Weylan didn’t reply, and when Aelin lifted her gaze, she found him watching her with one raised eyebrow. Clearly, he was not pleased with her tone. But she didn’t care at the moment. She’d been trying this jump for over a month now and still had yet to land it. And Coach Weylan always said the same things.  _“Pull in tighter.” “You need more height.” “You’re only getting 2 and a half rotations.”_

As if she didn’t already know all of that.

Taking a sharp breath, Aelin ran a tired hand over her face. She slowly made her way towards the boards, her ass hurting more with every push of her blade.

“Try getting more speed,” Weylan’s clipped voice came from behind her. But Aelin didn’t so much as glance his way. She simply jumped behind the boards, taking a careful seat on the bench as she grabbed her water.

Unphased, Weylan stopped in front of her and continued to speak.

“If you have more speed coming out of the lutz it’ll give you a better chance of-”

“Weylan.”

Gripping the water bottle tightly in her hand, Aelin let out a breath as she looked over at Uncle Orlon. He was skating towards them with Nehemia trailing just a few steps behind.

Nehemia threw Aelin a small, friendly smile as she too picked up her water bottle. Aelin did her best to return the small, but her heart just wasn’t in it. She was too pissed off.

“I think it’s time to switch.”

With her gaze turning back to her two uncles, Aelin took another sip of her water as Weylan narrowed his eyes at his husband.

“Sectionals is in just over a week,” he said. “And she has yet to land this jump.”

“And overworking the jump isn’t going to help,” Orlon replied, voice calm and collected. “You can take Nehemia now and I’ll take Aelin. You can work on the jump again tomorrow morning.”

A sigh left Aelin’s lips as she brought her water bottle back to them. She could feel a headache starting to come on. Plus she could only imagine the size of the bruise that was forming on her ass right then. But none of that compared to the irritation boiling through her blood.

She had over a month to land this jump. It should have been plenty of time. And yet, there she was, pants soaked because she ended up on the ice every time she even  _tried_  it. Weylan’s words swam through her head.

_“Sectionals is in just over a week. And she has yet to land this jump.”_

As if she didn’t already know that.

Weylan’s expression became strained. He looked ready to argue some more. Then Orlon simply raised an eyebrow, causing Weylan to bite his tongue before letting out a sigh.

“We’ll come back to this tomorrow,” he told to Aelin, before turning to Nehemia. “Come on. Let’s get started.”

Nehemia shared a knowing look with Aelin before pushing off the boards and following after Weylan.

“I know spins are just as important as jumps.” Aelin stood up, wincing slightly at the pain in her hip as she jumped back onto the ice. “But all my spins in my routine are solid. I should  _really_  work on this jump-”

“I wasn’t lying when I said it’s going to do no good to overwork the jump.” Orlon crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re overthinking it at this point, trying to remember a million points at once to make the jump work. It’s supposed to come to you naturally.”

“Well it’s not,” she couldn’t help but grumble.

“Because you’re overthinking it.” There was the smallest trace of a smirk on Orlon’s lips before he started making his way over to the far end of the ice.

Aelin rolled her eyes, following after her uncle. “Smart ass.”

“You know Aelin -” Orlon came to a stop. He turned around to face her, resting an arm on the boards. “You don’t need to do the triple-triple at Sectionals. You can still place with a-”

“I know I don’t need to, Uncle Orlon.” Aelin interrupted. “But I want to.”

The need to do the jump at Sectionals, the need to prove herself, it was greater than anything. She couldn’t fully explain it, but she had to do the jump. She had to do the jump, and she had to land it at Sectionals. She had to do it for-

“I’ll get the jump, Uncle Orlon.” She tried to look casual, but he could tell the smile on her face was forced.

Orlon didn’t reply, he simply watched her, studying her. He didn’t believe her, not fully. She could see the worry shining in her eyes, worry for his only niece. But she kept the smile on her face.

She knew he wanted to push her more on the subject. For a moment it looked like he was going to, but then, the smallest smile made its way out of his lips.

“Show me the camel combo that’s in your routine,” was all he said.

Aelin gladly took the distraction.

For the next twenty minutes, she worked with Orlon on her spins and the footwork in her routine. She kept her mind clear, pushing out all thoughts that didn’t have to do with pulling her leg above her head or doing four twirls before going into a lunge. Not once did any thoughts of the triple-triple come into her mind.

Until she was off the ice and in the locker room.

“Just so you know, Aelin. I think it’s great that you’re sticking with the triple-triple.” Kaltain smirked as she stood up from the bench, throwing her skating bag over her shoulder. “It’s going to make it much easier for me to beat you.”

“I’m glad I’m sticking with it too.” Aelin looked up from cleaning her blades, her own smile deadly. “It’s going to make it that much more satisfying when I knock you off the podium.”

Kaltain snarled, baring her pearly whites. She didn’t say anything, however. With one look at Aelin, and then Nehemia and Lys, Kaltain simply flipped her long, dark hair over her shoulder before marching out of the locker room.

“Does she honestly get off on being a bitch?” Nehemia stated bluntly, placing her skates in her bag.

“She’s gonna get her ass handed to her next weekend. When the three of us beat her.” Lysandra’s tone was smug, but Aelin could hear the uncertainty in it. And when she turned to shoot her a questioning look, Lysandra simply ignored her.

“Are you worried at all?” Nehemia asked gently, her gaze on Aelin. “About the jump?”

Aelin had to bite back her groan. She was not in the mood to talk about this right now.

“No,” She gave a casual shrug of her shoulders. “I’ll get it tomorrow morning at practice. No biggie.”

Aelin looked back down just as Lysandra and Nehemia shared a look. But she didn’t comment or pay them any attention. She simply went about cleaning her last skate before placing them both in her bag.

“And sectionals isn’t until next week,” Lysandra said. “You still have tons of time to get it.”

Aelin simply hummed her agreement, half-heartedly, as she made sure everything was in her bag before zipping it up

“But in the meantime,” Lysandra continued, zipping up her own bag before turning to Nehemia. “Can I catch a ride with you?”

“Sorry, can’t.” An apologetic smile grew on Nehemiah’s face as she stood up. “I have to head to work when I leave there now.”

“You can come with me,” Aelin suggested. “But I have to wait here for an hour. Aedion’s my ride.”

Uncertainty flashed through Lysandra’s bright green eyes as her whole body went tense. It was the same look she wore every time someone brought up Aedion these past few weeks.

She glanced around the locker room, but everyone else was already gone. It was just the three of them left. She was out of opinions. It was either catch a ride with her and Aedion, or walk. And by the way Lysandra sighed, Aelin knew Lysandra noticed that also.

“Okay,” she said reluctantly.

“What’s up with you and Aedion anyways?” Nehemia raised a questioning eyebrow, hoisting her bag over her shoulder. “You guys have hardly spoken in weeks.”

Lysandra’s shoulders sagged slightly as if a giant weight was pushing down on her. But Aelin could see the slightest angry flash in her eyes.

“It’s… a long story,” she said, a forced smile on her lips. “One I’ll tell you when you don’t have work.”

Nehemia didn’t seem all that convinced. But Lysandra was right, she had to get to work. And after a quick goodbye, she turned on her heels and walked out the door.

A silence fell around Aelin and Lysandra as they picked up their bags and left the locker room. They still had about forty minutes to kill before hockey practice was over, so they made their way up into the stands, taking a seat towards the middle with their bags at their feet.

The guys were currently in the middle of doing some slapshot drills, and the sounds of their sticks smacking the pucks filled the area. It was only when their coach blew the whistle that Aelin finally spoke.

“He still hasn’t talked to you about it yet?”

Lysandra let out a tired sigh, leaning back in her seat as she crossed her arms.

“He still can hardly look at me,” she said, anger in her voice. “Let alone talk to me about… the situation.”

Aelin watched Lysandra for a moment before turning back to the ice, watching as the guys got ready to play a small game between them.

She wanted to tell Lysandra that Aedion would come around, that he’d talk to her soon enough and everything would be okay in the end. But she couldn’t. Because she honestly didn’t know where Aedion was standing right now about this whole situation. He didn’t say anything to Aelin about it. He was keeping to himself, not that she could really say much.

“Can I ask you something?” She said suddenly, turning back to Lysandra. “About something you said in the locker room.”

“Sure.”

“Are you actually competing next week?”

Lysandra gave her shoulders a shrug, watching the mini hockey game going on before them. “Why not? And don’t say it’s because I’m…” Lysandra sighed, her narrowed eyes fixed on Aelin for a moment before turning back to the rink. “I’m only 15 weeks. I heard a story about a couch on the west coast a few years back. She was 9 months and competed in a synchro competition with her team. She literally had her baby a week later.”

“There aren’t doubles and triples in synchro, Lys.” Aelin said softly. “Should you really be skating? Did you ask the doctor about this?”

“And now you sound like Aedion.” Lysandra rolled her eyes, irritation pouring off of her in waves.

Aelin’s attention snapped solely to Lysandra. “You talked to Aedion about this? You literally just said he can hardly look at you, let alone speak.”

“He came up to me at the end of the showcase last week,” she said. “He didn’t say anything about the actual situation on hand. Just asked if I was skating at Sectionals and got pissy at me when I said I was.”

Aelin didn’t reply. Mainly because she kind of agreed with Aedion. Personally, she didn’t think Lysandra should be skating. Not when she was pulling doubles and triples, not when she could fall down on her stomach at any moment. But, in the end, it was Lysandra’s own decision.

“Well,” Aelin spoke up after a moment. “At least he seems like he truly cares.”

A snort left Lysandra’s lips. “‘Seems’ is the key word there.”

Aelin sent Lysandra a confused look, but the brunette simply looked down at her lap for a long moment, not saying anything.

“I think Aedion is just waiting to break up with me,” Lysandra finally said, angry and sadness laced in her voice. “But he doesn’t know how to say it. That’s what it feels like to me anyways. And I’m so mad and frustrated and scared and…”

She trailed off, her words seemingly leaving her. And Aelin just didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t speak for Aedion, she didn’t know what he was going to do. So she just took Lysandra’s shaking hand in hers, not saying a word.

Turning back to the rink, both girls watched in silence as the guys played a game of hockey against each other.

Immediately, Aelin’s eyes found the giant number 13 among all the other players.

She watched as Rowan skated down the ice, his stick pushing the puck. She couldn’t take her eyes off of him as he skated faster and faster, passing the puck over to Nox before continuing his way down the ice. When he was closer to the net, the puck found its way back to him and Rowan took the shot, the puck flying to the top right corner of the net.

Ever since that night at Rowan’s house where Aelin had completely opened up to him, they’d been more casual, friendly towards each other. At first, honestly, it was the slightest bit awkward. They weren’t really sure how to be civil to each other because they were so used to their witty and snappy comments. But they found a common ground. Now, Aelin teased and spoke to Rowan as if he was one of her closest friends.

And in a way, he was.

Rowan was the only person who knew every single broken and healing part of her. He saw her without the mask and he didn’t question her. He didn’t leave or run away. He stayed by her side. He understood her and she understood him. They were one and the same.

“My turn to ask a question.”

Aelin tore her eyes away from Rowan, only to find Lysandra watching her with a raised eyebrow, her lips pulled up in the corner.

“Are you going to tell me what happened between you and Rowan?” She asked. “You guys are pretty cozy with each other now.”

Aelin rolled her eyes halfheartedly.

“We’re more alike than we thought,” was all she said, turning her attention back to the game.

She didn’t really know how to explain it to people. Everyone questioned them on their friendship for the first week or so of them getting along. No one understood how they could do a complete 180 and go from hating together to actually getting along.

For the most part, everyone had backed off by now. Except for the occasional question here and there.

_“You guys are pretty cozy with each other now.”_

Just those simple, innocent words caused Aelin’s blood to heat up.

She thought of Rowan as one of her closest friends. But a lot of the times, that line between them seemed to blur.

Between all the teasing and flirting and the secret glances from across the hallways. Between the pull in her stomach when she saw him actually smile and the ever-lasting need that hit her randomly and suddenly. The need to feel his hands, his mouth, on her bare skin. A need that, by the darkened look she sometimes caught in Rowan’s eyes, he felt too. The line between friends and more was almost nonexistent for them.

But neither of them acted on it. She always blew the look in Rowan’s eyes off as him just being a teenage boy. He didn’t actually feel the same way towards her, she told herself. Besides, they just became friends. There was no way they could be something more.

The blowing of a whistle caused Aelin to jump out of her thoughts. She looked around and found that the boys picking up their stuff and making their way off the ice, their practice over.

She must have been deeper in her thoughts than she thought.

With a sigh, Aelin sat up in her chair. She stretched her arms above her head before turning towards Lysandra. Only to find the dark-haired beauty biting her lips, looking at her hands in her lap.

“Are you nervous about Sectionals?” Lysandra asked suddenly, her bright gaze burning into Aelin’s.

Even though she said Sectionals, Aelin had a feel Lysandra was talking about something completely different.

With the smallest smile pulling on her lips, Aelin reached over and grabbed Lysandra’s hand, giving it a squeeze.

“Everything’s going to be fine, Lys,” she said. “We’ll always be there for each other. No matter what.”

That was as much as she could offer right now. Lysandra seemed to know that as she slowly nodded her head, and a twin smile to Aelin’s appeared on her lips.

“Come on.” Aelin pushed herself up, picking up her skating bag. “Let’s go wait for Aedion.”

Together, both girls made their way down from the stands. More than half the team was still getting off the ice. But Aelin couldn’t see Aedion’s shaggy head of blonde hair anywhere, meaning he was probably already in the locker room.

“Aelin.”

Damn her for not being able to keep the smile off of her face.

Damn Lysandra even more for noticing.

“I’ll be waiting by the locker room,” she said with a wink, before making her way there.

With a quick glare in her direction, Aelin spun around to find Rowan making his way towards her and -  _fuck me_  she thought. After-practice Rowan looked just as good as shirtless Rowan. Decked out in his hockey gear, white hair flopping in his eyes… Just the sight caused Aelin’s core to heat.

“Hey.” She didn’t think it was possible, but her smile grew bigger.

“Hey.” Rowan stopped before her, a smile on his own lips. “I’m surprised that you’re still here.”

“I don’t know why. I mean, I basically live here.” Her grin turned into a smirk as Rowan raised an eyebrow at her.

“Catching a ride with Aedion?”

“I can’t wait to get a license in a few months.”

Rowan let out a laugh as Aelin leaned against the wall, crossing her arms.

“But at least I get to stare at hot guys playing hockey while I wait,” she continued. “Speaking of, good practice.”

“Thanks,” he playfully rolled his eyes at her. “How was your practice? Did you land…”

The look on her face must have caused him to trail off, a silence falling around them for a moment. The one thing Aelin was grateful for about Rowan - he never nagged her about the jump. He didn’t tell her she’d get it next time. Or that she had nothing to worry about and everything would work out. He simply just left it.

And yet, she still found herself speaking up.

“I still have until next week,” she said. Though she wasn’t sure if she was talking to Rowan or herself. “That’s plenty of time to land it before Sectionals.”

“Are you nervous?” Rowan asked. “About Sectionals.”

Aelin paused. Because the truth was, she was nervous about Sectionals. Even though she would never admit it to anyone else. Hell, she barely wanted to admit it to herself.

She hardly ever got nervous when it came to competing.

“No more than normal.” She gave a casual shrug of her shoulders. But she could tell by Rowan’s raised eyebrow that he didn’t fully believe her. Still, Aelin let a grin grow on her lips.

“You should come,” she said. “Aedion’s going to be there, and I’m pretty sure Fenrys, Connall and Vaughan are going with him. You should come watch too.”

Rowan’s eyes started to shine. He opened his mouth to speak, but a voice coming from behind her cut him off.

“Aelin!”

Spinning around, Aelin saw Aedion and Lysandra awkwardly standing together. Aedion was raising an eyebrow at her, before waving her over, telling her it was time to go.

“You should really come,” Aelin smiled, turning back to Rowan. “I want you there.”

“Okay,” Rowan nodded with a grin, his hair flopping in his eyes. “I’ll be there.”

“Great!” Aelin pushed herself off the wall as Aedion called out to her again. “I’ll see you later, buzzard.”

She heard Rowan chuckle behind her at the nickname. And damn her again. Because her stomach flipped at the deep sound, a grin plastered on her face.


	12. The ice was their canvas.

_“Now on the ice, representing Rifthold Royals Figure Skating Club, Aelin Galathynius!”_

_“It’s been quite a ride for seventeen-year-old Aelin Galathynius these past few years, and not all of it good. As most of you remember, she was slated to skate at Sectionals two years back, when she dropped out due to the sudden loss of fellow skater, Sam Cortland.”_

_“But it’s amazing to finally see her competing here today, Embrys. All that good and bad, it makes you what you are in the big moments. And we’ll see if it ends up being positive here in Perranth.”_

_“Niece of Worlds Champion Olron Galathynius, skating her short to_ The Assassin’s Tango _\- Aelin Galathynius.”_

 ——————–

Aelin sat in the kiss & cry, chest heaving as she gulped down her water. She tried to keep the disappointment, annoyance, and rage off her face. The competition was being broadcasted, after all, there were tons of cameras currently pointed at her.

But keeping her face calm and collected was harder than it seemed.

She kept replaying her  _horrible_  routine over in her head. Two falls and a stumble? She may as well have not skated at all.

_“The short program score for Aelin Galathynius.”_

Orlon and Weylan sat on either side of her, the former placing a hand on her knee, giving it a squeeze. The latter sat up straighter, eyes narrowed at the screen before them.

Aelin was aware of the announcer calling out her scores, she was aware of the numbers on the scene. But the only thing she saw was her placement.

_5th place._

She smiled tightly as her heart dropped into her stomach. Orlon patted her knee, drawing her attention as she gave him a nod, the smallest smile on her face. Weylan, in the meantime, was nodding to himself, sizing up the marks, making a note on what she had to do better for the long program. 

But  _5th place_  was the only thing running around in Aelin’s head.

She wasn’t the last to skate, but the few skaters left were new, inexperienced, she wasn’t too worried about them. However, that didn’t change the fact that she should have done better than 5th place. She should have at least gotten 3rd. And if she didn’t get at least 4th by the end of the long, she’d have to kiss nationals goodbye.

“It was the fall on the triple-triple that cost you,” Weylan said the moment the dressing room door was closed behind them. “Plus the fall on the end of your double axel. And don’t get me started on the stumble in your footwork, that was just-”

“Weylan.” Orlon stepped in, tone sharp and holding a warning in it.

Aelin sat down on the bench and started untying her skates. She was glad no one was currently in the room because she couldn’t keep the look of pure irritation and rage off of her face.

She knew everything Weylan was telling her. The stumble in her footwork was her own stupid mistake, a mistake she shouldn’t have made. The fall at the end of her axel was another mistake, one that pissed her off even more. And the triple-triple…. She didn’t land that jump before, so it shouldn’t have surprised her when she didn’t land it in the routine.

She’d hoped that the buzz of the crowd and pressure of the competition would have given her the boost she’d need to land the jump for the first time. But that definitely wasn’t the case.

“The short only counts for one-third of your overall mark, you know that.” Orlon sat down next to her, gently rubbing her back as she continued to take off her skates. “You just have to beat out one person with the long and you’re in for Nationals.”

His words were gentle, meant to be soothing, but they did just the opposite.

“When we get your report card for the judges, we’ll talk about what you need to fix for the long,” Weylan said, standing before her with his arms crossed.

Aelin simply nodded her head. She wasn’t in a talking mood right then.

With a sigh, Orlon stood up from the bench.

“Try and relax for a few hours,” he said. “You have a while before the long. Sit and watch some of the competition. Try not to think too much about your program.”

Again, Aelin just nodded her head without so much as looking up from her skates.

Realizing they weren’t going to get anything else out of her, Orlon and Weylan told Aelin they’d see her later before leaving the dressing room.

Aelin took her skates off of her feet, resting them on the bench next to her. A tired sigh made it’s way out of her lips as she leaned back against the wall.

That routine she skated out there… That wasn’t her. Yes, she was frustrated with herself about her triple-triple, but she could look past that one. The fall on the double axel and stumble in her footwork, those were unforgivable. There was no reason for her to make those mistakes.

Irritated, Aelin picked up one of her skates and started cleaning the blade.

She didn’t want to admit it, but she knew why she was distracted going into her routine. She knew why she messed up so bad. And the reason alone caused her blood to boil even more.

Rowan wasn’t there.

He didn’t show up like he said he would. And he didn’t even text her to tell her he couldn’t make it. He just didn’t show up.

 _He could show up in time for your long_ , she tried to tell herself at first. But now, she doubted it. Aedion informed her that when he went to pick Rowan up, he wasn’t home. And he wasn’t answering his phone.

It shouldn’t affect her like it did. She shouldn’t be this upset over him not showing up. But she was, and she let that affect her short program. She let it land her in 5th place.

She didn’t want to admit that Rowan could get to her like this, but he did. And she hated it now more than ever.

Frustrated, Aelin finished cleaning her blades before packing them up and standing. She pulled on her club jacket before making her way out of the room.

She took a few deep breaths as she slowly walked towards the stands where her parents, friends, and everyone else was sitting. She didn’t want to look completely pissed off when she reached everyone. After all, she wasn’t the only one having bad luck today. Nehemia was currently just under her in 6th place, while Lysandra was resting in 9th - mainly because she was even more distracted than Aelin had been for obvious reasons….

Aelin stumbled. She was so lost in thought, she didn’t even realize she was headed for someone until she banged right into them.

“Sorry.” She caught herself, taking a step back as she readjusted her bag.

“No big…” the dark-haired stranger bent down to pick up his phone, before his hazel eyes lifted to her and a smirk slowly started to pull on his lips. “Hello.”

Aelin simply raised an eyebrow at him. She was  _not_  in the mood right then.

“You’re Aelin Galathynius, right?”

“Possibly.”

“I saw your short,” he said. “It was decent. Aside from all the falls, you know? But you looked good.”

Aelin blinked. This guy couldn’t be serious.

She took a moment to look him up and down. He didn’t look much older than her, maybe Aedion’s age or a bit older. He was a figure skater, she could tell by the outfit he was currently wearing and skating bag on his shoulder. But other than that, nothing was really jumping out at her.

“Thanks,” she said with a small snort, voice laced with sarcasm. She didn’t so much as wait for his reply as she stepped around him, walking away without a glance back.

She wasn’t exactly in the mood to make friends at the moment.

Hoisting her bag further up her shoulder, Aelin took a moment to glance around the packed arena. Pair skating long programs were currently on the ice, meaning that Aelin had a while to wait before her own long program.

It took her a few minutes to reach the section where everyone was sitting. She had to push her way through crowds of people. Skaters were lining the walls, doing last minute hair and makeup, warming up, and talking to their coaches. Friends and family were leaning against the railing as they watched the competition. Photographers were snapping pictures. The atmosphere was crazy and intense. Everything Aelin loved about competition day.

Only that day, she didn’t enjoy it one bit.

“Aelin,” Evalin smiled brightly, once Aelin finally reached them. She didn’t even have a chance to drop her bag before her mother pulled her into a bone-crushing hug. “You looked beautiful out there.”

“You did great, kiddo.” Rhoe stepped in, also pulling her into a hug as he placed a kiss on her forehead. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks.” She did her best to smile at them both, but her heart wasn’t in it. They were her parents, after all, of course they’d say these things to her. She could have placed dead last and they’d still be proud of her.

Taking a quick glance around, Aelin found her Uncles standing behind her mother and father, along with her Uncle Gavriel and Aunt Ashlin. Everyone else was sitting in the stands just below them.

“We’re going to get something to eat,” Evalin explained. “Did you want me to bring you back something?”

What she really wanted was a burger and fries, but one quick look at Uncle Weylan and Uncle Orlon told her that wasn’t going to happen.

“I’m good,” she answered. “I’ll eat the salad you packed for me.”

“Okay,” Evalin smiled. She leaned forward and placed a kiss on Aelin’s cheek. “I’ll bring in your other dress when we get back so you can change.”

Aelin kept the forced smile on her face as she nodded. She quickly gave her Uncle Gavriel and Aunt Ashlin a hug before the six adults left. And the smile fell.

Aelin stood there for a moment, taking in a deep breath, before making her way to the seats.

“Little A!” Fenrys stood up in his seat when he saw her walking towards them. He pulled her into a hug as a giant smile grew across his face. “You looked smokin’.”

Despite her mood, Aelin couldn’t help but laugh slightly as she returned the hug. “Thanks.”

“You did amazing,” Connall stepped in once Fenrys let her go. He placed the smallest kiss on her cheek, also gave her a hug.

“Better than I’d ever do,” Vaughan teased.

“You did beautifully, Aelin,” Lysandra’s father said to her from where he sat in the row above the kids.

Aelin couldn’t help but smile, her heart warming as Nehemia’s parents also congratulated her. It was nice to talk to people who hardly knew anything about skating. She could have fallen ten times and it would have still been amazing for them to watch. It was humbling.

But as she looked around and her heart dropped once more, mood turning sour.

“He’s not here,” Aedion told her gently as she took a seat in between him and Lysandra. A seat the was  _conveniently_  left empty. “And he’s still not answering his phone.”

“Who?” Nehemia said, glancing over at Aelin with a questioning look. But it was Aedion who answered.

“Rowan.”

“I’m not looking for him,” Not the complete truth, but she wasn’t about to admit that. “I was looking for Kaltain. I’m surprised she’s not here to gloat.”

“She left with her parents just after you got off the ice,” Lysandra said softly.

Aelin didn’t reply. She took this time to study Lysandra, to take in her paler than normal face, the distant look in her eyes. Then she took a quick glance at Aedion, who sat with his jaw clenched, eyes filled with worry and anger. He clearly wasn’t happy about Lysandra skating today, not that Aelin could blame him.

With a sigh, Aelin crossed her arms over her chest, leaning back in her chair.

“What a fucking day.”

“Tell me about it.” Lysandra let loose her own sigh.

Nehemia nodded in agreement. “And we’re not even close to done yet.”

A silence fell over the group as they watched the competition taking place before them. Pairs and Ice Dance where the two categories that the Rifthold Royals had no skaters in. It was nice to sit back and just watch the competition without worrying about if someone from your club places or not.

Aelin watched as skaters flew up and across the ice. Pairs skating always fascinated her. Watching the skaters move side by side, watching them be so in sync, it was amazing. To have that much trust in someone to hold you above their head, or to throw you across the ice, even Aelin didn’t understand it.

Feeling her phone go off in her jacket pocket, Aelin couldn’t help but feel her heart pick up as she pulled it out. Maybe it was…. Her mother. Asking if there was anything she needed picked up.

She  _hated_  feeling this way. She hated that not having Rowan here affected her this much. It didn’t make sense to her. Something probably came up. He probably had other things to do. She shouldn’t feel this way. She shouldn’t  _care_.

“Hey,” Lysandra elbowed her, pulling her attention to the ice.

Looking up, Aelin watched as the final pair of skaters in the category took to the ice. She was so lost in her thoughts, she missed their announcement. They looked so familiar to her, but she couldn’t place them. But by the way the crowd cheered, they did.

She watched as the pair stood back to back. And as the music, a soft piano, filled the arena, Aelin knew. She knew they had this otherworldly connection that the other pairs didn’t even come close to having. The way they glanced at each other, the way they moved. Their hands knew where to fall, where to find each other. Their feet worked in sync as if controlled by one mind.

Aelin watched, mesmerized, as he threw her across the ice, lifted her above his head, and pulled her in close - as they spun together, one body and one soul. She watched as they jumped together, completely in time. She watched as they pulled off the most difficult jumps in the competition, completely flawless.

They had the crowd in their hands, even Aelin and her friends.

They were captivating. No one could look away. They told a story as they skated. With their footwork, arm movements, their togetherness, they were dragging the audience into their story. The ice was their canvas and their blades the brushes.

And as they pulled off that last big jump, as he threw her across the ice and she nailed the landing, her face lit up. The smile and excitement on her face was blinding. And when he saw the look on her face, his own started to shine, as if the stars themselves were shining in his eyes.

The music faded out, and they were on the ice, kneeling before each other. Him, dressed in the darkest black, from his skates to his hair, which was so dark that it looked blue in some light. Her, in a pale blue dress that seemed to be made of diamonds.

Him, the night sky. Her, the stars.

The smiles on their faces were electrifying. She jumped to her feet, throwing herself into his arms as he spun her around. The love that flowed between them was undeniable.

The crowd, including Aelin and everyone around her, were on their feet by the time the announcer came back over the speaker.

_”Representing the Velaris Starlight Figure Skating Club, Rhysand Knight and Feyre Archeron!”_

Now Aelin recognized them.

Both skated a few years ago, but not with each other. They had different partners a few seasons ago. Aelin didn’t really know what happened between the pairs, but it lead to Rhysand and Feyre being paired together. And if anyone had doubted the pairing before, they were eating their words now.

The crowd cheered, the loudest cheers coming from the section just next to theirs.

Aelin craned her head, and the first person she spotted was the long haired, hazel eyed guy she’d banged into earlier, who was now wolf whistling and basically jumping up and down. There was also another brown skinned, darker guy next to him, smiling as he clapped and cheered. A girl with short, black hair also sat with them, along with a sweet looking girl with golden-brown hair.  

But the two that stood out the most for Aelin was the other girl with golden-brown hair - who was currently rolling her eyes at the long-haired guy - and the beautiful blonde next to her. Because Aelin knew them. Nesta Archeron and Morrigan Black. Both skated against Aelin in the short and were currently in 1st and 3rd.

“That was amazeballs,” Fenrys said, catching Aelin’s attention and causing her to roll her eyes.

“If we happen to run into them later, be sure to tell them that,” Connall teased. “And make sure to use those exact words.

“If they don’t place 1st, I’ll riot for them,” Lysandra said, as the announcer came back over the speaker, and Aelin couldn’t help but agree.

They all turned their attention to the giant screen hanging over the ice, which now showed Rhysand and Feyre sitting in the kiss and cry with their coach. Sure enough, they’d managed to glide their way straight into first place. The smiles on Feyre and Rhysand’s faces grew impossibly bigger as they jumped up, hugging each other and then their coach. They crowd went crazy. Aelin could hear the whoops and whistles coming from the section next to them.

It was a truly magical moment.

“Now that was skating.”

Aelin almost jumped at the sound of Uncle Weylan’s voice as he came to stand in front of her, Lys, and Nehemia. She was so engrossed in Rhysand’s and Feyre’s skate, she didn’t even know they’d returned.

“Maybe we should have put together a pairs team,” Orlon came to stand next to his husband, a teasing smile on his lips. “I think Aelin and Nehemia would have done well together.”

“We would have killed it.” Nehemia sent a wink her way, and Aelin couldn’t help but laugh. She suddenly felt happy for the first time since the competition started. She felt like she was enjoying herself.

But no matter what, there was that voice in the back of her head. A voice she wanted to just shut up. A voice that kept reminding her Rowan wasn’t here to watch her.

——————–

In the safety of the bathroom stall, Aelin gave a heavy sigh.

She stripped out of her black dress, pulling on an orange one that was backless, aside from the column of fabric that looked like flames going down her spine and up her arms.

Changing from an Assassin to the Firebird.

Just that thought caused the fabric to feel heavier, a mountain of pressure forming on her shoulders.

She had to skate clean. She had to get at  _least_  4th. She  _had_   _to_. If she didn’t….

She  _had_  to get to Nationals.

Breathing in deeply through her nose, Aelin pulled open the door to the stall. She made sure all her stuff was packed up before walking over to the sink. Nehemia was already there, fixing her hair and makeup, along with a handful of other skaters from different skating clubs. Meanwhile, Lysandra was off with Coach Clarisse, warming up for her skate.

Without a word or even a glance at Nehemia, Aelin pulled out her makeup bag before washing off her dark lipstick and eyeshadow.

She tried to keep her mind on what was in front of her. She tried to focus on applying her eyeliner, her blush, the mascara. But her thoughts started to slip away from her.

And went right back to Rowan, the root of her frustration and nervousness.

She tried not to think about him and the heartache she was feeling. She tried to think about  _anything_ else. But it was hard. Just when she’d almost forget completely about Rowan, he’d pop up in her head again. It was beyond irritating. And yet, every time it happened, she felt her heart break just the tiniest bit more. But what scared her the most, was that she was slowly starting to realize why she felt this way.

If she didn’t get to Nationals because of this…

“You’ve been out of it all day.”

“Huh?” Aelin lowered her lipgloss. She looked over at Nehemia, who had spoken up now that there were only two other girls in the bathroom with them.

She didn’t even realize Nehemia had been watching her, studying her.

“I said, you’ve been out of it all day,” Nehemia repeated, leaning against the sink. “You okay?”

Aelin held Nehemia’s gaze for a moment, the smile on her face so forced it hurt.

“Yeah.” She turned back to the mirror and continued putting on her lipgloss. “Just going through the routine in my head, getting in the right mindset, you know.”

Nehemia wasn’t convinced.

“This is about Rowan not showing up, isn’t it.”

It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. Because Nehemia knew she was right.

Aelin paused, slightly taken aback, though she didn’t know why. Of course Nehemia would notice something was wrong. And of course she would figure out what that something was. But still, hearing someone else bring him up, it hurt.  _A lot_. And it also wasn’t something she wanted to talk about before she started getting ready to step on the ice.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It came out sharper than Aelin meant it to. This wasn’t Nehemia’s fault. But she couldn’t help it.

Nehemia simply raised an eyebrow at her.

“You’re upset he didn’t come.”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it.”

Aelin  _never_  spoke to Nehemia like that before, with that tone. With such a coldness in her eyes and hardness on her face.

Seeing Aelin react like that just showed Nehemia how right she was.

A deadly silence filled the air around them. Neither spoke. Not one word was said between them for the longest moment.

Until Nehemia sighed.

“I’ll see you in the dressing room,” was all she said before she picked up her things, leaving the bathroom.

For a beat, Aelin didn’t move. Then she let out a breath, throwing her makeup back in the bag before tossing everything in her skating bag. Frustration rolled off her in waves. She could feel it boiling in her blood.

With pinched brows, she simply stood there, staring down at her skating bag. And in a fit of irritation, she gave the bag a hard kick.

Probably not the brightest idea when she was about to step on the ice. But she couldn’t help it. Everything was just getting to be too much.

Damn Nehemia. Damn Rowan. Damn the world.

The sound of snort coming from behind her caused Aelin to spin around.

Angry and slightly embarrassed, Aelin saw the only other 2 skaters in the bathroom watching her. The one that had her golden-brown hair slicked back in a ponytail watched her with an intense gaze. Her face was hard and almost unreadable as she stood there in a bright red, low-cut dress, her hand resting on her hip.

“Okay listen,” the girl said, her gaze never leaving Aelin. “You’re a good skater, so I just have to say, don’t fuck this all up over a stupid guy.”

“Nesta.” The blonde beauty next to her snapped, her two long braids flying over her shoulder as her purple dress sparkled in the bathroom light.

But Nesta just rolled her eyes. “She’s got enough balls to try a triple-triple only to fall on her ass, Mor. She shouldn’t be throwing a hissy fit in the bathroom.”

“Excuse me?” Aelin kept her voice hard as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Who the hell do you think you are?”

Nesta glared harder at her, but it was Mor who answered with a sigh.

“Ignore her. She normally leaves her manners at home.”

Nesta’s gaze shifted to Mor, but the blonde was unfazed. Almost as if she was used to the hard, cold glare by now.

“All I’m say is it’s no big deal.” Nesta’s gaze turned back to Aelin. “You fucked up. The boy you like isn’t here. So what?”

“As much as I’m loving this talk-” Aelin’s anger and frustration were raising as she bent down to pick up her skating bag- “I need to get going.” She was  _not_  in the mood to have this conversation, least of all with strangers.

She planned to turn and walk away without another word, but it was Mor’s voice that stopped her.

“She’s right you know.”

Aelin glanced over her shoulder, finding Mor watching her with a gentle yet unyielding gaze.

“You’re a really good skater. Don’t let a guy, or anyone else, stop you from being your best.”

There was a short moment, where Aelin didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to respond. The words cut her deeper than she wanted to admit. But they didn’t understand. They were strangers. They didn’t know her.

With a small, forced smile, Aelin nodded.

“Thanks,” was all she said before she turned back around, finally leaving the bathroom.

She pulled opened the bathroom door and stepped outside, only to walk directly into someone else - someone who was standing way too close to the bathroom door for her to see or avoid.

“Whoa there.” A pair of strong hands reached out to steady her. “We have to stop meeting like this.”

“We have to stop meeting period,” she shot back, her frustration slowly starting to heat up again as she looked up at the hazel-eyed boy from earlier. “So when you’re not skating you spend your time stalking girls bathrooms? Pervert.”

He took a step back, eyebrow raised. “And here I was just about to wish you good luck.”

“I don’t need your luck.”

“Cassian,” a female’s voice spoke up, “leave the poor girl alone.”

A deep chuckle followed. “And stop flirting with her before Nesta comes out and sees you.”

Glancing behind Cassian, Aelin found a beautiful tall girl with golden-brown hair and stormy blue eyes. Next to her, a boy with black hair so dark it was blue and bright violet eyes.

It didn’t take her longer than a second to realize who they were.

“You’re Ferye and Rhysand, right?” She asked, causing them both to nod. “Congratulations on your win. You guys deserve it, you were amazing.”

She may have been irritated beyond belief, but Aelin appreciated good skating no matter what.

They both smiled, and Feyre started to open her mouth when Cassian snorted.

“Don’t tell them that, especially Rhys.”  He gave the couple a wicked smile. “It’ll go to his already-big head.”

“Like you’re one to talk,” Rhys rolled his eyes.

“If Az was here right now instead of off with Elain, he’d agree with me,” Cassian shot back.

“Oh,  _sure_  he would.”

“Ignore them, they’re children.” Feyre looked at Aelin, laughter shining in her eyes. “You’re Aelin right? I loved your short program.”

“I am, and thanks.” The words made her mouth feel dry. “But I should get going, my coaches are waiting for me.”

“Of course.” Feyre smiled with a nod of her head.

“Good luck,” Rhys added, wrapping an arm around Feyre’s shoulders as Aelin hoisted her bag further up her shoulder.

“Thanks,” She gave them one last nod before turning and walking away.

“Until we bang into each other again, Aelin,” she heard Cassian call out.

It was followed by Rhys’ laugh, as Aelin gave Cassian the finger behind her back.

The laughter and chatter faded around her as she made her way towards the dressing rooms. Aelin could feel the nerves start to bubble up again. She was going into this long program in 5th place. She had to beat one person - only one person. She could do this. She had this. She-

_“Don’t let a guy, or anyone else, stop you from being your best.”_

Mor’s words suddenly came back to her, hitting her like a punch in the stomach.

Nesta, Mor, Nehemia, they didn’t understand. Hell, she didn’t even understand. This feeling she got, knowing Rowan broke his promise to her, his promise to come watch her skate, it  _hurt_.

She didn’t  _want_  him to get in the way of her skating, he just  _did_.

Aelin sighed, trying to push back all thoughts of Rowan. But the damage was done.

He was completely and fully on her mind.

She tried not to think about it, she tried to push him out of her thoughts. But it was no good.

As she walked into the dressing room. As Uncle Orlon and Uncle Weylan talked to her about what she needed to remember during her long. As she did her warm up. As she smiled at Nehemia before watching her and Lysandra from the sidelines. As she checked her laces, make-up, and hair, he was on her mind. Always there. Always there, but never present.

Before she knew it, she was standing on the ice by the boards, waiting for her name to be called.

“Stand up straight, set everything up,” Weylan told her. “Pull in tight. Breathe through the jumps.”

“Do what you know,” Orlon added. “You know this routine. Skate it like you always do.”

Aelin nodded, her blades sliding on the surface as she got a feel for the ice. She only had enough time to take a deep breath before the announcer came over the speaker.

Then she was in her starting position as the crowd clapped and cheered. She let the feeling feed her, let it seep into her bones and blood as the music started.

She moved in time with the music, her arms floating in the air around her as her feet did the moves she knew all too well.

She pushed herself across the ice, flying, and gliding as she went. She breathed in the crisp air, the wind beating against her back as she set up her first jump.

She landed the triple lutz with ease, and the double toe on the end flawlessly.

It was only after she landed that she realized what she did.

She’d changed her triple-triple to a triple-double.

But she didn’t let that get to her. She didn’t let herself feel the frustration and disappointment as she continued on with her program, moving and floating as if nothing had changed.

But something  _had_  changed. And that irritation was bubbling just below the surface, whispering in the back of her mind. Always present.

Present as she spun around and around, pulling her leg above her head.

Present as she flew into her double axel, this time landing it beautifully.

Present as she slipped off the edge of her triple flip, causing her to make it a double.

She could hear the blood rushing in her ears as she pushed through her footwork. Normally, it was the energy from the crowd that fed her. Today, it was the anger she felt at herself.

She pulled out of her last spin as the music came to an end. And with that final bang, she nailed her ending pose, the crowd cheering.

Aelin took a deep breath in through her nose, calming her racing heart and easing the look off her face. She plastered a smile on her lips as she skated to the middle of the ice, taking her bow.

Her eyes immediately found Aedion, her parents, Uncle and Aunt, Connall and Vaughan. All of them were on their feet, smiling and cheering for her. Fenrys was even jumping up and down like an idiot as he called out to her.

The sight almost made her feel better.

But then her eyes drifted to Feyre and Rhys, who were also clapping for her. And an image of the look they gave each other at the end of their routine flashed in Aelin’s mind. The look of pure love.

As her eyes moved back to her friends and family, her heart completely shattered.

Because the one person she wanted to see most, the one person she wanted there for her, cheering her on, wasn’t there.

Rowan wasn’t there.


	13. “That’s our baby?”

Silence. All Aelin could hear was silence.

Well, besides the wind blowing past the car and the other cars on the road. But other then the sounds from the outside world, all she could hear was silence.

Neither she or Aedion spoke as they drove down the road. Aedion simply kept his eyes forward, never glancing over at her once. Even the radio was off, and neither one of them moved to turn it on.

It had been just over a week since Sectionals. Since Aelin skated her two worst skates in years. Also since Aedion had to watch a pregnant Lysandra skate. It had been weeks at that point since Lysandra told him she was pregnant. Since he found out he was going to be a father at eighteen.

So you could see why neither cousin was really in the mood to have a conversation.

Aelin sighed, turning to look out the window.

She didn’t ever want to think about Sectionals. Ever. If it was up to her, she’d push the thought far out of her mind. But sadly, she couldn’t. Uncle Weylan and Uncle Orlon didn’t let her. Especially Uncle Weylan. He brought it up at every practice, pushed her harder and harder because of what happened at Sectionals. It didn’t matter that she, somehow, managed to skate her way into 4th. It didn’t matter that she made it to Nationals. He still pushed her harder than he ever did before.

She  _had_  to do better at Nationals. She  _had_  to land that triple-triple. She  _had_  to.

But while she made it to Nationals, Nehemia and Lysandra weren’t so lucky.

Nehemia managed to finish the competition off in 6th place, but she honestly didn’t seem all that upset about it. She simply said she’d continue to work hard this season and try again next year. This was something Aelin had always admired about Nehemia, and always would.

But Lysandra… She didn’t fair so well. She finished in 10th place. To most, this was surprising. Lysandra usually rivaled Aelin when it came to competitions. But Aelin knew why. She could see it in the way Lysandra skated - how she half-heartedly did her jumps, how she turned the slightest bit green after her spins. Then there was the look in her eyes the whole time she skated her routine. The look of fear. Fear for her and Aedion’s unborn baby.

_Her and Aedion’s baby._

Aelin peeked over at her cousin. She took in his clenched jaw, pinched brows. The way his hands gripped the wheel, the tension in his body that had been there for weeks.

She knew he had yet to talk to Lysandra about their situation. She knew he was still thinking things over. But she hated it. She hated seeing her cousin and her best friend stressed and worried like this.

Aedion pulled the car into her driveway. It was Monday afternoon and he’d have to leave in an hour for hockey practice. But he told Aelin he could bring her home after Nehemia got called into work.

Just as he threw the car in park, Aelin took in a deep breath.

“You should talk to Lysandra.”

She knew she shouldn’t get involved. It was a serious situation that they needed to work out on their own. But she couldn’t help it. She couldn’t see either of them making the first move, so she’d make it for them.

Aedion’s hard gaze snapped towards hers as his lips formed a thin line.

“And you should talk to Rowan.”

It was a low blow and Aelin felt like she’d been punched in the gut.

She hadn’t spoken one word to Rowan since Sectionals. She still saw him at school, but she didn’t even spare him a second glance - she was too angry and upset with him. But what just added salt to the wound, was the fact Rowan also didn’t even try to reach out to her. He didn’t call or text, explaining why he didn’t show up. He didn’t approach her in the hallways. If they locked eyes, he’d simply give her the smallest smile before looking away. That was it.

She didn’t understand it. He had simply abandoned her with no explanation. And that hurt more than anything. More than she wanted to admit. Especially after the realization she had at Sectionals. The realization that maybe, just maybe, she wanted to be more than just friends with Rowan.

But she also didn’t want to think about how she wished they were maybe more. She didn’t want to think about how good Rowan looked when she woke up in his bed that morning. Or the look in his eyes when he comforted her later that day at the rink. A look of complete lust that still caused her stomach to knot.

But despite his words, Aelin didn’t back down from Aedion. She held his gaze for a moment longer before speaking, irritation and hurt flowing in her veins.

“You’ll have to talk to her sometime.”

“Same goes for Rowan.”

“We’re talking about two completely different situations right now,” Aelin bit back, cheeks flushed. But Aedion simply raised an eyebrow.

“Are we?”

Silence fell around them once more. The two cousin continued to stare one another down, unspoken words flying between them, as if they could see through the other’s eyes and feel how the other was feeling.

Aelin was the first to break the gaze. She let out a huff of air as she reached for the door handle.

“Fine.” Her voice was clipped as she stepped out of the car, turning back to Aedion once she was outside. “But just so you know, this isn’t easy for her either.”

Aelin closed the car door a bit harder than she meant to. But she couldn’t help it.

Marching up her driveway, Aelin was about halfway to her front door when she heard a car door slam behind her.

“You think I don’t know that?!”

Aelin paused before slowly turning around with wide eyes. The anger and frustration laced in Aedion’s voice, the volume at which he spoke - it completely threw her off guard. But there he stood before her, chest heavy and eyes deep with emotion. His cheeks were flushed and hands clenched as he met Aelin’s gaze.

“You think I don’t realize how  _hard_  this is?” He said, voice hard. “You think I don’t care? Or I don’t want to be there for her? Because,  _God_ ….”

He paused, taking a moment to close his eyes and take a breath. But Aelin didn’t dare say anything. She didn’t dare move.

Aedion’s gaze locked with hers again after a moment.

“She kept this from me. She didn’t tell me that she was… She knew for  _weeks_  and she didn’t even…” A pause as Aedion collected his thoughts. “I don’t even know if I’d know now if I hadn’t walked in and seen her holding the sonogram.”

Anger poured off Aedion with each word. Angry and hurt. Aelin could see it in his eyes.

“She made up her mind without me. She made her decision about  _everything_. And she didn’t even fucking talk to me about it first! It seems like she just assumed I’d walk away. That I’d leave her.” Aedion’s blazing gaze burned into Aelin’s. “And that fucking  _hurts_. That she thinks she has to make these decisions herself. That she thinks I’d leave her. But there was nothing I could say, nothing I could  _do_  because she made her choice. And I feel like I can’t even  _talk_  to her. Because apparently, it’s only her in this situation. It’s only herself she has to think about. Because she didn’t even tell me she was still skating at Sectionals, I had to find out from my  _mother_!

“Do you know how it felt, watching her out there?” He ground out between clenched teeth. “Do you understand how worried I was? How  _terrified_  I was watching her spin through the air, knowing she was carrying  _my baby_!” With each word, Aedion’s voice got louder and louder. “And she didn’t even bother to ask how I felt about her competing! She just did it anyways! I had to sit there and pray to every god out there that she wouldn’t fall, that nothing would happen to the baby. Because if that baby… If she fell….”

The silence that followed rung in the air around them. Aelin still found herself at a loss for words as Aedion stood there, chest rising and falling with each heavy breath.

“I love her.” His now quiet voice shook with the emotion. “But in that moment, watching her on the ice, I hated her. I hated her for competing. I hated her for not talking to me. I hated her for…. I hated her. And I hated myself for hating her. Because I… God damn it I love her.

“I’m pissed. I’m  _beyond_  angry. I hate Lysandra and I hate myself for hating her. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to punch something. I’m-” Aedion voice caught in his throat. “I’m  _terrified_. I’m…”

Aelin felt her heart break as Aedion’s whole body started to shake. It was as if the tension he’d been holding these past few weeks finally caught up with him. But what completely shattered her, was the tears that started to pool in his eyes.

“I’m going to be a  _dad_.”

Aedion’s voice broke on the last word, and Aelin fell apart with it. She dropped her backpack on the ground before running towards him, pulling him into her arms.

There was really nothing for her to say to him. This was something he and Lysandra had to deal with. Something they had to work out on their own. So Aelin did the only thing she could do in that moment.

She held on, tightening her arms around Aedion as he hugged her back.

“You should talk to Lysandra.” She said after a beat, repeating her words from earlier.

 Aedion pulled back, taking a breath, about to shake his head. But Aelin stopped him.

“Listen. I can’t tell you how Lys truly feels about all this,” she said. “I can’t tell you everything is going to be okay. But I can tell you, you need to  _talk_  to her. Because she cares about you  _so much_. And she wants you there, more than anything. You guys just have to  _talk_. You have to be there for her, whether she’s ready for you to be or not.”

The silence stretched on. Aelin could see Aedion having an internal debate with himself, weighing his options, trying to figure out what to do.

Maybe it was the fact that he finally got everything off his chest. But just as Aelin thought for sure he was going to walk away, Aedion slowly nodded his head.

——————–

Lysandra was feeling so overwhelmed, she felt ready to burst at the seams.

She was livid, miserable, skittish. She wanted to punch a wall and sob. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs while at the same time, she felt sick to her stomach.

Only half of these things were because of her baby.

Lysandra laid on top of the examination table, waiting for her doctor.  She couldn’t sit still. She kept twirling her thumbs or tapping her feet together, glancing nervously around the room.

She felt like killing Aelin.

It was bad enough she had to deal with basically everything else to do with this pregnancy alone. Her appointments were really the only time she had someone there for her. But apparently, something came up and Aelin couldn’t make it. Though Lysandra had no idea what could suddenly be so important on a Monday afternoon.

She really had no reason to be nervous, it was only an ultrasound. Nothing new. But being all alone in the room, it opened a wound in her heart as the sad realization hit her.

She was doing this alone.

They were into December now. It had been well over a month since she’d told Aedion she was pregnant. And he still had yet to speak to her. Hell, he wouldn’t even sit next to her at Sectionals.

Lysandra pushed that thought out of her mind as fast as it came. She didn’t want to think about Sectionals. It was a downright disaster. And she hated to admit it, but Aedion had been right. She shouldn’t have skated. She should’ve backed out. If she had fallen…

She shook the thought out of her head before it could completely form.

At this point, she just wished Aedion would tell her if he was leaving or not. It completely broke her heart to think of losing Aedion, but it was almost worse to be with him but not actually have him.

She wanted him to be there, more than anything. She wanted to wake up in the morning and walk downstairs to see him in the kitchen, their baby on his hip. She wanted him to teach their baby how to skate. She wanted him there for everything. For all of it.

But at that point, she didn’t think any of it was going to happen.

Releasing a heavy sigh, Lysandra leaned back against the uncomfortable hospital pillow as tears slowly started to form in her eyes.

She hated pregnancy hormones.

The door to the room suddenly started to open. Lysandra quickly sat up, wiping away a single tear as Dr. Yrene Towers walked in.

She smiled at Lysandra as she walked farther into the room. If she noticed the tear, she didn’t say anything, which Lysandra was grateful for.

“Hello Lysandra,” Dr. Towers said as she sat down next to the bed, preparing everything for the ultrasound. “How have you been?”

Lysandra put on her best smile, hoping it didn’t look as fake as it felt. She chatted with the doctor for a few moments as she continued preparing everything for the ultrasound.

“So-” Dr. Towers gave her a friendly smile as Lysandra rolled up her shirt, “ -I think this is the first time I’ve seen you without your friend.”

Lysandra felt her smile start to fall, but she forced it to stay on her lips.

“Yeah,” she said softly. “Something came up suddenly so she couldn’t make it.”

“Mmm.” Dr. Towers squirted the cold jelly on Lysandra’s belly as she spoke. “Going solo today then. Don’t worry, it’s not so bad.”

Lysandra knew it was a light-hearted joke. She knew her doctor was just being friendly. But her words hurt more than Lysandra wanted to admit.

Dr. Towers turned back to the monitor. She had just started to slowly move around the ultrasound on Lysandra’s belly when the door to the room opened.

Lysandra’s head snapped towards the sound, and she swore her heart stopped dead in her chest.

Aedion quietly closed the door behind him. His hair was thrown back in a messy bun, cheeks flushed. His chest was rising and falling slightly as if he ran the whole way there.

His eyes went right to Lysandra, and the only thing she could do was stare right back. Her eyes were wide with surprise as her heart started to pound against her ribcage.

“Hi,” he said softly, almost like he was afraid to talk too loud.

Lysandra watched him take one, two, three careful steps into the room. It was like he was waiting for her to yell and kick him out. But with each second that passed where she didn’t say anything, Aedion walked farther into the room.

“What are you doing here?” Her mind finally managed to form some words as her wide eyes stayed on him.

“Aelin,” he said, stopping a few steps away from her side. That was answer enough for both of them.

Lysandra didn’t know what to say, what to do. She didn’t know what to make of Aedion showing up to her doctor’s appointment. She just… she couldn’t think straight at the moment.

Damn pregnancy brain.

“I take it you’re the father,” Dr. Towers spoke up suddenly, glancing over at Aedion with a friendly smile.

There was a hesitant pause before Aedion said, “I am.”

Lysandra’s piercing green gaze snapped to his. She could feel the tears slowly start to form in her eyes again, but they didn’t fall.

She looked up at Aedion, her heart feeling ready to burst in her chest. There were a million and one questions she wanted to ask him. Things she wanted to know. And he must have seen that when his gaze met hers. Because he simply gave her the smallest smile before mouthing “later.”

“Well, the baby seemed to be playing hide-and-seek a minute ago, but I finally got it.” Dr. Towers turned the monitor for both Lysandra and Aedion to see. Within the black and white image, Dr. Towers pointed to the middle. “There’s your baby.”

Lysandra’s heart leaped with joy and love like it always did when she saw the picture of her baby. But it leaped even higher when she heard Aedion’s soft intake of breath as he took a step closer to the table, to her.

“And this - ” Dr. Towers spoke before anyone could say anything, hitting a button that caused Lysandra’s favourite sound in the world to fill the room “ - is the heartbeat.”

“Wow,” Aedion breathed.

Lysandra tore her gaze away from the monitor to look up at him. The look on his face, the love shining through his eyes as he stared at the image of their baby, listening to the heartbeat, it caused Lysandra’s heart to swell.

Feeling her gaze on him, Aedion turned to Lysandra. A hesitant smile played on his lips. He flexed his fingers, as if having an internal debate, before he reached forward and he took Lysandra’s hand in his.

“That’s our baby?”

Lysandra didn’t think her heart could grow any bigger. But hearing those words leaving Aedion’s lips, seeing the look in his eyes, it broke her. It broke her in the most beautiful and loving way.

A single tear rolled down her cheek as she returned the smile.

“That’s our baby.”

——————–

Rowan didn’t fully understand how he knew she’d be there. He just did. And he was right.

He stood there, just behind the line tree, watching as her feet moved to the steps she seemed to know all too well. There was no music, just the sound of her blades carving up the icy surface and the bitter winter wind blowing through the air.

Just standing there, watching her, pulled at his heart.

A heavy sigh blew from his lips as Aelin stopped suddenly, before starting the routine all over again. She had yet to realize he was there and Rowan found himself wishing she’d just  _look_  at him.

It had been just over a week since they talked last. Since Rowan promised he’d go to Sectionals but didn’t.

Guilt and hurt slammed into him like a train at the thought

He really wished he could blame all of it on Aelin. He wished more than anything that he could say it was all her fault. But it wasn’t.

It wasn’t her fault she was such an amazingly beautiful and strong woman for whom he’d give anything to see smile.

Really, everything between them could easily be fixed. The quick glances in the hallway, the silence, the hurt they were both feeling, it could all be fixed. All Rowan had to do was apologize. Go up to her and say he was sorry, explain what happened.

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to. Because explaining what happened, explaining why he didn’t keep his promise to her, that would be admitting something he didn’t know if he was ready to admit.

It would be saying he was ready to move on. And just the thought alone scared the hell out of him.

_“Find happiness again, Rowan.”_

Lyria’s last words to him filled his head. He always thought that he would never be able to find happiness. Not without forgetting Lyria in the process. How could she ask that of him? How could he go through with it?

Then he met Aelin. And now, Rowan saw his happiness almost every day. He just couldn’t reach out and touch it. He couldn’t bring himself to let go of his old happiness to hold on to this new one.

But, as Rowan sat on his bed all afternoon, looking at the picture of him and Lyria, a thought hit him.

Was holding on really fair to Lyria?

Rowan watching as Aelin restarted the routine once again, lost in her skating. It was entirely captivating, watching her arms waving gracefully in the air as she twirled and leaped. Watching as she pulled off every jump and spin effortlessly. It was something Rowan didn’t think he’d ever get tired of watching.

“Those judges must have been blind.”

He spoke before he even realized what he was doing. But he couldn’t help it. He needed to say something. He couldn’t stand behind the trees all night.

Aelin froze mid-routine. It was as if a magic spell had been broken as she slowly turned around to face him.

Her blonde hair was windswept, slowly falling out of its ponytail. Her cheeks were flushed from the bitter cold while her chest heaved slightly.

He couldn’t help but notice the hard and guarded look that took over her face. He also couldn’t help but notice the way his heart stung to see that look directed at him. But he kept his own face cool.

“To place you in 4th when you skate like that,” he continued, the smallest smile pulling on his lips, “they’re either blind or stupid.”

He didn’t know what was wrong with him. He knew he shouldn’t have said that. He shouldn’t have bought up Sectionals. Hurt and anger poured off of her in waves, but she kept her chin high. Her eyes were cold as she regarded him.

“I didn’t skate this routine at Sectionals.” Her voice was clipped as she spoke. She didn’t so much as glance over at Rowan as she skated towards the bench. But her unspoken words hung in the air between them.

_You’d know that if you were there._

Any words Rowan could have said fell away because none of them would make her unspoken ones any less true.

A silence fell around them that was colder than the winter wind blowing around them. Rowan watched, hands stuffed in his pockets, as Aelin quickly worked on her skates without looking at him.

He should have been used to hateful gazes at that point. Hell, that was how they looked at each other on a daily basis when they first met. But now, those glares hurt more than he’d like to admit. But what killed him the most, was the pain. The pain that was always there in her eyes, if you looked close enough. A pain that was now because of him.

Aelin shoved her feet into her boots before standing up, as Rowan took in a deep breath.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. But Aelin didn’t so much as look over at him.

“It’s fine.” The hardness in her voice and tension in her shoulders said otherwise. But Rowan didn’t have a chance to comment. Aelin simply threw her bag over her shoulder before finally glancing at him. The coldness in her eyes hit him like a punch to the gut. “Something clearly came up. No big deal.”

They both knew it  _was_  a big deal.

Taking a short breath in through her nose, Aelin turned on her heel. She started to walk away from the pond without another word.

Rowan felt his heart start to rip open.

He didn’t want her to walk away.

“It was Lyria’s birthday.”

He said the words so softly, he wasn’t even sure Aelin heard him. He thought they were lost in the wind. But Aelin stopped. There was a quiet beat as she carefully turned around. The anger in her eyes seemed to melt away, but the pain was still there.

“It was Lyria’s birthday that Saturday. The day of Sectionals,” Rowan explained with a heavy sigh. “And I… I didn’t even realize it,” Rowan trailed off.

He slowly walked over to the bench at the edge of the pond, sitting down on the cold wood. He heard Aelin take a few steps forward. She came to a stop at the bench, but didn’t sit down.

“I woke up that morning with the full intention to watch you at Sectionals,” he spoke up after a long moment of silence. “But then it randomly hit me. That it was Lyria’s birthday. And I just…  _couldn’t_.” He knew he didn’t need to explain it fully, not to Aelin. With another sigh, he continued. “I spent the day here, on this pond. Skating to try and clear my head. To try and rid some of the… guilt I felt.”

Aelin stepped forward and sat on the bench next to him, dropping her bag on the ground.

“I couldn’t believe I forgot,” Rowan said softly. “And it scared me that I forgot. Because I feel like I forget a little more of her every day. But, what scared me the most was that for a few minutes after I realized what day it was, I was still willing to go to Sectionals.” Rowan turned to meet Aelin’s wide-eyed gaze. “It was her birthday and I still wanted to go to Sectionals. I still wanted to watch the competition. I still wanted to see  _you_.”

The wind blew a few strands of Aelin’s hair around her face. But neither of them moved. They simply sat there, hearts wide open, gazes locked. Rowan felt like he was drowning in all of the emotion shining through Aelin’s eyes, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away.

He felt a pull in his chest as Aelin took in a breath through her nose, eyes closed. A moment later, she turned to look out at the frozen pond.

“The routine I was skating, I made it for Sam. Just days after he was killed,” she explained, voice low and soft. “I’ve never shown it to anyone. It’s not even finished. I can’t… I can’t come up with the right ending. But whenever I skate it, I feel closer to him somehow. I feel like, when I land a jump, he’ll be right there. Watching and smiling, like it always was.” She let out a shaky breath, eyes glossy. “This is the first year I’ve ever competed without him by my side.”

Rowan moved closer to Aelin without much of a second thought. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him as she rested her head on his shoulder.

Two broken halves of a soul, holding on to each other.

They sat there for a while, the sky slowly growing darker around them, the air getting colder. But they didn’t move. They stayed there on the cold bench, holding on.

“I really am sorry,” Rowan spoke up finally, breaking the silence.

Aelin just shook her head lightly, releasing a heavy sigh.

“It’s fine.” That time there was no coldness in her voice. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I was just…” She trailed off before shifting on the bench so she could sit straighter, and looked Rowan in the eyes. “Just know you have nothing to feel guilty about Rowan. You could  _never_  forget Lyria. But, the worst thing you can do to her right now is not live your life.”

Rowan held Aelin’s gaze, the warmth and light that shined through her eyes was mesmerizing. It took his breath away how strong Aelin truly was. After everything she’d been through, after such a horrible thing to happen in her life, she just held onto the light.

“He’d be so proud of you,” Rowan breathed. “For everything you’ve accomplished. For how strong you are. He’d be so proud.”

Aelin’s only response was the smallest smile pulling on the corner of her lips. She turned her head to look back out at the pond, a far away look in her eyes. She stayed like that for a moment, before she looked back at Rowan.

“They’d want us to be happy, right? They’d want us to find happiness.”

Her question was innocent enough, gentle even. But Rowan felt his heart start to race.

_“Find happiness again, Rowan.”_

He didn’t respond for a long time. He couldn’t find the words within himself. But he could feel the air shift between them, his stomach twisting.

Because Aelin was right. They would want them to be happy. And he couldn’t be happy holding onto Lyria forever.

The realization hit him like a slap in the face.

“They would.”

His voice was rough as he spoke. And by the look in Aelin’s eyes, she noticed the shift between them too.

Rowan could feel his heart start to race, blood rushing in his ears as he stared down at Aelin. As he looked at this beautiful, fearless woman sitting next to him. And he knew, in that moment, that he truly did find his happiness.

And he realized, with a jolt, that Lyria would have truly liked Aelin.

Neither of them spoke as Rowan found his gaze wandering towards Aelin’s lips. Then it slowly traveled back up to her eyes, and his heart leaped at the sight of her also staring at his lips.

Aelin met his gaze once more, sitting up a bit straighter. Everything else around them seemed to vanish. Rowan couldn’t even register the wind biting at his skin. And it was only when he could feel Aelin’s breath on his face that he realized how close he’d gotten to her.

“Rowan.” She said his name like a question, a statement, a plea, a prayer, all in one.

He responded by closing the gap between them, their lips finally meeting.

Rowan felt like all his senses suddenly got dialed up to ten. He felt like he was on fire as he pulled Aelin close. She melted into his arms as if that was where she was meant to be. Her hands slowly made their way up his shoulders, across his neck, before finding their way in his hair. As if it was possible, she pulled herself closer to him.  
  
Rowan let his tongue graze her lower lip, and the moan that left Aelin as she opened her mouth to him sent a jolt through his body. God, he could listen to that sound all day.  
  
He wanted to take her then and there. To push her back against the wooden bench and run his hands all over her body. But he knew he couldn’t.  
  
Pulling away slightly, Rowan rested his forehead against Aelin’s. Both of them were panting slightly as Rowan watched Aelin, her eyes closed.  
  
Finally, she opened them and Rowan felt like he was knocked off his feet by all of the emotion in her blue-gold eyes.  
  
“Rowan?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
The gold in Aelin’s eyes seemed to glow brighter. “I think I found some happiness.”  
  
For the first time in a long time, Rowan allowed a true smile to grace his lips.  
  
“I think I did too.”


	14. She was simply someone who loved skating.

Aelin didn’t really think twice when Rowan messaged her a few weeks later, one Sunday morning, telling her to dress comfortably for their date. She also didn’t put much thought into it when she asked him what, exactly, his definition of “comfortably” was, and he responded with leggings and a sweater. But she was slightly disappointed she didn’t have to dress up for the evening.

She did, however, raise an eyebrow later that day when Rowan messaged her again, just moments after she’d gotten dressed.

_Be there in 5. And make sure you have your skates._

At first, she thought it was a joke. He couldn’t seriously be taking her skating on her day off. The only day off she’d have for a long time.

Practice had been … rough lately. With Nationals coming up in just over a month, and with Aelin  _still_ yet to land her triple-triple, she normally left practice in a sour mood. Uncle Weylan said she needed all the practice she could get. So over Christmas break, they were having practice for hours on end every day. If she didn’t land her triple-triple by New Years, they were taking it out of her program.

But sure enough, when Aelin messaged Rowan “ _seriously buzzard?_ ” he came back with “ _seriously fireheart._ ”

So despite the fact that Aelin  _really_  wasn’t in the mood for skating at the moment, she made sure to have her skates with her.

“The rink?” She questioned as she climbed out of Rowan’s car. “I figured you’d be taking me to the pond when you told me to bring my skates.”

“I was going to,” Rowan looked at her from over the car, “But I figured a heated rink would be better.”

Aelin pulled her hat down over her ears as if proving Rowan’s point.

A heated stadium was definitely a better idea, seeing as Aelin was already frozen to the bone.

“So we’re going family skating?” Aelin followed Rowan as he walked to the trunk of his car. But even as she said the words, she realized there wasn’t a single car besides his in the parking lot.

“I also didn’t take us to the pond because more and more people have been using it lately.” Rowan turned to her with a sly smile. “I wanted this to be just the two of us.”

The weight of Rowan’s words caused her to look up at him with surprised eyes.

“You rented out the stadium?”

The grin on Rowan’s face grew as he handed Aelin her skating bag before grabbing his own hockey bag.

“A hockey player and figure skater couple who’ve never even skated together before.” Rowan slammed the truck shut, turning to Aelin. “That sounds terrible.”

“It’s a disaster.” Aelin couldn’t stop the smile from growing wide on her lips.

Rowan reached for her hand and together they walked into the completely silent rink. The smooth, carved-free ice glistened before them, begging to be skated on.

Aelin didn’t even bother to hide her giddiness as she and Rowan sat down on the bleachers, opening up their bags.

Just a few moments before, she wasn’t looking forward to getting on the ice. She was burned out from weeks and weeks of practice. But, as she tied up her skates next to Rowan, she couldn’t help but feel a sudden burst of energy. Of excitement.

He rented out the rink so they’d have the time, just the two of them. So they could do what they loved with the person they deeply cared about.

Aelin felt like her heart was going to swell out of her chest.

She could hear Rowan chuckle behind her as she all but jumped off the bleachers, pulling off her skate guards as fast as she could before stepping out onto the ice.

She let herself pick up some speed before she started swaying back and forth, the edges of her blades cutting into the ice. Just the sound caused her to close her eyes as a grin spread on her lips.

A breeze blew past her just a moment later, causing her eyes to fly open.

Rowan was just a few feet away, gliding backward so he was facing her. He was watching her, eyes bright as he pushed his feet slightly to keep himself moving. His eyes studied her for a long moment, raking up and down her body. Just that simple look caused a shiver to run down her spine. But then his eyes snapped back to her, his lips slowly pulling up at the corners.

“Well,” he said, a daring look in his eyes, “are you ready to take on a hockey player,  _twirl girl_?”

If it had come from anyone else’s lips, Aelin would have snarled at them. But it was Rowan, and there was a look a pure glee in his eyes. She couldn’t help but laugh as she skated closer to him.

“As if that would be a challenge,” she smirked, leaning in closer to Rowan as they continued to slowly glide around the rink. “I can skate circles around you.”

“Is that so?”

Aelin could feel Rowan’s breath caress her cheeks. She was just millimeters from his lips at that point, and she wanted nothing more than to close the gap between them. Based on the way Rowan’s eyes flicked to her lips, he wanted that too.

But Aelin used it to her advantage.

Just as her lips brushed his, her touch light as a feather, she flipped backwards, doing a quick three turn around Rowan before skating on ahead of him.

“See,” she turned to face Rowan, her hair blowing in her face. She found him watching her, the slightest look of disbelief on his face as she twirled her finger in the air. “Circles.”

The shock on Rowan’s face quickly disappeared, a spark appearing in his eyes. He didn’t waste any time while picking up speed, racing towards her. Aelin couldn’t suppress her squeal as she turned back around, skating as fast as she could.

Rowan caught up to Aelin in no time. He quickly grabbed her by the waist, using his own speed to push her faster across the ice while Aelin tried to wiggle free. The whole time, the sound of their skates and Aelin’s laugh rang off the rafters.

She couldn’t remember the last time she felt this free while on the ice. She couldn’t remember the last time she stepped into the rink and didn’t feel some kind of pressure. She always had jumps to learn, spins to perfect. She always had her Uncles on the sidelines, coaching her. She always had people judging her, whether it was at practice or at a competition.

But not that day. Today, it was just her and Rowan. Today day, she didn’t have Uncle Weylen telling her to pull in tight on a jump and Uncle Orlon counting her rotations for a spin.

For just that little while, she wasn’t a competitive skater. She was simply someone who loved skating.

Flipping in Rowan’s arms, Aelin kissed him. And even though it was light, just her lips brushing across his, she still felt breathless.

“Thank you,” she breathed, her gaze locking with his.

He took a moment to simply look at her, his own gaze open and raw, before placing a kiss on her lips.

“Anything for you.”

A small smile started to tug on her lips at his words, laughter and life taking over her face.

“Mmm,” she hummed, pushing herself away from Rowan. “You shouldn’t have said that. God only knows what I’ll make you do now.”

Rowan’s deep chuckle was the only response before Aelin took off again, Rowan right behind her.

The continued to skate around the rink, relaxed and carefree. They raced after each other, their laughs filling the space around them as pure happiness poured off the both of them. They continued that war until they were both breathless. And it was only when Aelin rested by the boards for a moment that Rowan disappeared off the ice, opening the zamboni gate.

“Oh of course.” She couldn’t help but laugh as Rowan pulled one of the hockey nets onto the ice. That laughter died, however, as Rowan skated up to her with two sticks, handing one to her.

“You know how to play?” Rowan asked, handing her a stick.

Aelin couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “Of course I know how to play.”

“But can you play  _well_?”

Aelin’s piercing gaze snapped to Rowan’s. She found his eyes swimming with laughter.

“Another challenge, Buzzard?” She took off her hat and jacket, leaving her in just her sweater and leggings as she pulled her hair into a ponytail. “You’re going down.”

“We’ll see, Fireheart.” Rowan replied, lips twisting in the corner.

Aelin took a stick from him, skating towards the middle of the ice. Rowan followed after her, pulling a puck out of his jean pocket. Aelin bent over, gripping her stick tightly, and Rowan got ready to drop the puck.

Aelin met his gaze for a moment, and he sent her a wink before dropping the puck. Right in front of his stick.

Rowan took off towards the net as Aelin cursed at him. She wasted to time in skating after him, the wind whipping her hair behind her.

They fought and laughed over the puck. If it were an actual game of hockey, they both would have been kicked off the ice long before. They simply chased each other around the rink, both getting their chance to make some shots on the net as time flew by. Eventually, Aelin had dropped her stick and starting doing random spins and jumps while Rowan took some slap shots on the net.

She moved and glided across the ice, like she was as light as a feather. She felt weightless as she threw herself in the air, as she twirled around and around. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d skated without feeling like the weight of the world was resting on her shoulders.

She missed the feeling.

Aelin skated down the middle of the ice. She stuck her foot out in front of her, turning backwards before pulling off a flawless triple flip-double toe.

She landed with a grin on her lips, only to turn and find Rowan watching her with the smallest smile, his eyes bright in the rink lights.

“That jump looks familiar,” he said, putting his stick on top of the net.

Immediately, Aelin thought back to that day, oh so long ago, where she did that jump in front of Rowan and the whole hockey team. Back then, she did it to show off. Now, she did it because she was having fun.

“That was the first time I ever saw you skate,” Rowan continued, skating towards her.

“And what did you think?” Aelin asked, a sly smile on her lips.

Rowan laughed, his eyes holding a teasing glint. “That you were a show off. Amongst other things.”

Aelin opened her mouth to argue with him. But Rowan simply raised an eyebrow at her, causing her jaw to snap shut.

He was right, after all. But Aelin would never admit that out loud.

“That jump you’re having trouble with, the triple-triple,” Rowan said suddenly. “Can you do it for me right now?”

Aelin was slightly taken aback by his request. She crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow at him.

“You just want to see me fall on my ass,” she teased. But Rowan didn’t laugh or smile back at her. He simply shook his head.

“Show me,” he said again, skating backwards towards the boards.

A sigh left Aelin’s lips as she tightened her ponytail. She knew there was no use in arguing with Rowan at that point. So she decided to amuse him, just the once. If he wanted to see her fall on her ass, fine. She’d get him back for it later anyways.

Picking up speed, Aelin skated up and around the ice. She flipped backwards, her whole body going taut as she set up the jump. She managed to pull off the triple lutz, no problem. But she came down too soon on the triple toe. Her blades hit the ice, sliding out from under her, causing her to fall directly on the ice.

Aelin pushed herself up with a heavy sigh.

“See?” She brushed off her hip and butt. “Flat on my ass. Just like I said… What?”

When she lifted her gaze, she found Rowan watching her with a calculated look. His head was tilted to the side slightly as he narrowed his brows at her.

“You didn’t do it like the other jump,” he said, causing Aelin to raise an eyebrow at him.

“Because it’s a different jump?”

“I mean, smart ass, you didn’t go into it with the same mindset as when you did the other jump,” he said, explaining himself when he saw confusion take over Aelin’s face. “The minute I asked you to do the triple-triple you locked up. You already looked defeated. With all the other jumps you’ve been doing today, you pulled them off without a second thought.”

“Because I can do them without a second thought,” Aelin said. “I’ve been landing most of those jumps for years now. They’re easy, like second nature. They’re-”

“Fun?”

Aelin’s gaze locked with Rowan’s, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips as he skated towards her.

“Have fun with this, Aelin.” His voice was soft as he spoke. “Don’t do that jump to win Nationals or because your Uncles want you to. Do it with that smile on your face, the one you’ve been wearing all afternoon. Do it because it’s  _fun_.”

Aelin stood there for a few moments, thinking over his words. She closed her eyes before letting out a breath through her nose, nodding her head.

After placing a kiss on her forehead, Rowan backed up to the boards again. Aelin took a moment to collect herself before skating up the ice again.

She tried to listen to Rowan. She tried not to let her body tighten up before she did the jump. She tried to have fun with it. She  _tried_. But she still fell on her triple toe. Every time.

She was getting frustrated. The carefree feeling she’d had since she stepped on the ice slowly started to fade. And Rowan must have noticed it too.

“Just one more,” he said to her as she pushed herself off the ice once more.

Fighting the urge to roll her eyes at him, Aelin let out a breath. She skated up and down the ice once more, speeding up.

She turned backwards, setting up the jump. She could feel her muscles starting to lock up. But at the last moment, her eyes met Rowan’s, and their whole afternoon on the ice flashed before his green eyes. The sly smiles shared between them, her laughter filling the air, his deep chuckles in her ear. It all washed over her.

The minute she stuck her toepick in the ice, the smallest smile graced her lips.

Aelin landed the triple lutz before digging her toe back into the ice. She enjoyed the wind blowing past her as she spun through the air. And before she knew it, she was back on the ground. Her blade wobbled under her as she bent forward, her fingers grazing the ice. But she managed to push herself up, holding on her landed position.

For the longest while, the only thing she could hear was her hard breathing and the blood rushing in her ears.

Then she came to a sudden stop.

She just landed her triple-triple.

The reality of what had happened came crashing into Aelin like a train. Her head snapped towards Rowan, who was watching with so much love and adoration on his face that it caused her heart to flip.

She couldn’t stop the giant grin from forming on her lips as she skated towards him as fast as she could.

“Oh my  _God_!” She squealed, jumping into Rowan’s arms. She kicked her feet behind her, so as not to cut him with her blades, as he glided back against the boards. “I landed it!”

Rowan chuckled as he brought his strong arms around Aelin’s waist. “Yes, you did.”

Aelin planted a kiss on Rowan’s lips before pulling back. She felt like her smile was going to break her face as she looked into his eyes.

_I love you._

The words were right there, hitting her like a slap in the face. They were right on the tip of her tongue. She wanted to say them more than ever before. But she couldn’t. She didn’t know if it was too soon or not. She didn’t know if it was just an “in the moment” thing. So she kept those words locked up in her heart as she took a deep breath.

“Thank you,” she said instead.

“I didn’t do anything,” Rowan said with a shake of his head. But Aelin just gave him another kiss.

“Thank you,” she repeated. Because she couldn’t say the words she oh so desperately wanted to say.

That time, it was Rowan who leaned forward. He captured her lips with his before setting her back on her skates, resting his forehead against hers.

“Anything for you.”

——————–

Rowan sat next to Aelin on the bleachers. He kept his gaze on her, watching as she worked on taking off her skates. There was a trace of a smile on her lips, as if it had been there so long it was hard to get rid of it. Just that sight alone caused Rowan’s heart to swell.

She deserved this. She deserved to be happy all the time. She deserved to be carefree, have no worries. She didn’t deserve all the pain and hurt she’d been through these past few years.

Neither of them did.

But despite their broken hearts, despite all the heartache they’d been through, they had somehow managed to find each other. They somehow managed to smile and be happy again.

They were helping each other heal.

“Would ever skate the routine you made for Sam at Nationals?”

He didn’t mean to blurt it out like that. He didn’t mean to catch her off guard like he did. But it was something that had been on his mind for a while now. And seeing Aelin finally land that jump, seeing that look of pure excitement and happiness on her face, he couldn’t stop himself from bringing it up.

Aelin’s fingers froze on her laces, her blue-gold gaze lifted to his.

“What?” Her voice was soft, slightly confused. But there was no anger in her gaze. No indication that she was going to shut him down. Her gaze was open, raw.

It seemed to take a moment for his words to fully sink in.

She took a breath. “I don’t know. No one but you has ever seen the routine. Why? Do you think I should?”

Rowan didn’t answer right away. He simply held her gaze, carefully trying to think of his next set of words.

“I can’t tell you what to do. All I know is that it’s an amazing routine. You look at peace when you skate it, as if it’s effortless. The same way you looked today out on that ice. But,” a pause. “I’ve never met Sam, yet I’m sure he’d be proud of you. No matter what routine you skate.”

What Rowan didn’t say was he thought skating that routine, it would help her heal. Not completely, never completely, but heal nevertheless. He didn’t say that watching her skate that routine was like watching her tell a story. Like she was painting a picture on the ice.

Watching her skate that routine was heartbreaking and breathtaking all at once.

For the longest moment, Aelin didn’t say anything. She simply looked back out at the ice. Her brows were pinched together in thought. She was quiet for so long in fact, Rowan thought for sure she wasn’t going to say anything at all.

Then much to Rowan’s shock, she turned to him with the smallest, bittersweet smile.

“Can I take you somewhere?”

That’s how Rowan found himself driving down a narrow dirt road before it opened up into a space big enough to be considered a decent size parking lot, with a beautiful iron gate at the end.

Even before he looked passed the gate, Rowan knew where they were.

Aside from giving the directions, Aelin didn’t say much on the drive here. And now was no exception. She climbed out of the car in silence. The evening wind blowing her hair over her shoulder.

Rowan didn’t speak himself. He simply walked over to Aelin and took her hand in his, giving it a squeeze. Her gaze lifted to him, and he swore he saw the slightest bit of hesitation.

_You don’t have to do this._

His gaze locked with hers. But Aelin simply shook her head, as if she knew what he was trying to tell her. Maybe she really did.

Taking a shaky breath, Aelin started forward, Rowan never leaving her side.

They walked through the iron gate. Snow crunching under their feet was the only sound. With his hand still in hers, Rowan let Aelin gently lead him through the graveyard. They walked passed a number of different headstones, before slowly coming to a stop.

A headstone rested just a few feet ahead of them. A headstone that said:

_Sam Cortland_

_Beloved_

Neither made a move for the longest moment. They both simply stared at the headstone in front of them. Until Aelin looked up at Rowan with wide eyes.

“Can I have a moment?” Her voice was quiet and gentle, as if she was afraid of disturbing the peace.

Rowan didn’t need to think twice before nodding his head.

He took a few, respectful steps backwards. Giving Aelin the space she needed. He watched as she slowly walked towards Sam’s grave, her head bowed low. He watched as she knelt into the snow, one hand on the headstone. If she was saying anything, she was speaking too softly for even the wind to hear.

While Aelin spoke with Sam, Rowan couldn’t help but think of Lyria. It had been months since he was last at her grave. And though he was slowly learning to be happy again, happy with Aelin, he still wished he could go to Lyria’s resting place.

But he couldn’t. So Rowan looked up at the sky instead. The sunset slowly disappearing over the trees. He took in a breath of bitter winter air, closing his eyes as he spoke out to Lyria, hoping she could hear him.

_I miss you every day. And even though I’m happy again, I’ll never forget you._

“Rowan.”

With his eyes slowly opening, Rowan found Aelin now standing before the grave, facing him.

With careful steps, he walked over, stopping next to her.

“This is Rowan,” She said gently. But she wasn’t looking at him. She was looking at Sam. “It turns out, he’s not as annoying and irritating as I told you before. Or maybe he is and I’ve just gotten used to it.”

Rowan felt the smallest smile pull on his lips as Aelin lifted her gaze from the headstone to look at him. Her own smile graced her face as she reached for his hand.

“He’s good to me,” She continued, voice softer than before as she looked back at the headstone. “He makes me smile and laugh. And today, he reminded me how much fun skating is. How much I love it. Something I thought I forgot after you…. after I lost you.” There was a pause as Aelin took a breath, her eyes glossy. “I care about him a lot. And I think, I think you would have liked him too.”

Rowan felt his heart swell in his chest. Aelin’s glossy eyes turned to him once more, and Rowan couldn’t help but wrap an arm around her shoulders. He pulled her close, placing a kiss on her forehead.

They stood there like that for the longest moment. Rowan holding onto Aelin as she stared at Sam’s headstone.

“Would you mind if I had a moment?”

If Aelin was surprised by his request, she didn’t show it. She simply nodded her head before kneeling in front of Sam’s headstone again. She placed a hand on it, saying a soft goodbye before turning and giving Rowan a moment alone.

He didn’t really have anything to say. He didn’t have a big speech in mind. He just knew he had to say  _something_.

He closed his eyes for a moment, paying respects to the young taken too soon. Because it wasn’t fair. What happened to Lyria and what happened to Sam. And all Rowan could do was pray. Pray that Lyria, Sam, and everyone else taken too soon were happy. He had to believe they were. He had to believe they were in a place where there was no pain or sadness.

Opening his eyes, Rowan knelt before Sam’s grave. He placed a hand lightly on the headstone and promised the one thing he knew he would keep.

“I’ll make sure she’s happy.”

He stayed there for a moment longer, hand on the rough rock, before standing. He quickly said a goodbye before walking towards Aelin.

They didn’t say anything as they walked back out of the graveyard, the fading sun now casting a blue tint on the earth around them.

It was only when they were standing next to the car that Rowan stopped. Aelin turned to face him, a questioning look in her eyes. But Rowan simply put his hand on her chin, placing a tender kiss on her lips.

“Thank you for bringing me here,” he breathed once he pulled away.

“It felt right,” was her response.

Wrapping her arms around his waist, Aelin held onto Rowan. She rested her ear right above his heartbeat as his arms circled around her, pulling her close.

“I’d like to take you to see Lyria some day,” Rowan broke the silence around them after a moment. “If that’s okay with you.”

“It’s more than okay.” Aelin said. She stood up on her tiptoes, placing her own kiss on Rowan’s lips. But when she pulled away, her gaze shifted back to the graveyard. As if she was having a silent conversation with someone.

“I’m going to skate Sam’s routine.” Aelin’s gaze cut back to Rowans, the gold in her eyes burning bright. “I need to finish it. Plus talk to Uncle Weylan and Uncle Orlon but, I’m going to skate the routine.” A ghostly smile appeared on her lips. “In memory of him.”

Rowan responded by pulling Aelin back into his embrace, placing a cherished kiss on her forehead.

“He’d be so proud of you,” he whispered into her hair.

“I know.”

“And he’ll be there with you, when you skate that routine.”

Aelin breathed. “I know.”

“And so will I.”

Pulling back slightly, Aelin’s eyes found their way back to his. And Rowan knew, the love that was swimming in her eyes was mirrored in his own.

“I know.”


	15. It was just the three of them against the world.

“Absolutely not.”

“Coach Weylan-”

“We are  _not_  changing your routine with just a month before Nationals.  _No_.”

Honestly, that was a pretty tame reaction compared to the one Aelin thought she would get. Weylan hadn’t thrown anything across the ice at least, so that was a plus.

She had expected resistance. She knew she couldn’t just step on the ice, tell her Uncles she was doing a whole new routine for Nationals, and be done with it. She knew her Uncles - Uncle Weylan wasn’t going to have it.

The hard part wasn’t telling them, it was convincing them.

Though she still wouldn’t call getting yelled at an ideal way to stay an early morning practice.

“We have been working on this routine for a year and a half now,” Uncle Weylan continued. His eyes were stern as they pinned Aelin in place. “We have this routine down  _perfectly_. And you want to throw all of that away?!”

“I’ve been working on  _this_  routine for two years now,” Aelin stated, trying to keep her voice as calm as possible. It would do no good to start yelling. “I know it just as well as the Firebird routine.”

It was Uncle Orlon who gave her a suspicious glance then.

“Didn’t you just say that routine is only half done?”

“I have the  _first half_ perfected.”

Weylan threw his hands up in the air, clearly beyond frustrated with her at that point.

“Are you planning on failing at Nationals?”

The words were harsh, but Aelin was used to Uncle Weylan’s sharp words at that point. She knew the words came from a good place. Sometimes, anyways. Nevertheless, Orlon placed a hand on his husband’s shoulder, trying to calm him down before he  _really_  threw something across the ice.

Aelin crossed her arms over her chest, sliding her blades back and forth across the ice as Weylan let out a heavy sigh.

“Just, let me try to get all this straight.” He ran a tired hand over his face before crossing his arms over his chest. “You want to give up a perfectly good routine for a half finished one? And on top of that, you still have yet to land your triple-triple-”

“I landed my triple-triple.”

“You still haven’t landed your triple-triple  _consistently_.” Weylan fixed her a glare.

That was true. It had been just over a week since her and Rowan’s ice skating date, and since she first landed her triple-triple. The next day at practice, she told her Uncles about it and of course they demanded to see it. Even though she landed it for them - very wobbly with both feet touching the ice - it did take her a couple of tries. She  _still_  wasn’t landing them one after another.

“But I’m landing it more and more every day,” Aelin pointed out, her glare just as icy.

“Aelin,” Orlon finally stepped in. Good thing too, because Aelin was sure Weylan was seconds away from beating his head into the ice. “You have to see where we’re coming from. It’s just not logical to change your routine this late in the game. Not when it’s so close to Nationals.”

“I know but-” Aelin took a moment to let out a deep breath. “I just need to do this routine at Nationals.”

“And why is that?” Weylan turned back to her. “How is an unfinished routine going to fair you better at Nationals then a perfectly-”

“Because I made it for Sam.”

A hushed silence between them. The sounds of skates carving up the ice and coaches yelling filled the air around them. But to Aelin, it all sounded distant.

Weylan and Orlon stared at her, studying her face. Orlon’s gaze was comforting, loving. Weylan’s was more on the calculated side.

It had been two years since she’d last mentioned Sam’s name while standing on that ice.

Taking in a deep breath through her nose, Aelin closed her eyes for the briefest moment. She tried to gather up her thoughts as best as she could before turning her gaze back on her Uncle’s.

“I’m been working on this routine ever since Sam… ever since he died,” the words were heavy on her tongue, her voice was soft.

She had more to say, more she wanted to tell them. But she felt like she had said enough.

Weylan and Olron shared a look. They knew how important it was to her, she knew they did. Aelin couldn’t remember the last time she had so much as said Sam’s name around them.

But at the same time, they weren’t just her Uncles. They were her coaches. They knew she had taken a big step, but they were still weary. And they had the right to be. Because it  _was_  crazy. Scrapping a routine for one that’s only half done a month before Nationals?

Maybe she was truly insane.

“Can I just show you what I have so far?” Aelin spoke up after another moment of silence passed by. “Just… let me show you the routine.”

Another beat of silence passed before Orlon nodded his head while Weylan sighed.

“Fine,” he said, leaning back against the broads with crossed arms. “Show us the routine.”

Aelin nodded before taking off her sweater. She handed it to Orlon and skated to the middle of the ice.

She took a moment to glance around the rink. Kaltain was practicing her spins with Perrington. Clarisse was talking to Archer by the broads, her lips pursed in a thin line. She was probably pissed at Lysandra for missing  _another_  practice. She was drilling all the skaters to find out why she was skipping. Of course, Aelin knew why, but she wasn’t about to spill the beans.

Nehemia had skated over to stand next to Orlon and Weylan. Both coaches were so fixated on Aelin, they didn’t even say anything to her.

With a deep breath, Aelin stood in her opening position. A harsh silence fell over the ice - everyone stopping what they were doing to watch.

_Have fun with this, Aelin._

Rowan’s words suddenly filled her head, and she couldn’t stop the smile from twitching on her lips as she gave that first push of her blade.

Everything around her disappeared.

She didn’t think about the fact that her Uncles were watching. That Nehemia, Kaltain, and Archer were watching. She didn’t think about doing the routine at Nationals. She didn’t think about doing it perfectly. She just  _did_  it.

She wasn’t at the rink, doing an early morning practice before school. When she skated that routine, she was back on the pond.

She could almost feel the uneven surface under her blades. The bitter winter wind biting at her face. There was no music. She’d never skated the routine to music before because she never thought the routine would  _need_  music. But there was always a song playing. The song of her blades carving the ice. Her breathing as she set up a jump or spin.

And as she skated the routine, in the very back of her mind, she allowed herself to imagine Sam’s smiling face.

_He’ll be there with you, when you skate that routine. And so will I._

The thought hit Aelin like a ton of bricks, and she suddenly realized, she may know how to end the routine after all.

But she still stopped when the routine came to its abrupt end. The rink and everyone in it came back into focus. For a beat, all that could be heard was silence and Aelin’s heavy breathing. Then Perrington snapped at Kaltain to get back to work, and the spell was broken.

With her hands on her hips, Aelin skated back over to her Uncles. They were both staring at her, faces unreadable, while Nehemia seemed to be fighting back a giant grin.

For a long moment, no one said anything. Orlon and Weylan glanced at eachother, as if having their own silent conversation. Aelin stood before them, trying to catch her breath. Her skates seemed to be rooted into place. She couldn’t even bring herself to reach for her water. She simply stood there, her gaze never leaving her Uncles.

Then, finally, they both looked over at her. Orlon’s gaze was wide, eyes shining with love and pride. He even allowed himself to smile, just slightly.

“You’ll need to work twice as hard as you are now.” Weylan stated bluntly.

Aelin nodded her head. “Of course.”

“And we need to find some music.” Orlon said.

“And figure out an ending.” Weylan added.

Aelin was finding it hard to keep the smile off of her lips as she nodded her head. She was already planning out her ending as they spoke.

Another beat of silence. And for the briefest moment, Weylan let his mask fall. He was looking at Aelin not as his skater, but as his niece.

“You’re  _sure_  you want to do this?”

Aelin didn’t even have to think twice. “Yes.”

“Alright then.” Just like that, the mask was back on. Aelin didn’t even try to hide her smile as Weylan spoke his next words. “Then let’s get to work.”

——————–

Elide stood at the end of the hallway, her hands gripping the strap of her bag.

She watched on, staring ahead as students walked past her. Even though it was the last day before Christmas break, there were a lot of students around. Some walking to their next class, some to their lockers. But while she knew they were there, she wasn’t actually seeing them.

She just kept her eyes on Manon.

Even from where she was standing, Elide could see her clear as day. She was alone, standing in front of her locker as she took out her books for her next class. Her silver hair all but glowed under the overly bright hallway lights. Just the sight caused a small pull in the pit of her stomach.

And it made her even more nervous to talk to her.

She’d been thinking about it a lot lately, about talking to Manon. It was something that was always nagging her, poking the back of her mind. Ever since her run in with Lorcan over a week ago, when he didn’t so much as glance at her twice. Ever since she’d realized that she actually didn’t feel anything for Lorcan Salvaterre.

She didn’t want to jump back into a relationship with Manon. Well, she did really. But she knew she wasn’t ready. She wanted to take time to figure herself out. She needed to come to terms with all the changes in her life and figure out who exactly she was before she shared herself with someone.

But that didn’t mean she couldn’t have her friend back by her side to help her through it.

Taking in a shaky breath, Elide tried her best to ease the butterflies in her stomach. It was the first time she’d be talking to Manon since they broke up months ago. To say she was nervous was a bit of an understatement.

Before she completely lost her nerve, Elide started to make her way down the hallway.

“Hi.”

The word left her mouth the moment she came to a stop next to Manon’s locker. She had to say something right away, because she was pretty sure her nerves were going to eat her alive. If she didn’t say something right off the bat, she’d turn and run.

Manon’s hand froze mid-air, textbook clutched between her fingers.

Elide gripped the strap of her bag tighter, her knuckles almost white.

It took Manon a moment to glance over at her, and it was the longest moment of Elide’s life. But then those golden eyes crashed into hers. And it was in that moment that Elide realized how much she truly did miss Manon. Not just in the relationship sense. But she simply just missed having Manon around. To talk to and help her.

She missed Manon just being there for her.

Manon’s face was hard, guarded, but her eyes softened slightly as she spoke.

“Hey.” Her voice matched the look on her face.

There was a long beat where Manon didn’t say anything and Elide couldn’t find her words. She was the one who approached Manon, she had to say  _something_. But she just  _couldn’t_.

The silence stretched on as Manon placed the textbook in her bag and closed her locker door. She turned fully to Elide, crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned against the lockers, clearing her throat.

“How are things?”

There was a strain in Manon’s voice that Elide picked up on. A strain that was more than likely there because Manon hated small talk. And it was then that Elide realized how hard it was for her too. To be standing next to Elide after so much time spent without talking or seeing each other.

“Okay.” Elide hated how small her voice sounded. She took a moment to take a breath. “Better.”

Manon gave a nod. “That’s good.”

Another long awkward pause filled the air around them. But instead of making Elide even more uncomfortable, it just made her frustrated. Because there were never any awkward silences between her and Manon before. It was always easy for them, comfortable. The silence around them was just an ugly reminder of how much had changed between them.

But it was also a reminder of why Elide was there in the first place.

“I know it’s been a while but, I wanted to tell you that-” there was a pause as Elide took in a breath, “-I’m still trying to figure everything out and figure out who I am, and I’m still a bit confused about everything. But over these past few months, I’ve realized that I still need you in my life. And I know it’s taken me a while to realize this. And I… I still can’t give you what you can give me. Not right now at least. But if it’s okay with you, I’d like to be friends again.”

Elide felt like her whole being was about to burst, but she forced herself to keep her eyes locked with Manon’s.

Manon’s face was unreadable for the longest moment, but her eyes were swimming with emotion. Elide could almost see the wheels turning in her head, as if she was replaying every word Elide had said over and over again.

Then, just as Elide felt her cheeks start to heat, just as Elide was about to turn around and walk away without another word, Manon spoke.

“I’d like that.”

Elide couldn’t stop the slightest bit of shock from showing on her face, her heart beating against her ribcage.

“Really?”

The smallest grin started to pull on Manon’s lips.

“You were right a few months ago, when you said you needed to figure things out by yourself. I was just so used to helping you, protecting you, that I thought this was something else I could help with.” Manon paused, taking in a breath. “But it wasn’t. And it’s fine if you’re still figuring things out. Take as much time as you need. I’m not going to push you. And if a friend’s what you need and want, I’ll be more than happy to be that for you again.”

Elide almost couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Her heart was warm and full. A grin slowly started to grace her lips. The first true smile she had worn in months. She suddenly felt lighter, happier, more content than she had in a long while.

“Thank you,” she said softly.

A full on smirk broke out on Manon’s face, a glint appearing in her eyes that Elide hadn’t seen in too long.

“I’m still going to rip out Lorcan’s throat next chance I get.”

Elide couldn’t stop the laugh from escaping her lips as she shook her head.

Yes, she still had a lot of battles to face, a lot of hurdles to jump. But as she and Manon walked down the hallway side by side, for the first time in a long time, Elide finally felt like she was finding her way.

——————–

“Pregnant?”

Lysandra pulled her legs closer to her chest. Well, as best as she could anyway. She was four months along, and though she was still able to hide her stomach with flowing shirts, if you knew she was pregnant, you could definitely tell.

She was sitting in Aelin’s living room with Aelin and Nehemia. There were blankets and pillows covering the floor around them. Food, magazines, nail polish, all the typical sleepover essentials spread out around them.

It was Aelin’s idea to have the sleepover, since it was their last day of Christmas vacation and they didn’t have early morning skating practice the next day. Plus, Lysandra honestly couldn’t remember the last time the three of them hung out together, just them.

And she decided to use the opportunity to finally tell Nehemia that she was pregnant.

Giving a slow nod of her head, Lysandra reached for a chip and popped it into her mouth.

“You’re  _pregnant_?”

Lysandra couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit proud of herself. It wasn’t easy to surprise Nehemia.

“I am,” she said, her voice soft. “Four months along.”

“Whoa.” Nehemia let out a slow breath, leaning so her back was resting against the couch. “I knew something was up. But…” she fell silent. Her calculating gaze cut to Lysandra after she took a moment to clearly gather her thoughts. “This is why you’ve been missing practice.”

Lysandra nodded, her heart breaking just slightly.

It hurt not going to practice, not skating with her girls. She loved figure skating. But, after what happened at Sectionals and that feeling she got being on the ice while she was carrying her baby, her and Aedion decided it was probably best to skip the skating season for the time being.

“It is,” Lysandra said. “Me and Aedion wanted to break the news to our parents first before I told Coach Clarisse.”

“How did that go?” Aelin asked. She was currently sitting on the floor with her legs crossed, munching on some popcorn. “Breaking the news to your parents.”

“Ashlyn and Gavriel seemed to take it pretty well. But I think they were probably mostly just in shock about the whole thing.” Lysandra said. “My dad on the other hand… There was a lot of yelling. I’m surprised Aedion actually managed to walk away in one piece. I think it was mainly just because he had me so young, and he never wanted this life for me.”

“He’ll come around.” Aelin sent Lysandra a small grin. “You’re his pride and joy. Plus your dad is anything but unsupportive. Just give him some time.”

Lysandra took out a breath as she slowly nodded. But she didn’t say anything. She simply reached for another chip.

She knew Aelin was right. Everything she said regarding her father was true. But it was still hard, knowing there was some part of her that truly did let her farther down. That she crushed his dreams from her. But she was keeping her head high. And having Aedion by her side definitely made things easier.

“You and Aedion seem to have worked everything out,” Aelin remarked, a knowing glint in her eyes.

Lysandra huffed out a laugh, her lips tugging in the corner. “I wouldn’t say that. But we’re definitely trying to work all this out together, even though we have no clue what we’re doing. We’re still in high school, for God’s sake.”

“I don’t think it matters how old you are,” Nehemia said. “No one truly knows what they’re doing when they first get pregnant. No matter your age.”

“And remember, anything you guys need, we’re here for you.” Aelin smiled and her eyes shifted from Lysandra to Nehemia. “Right?”

“Right.” Nehemia nodded in agreement, her own smile pulling on her lips. “Though I may need a day or two because… wow. You’re going to be a mom.”

The flutter Lysandra felt in her stomach at those words caused the grin on her face to spread.

“I’m going to be a mom.” She placed her hand lightly on her stomach, her voice gentle.

“And we’re going to be Aunts, Nehemia.” Aelin said, excitement lighting up her face. “Are you guys going to find out the sex of the baby?”

“No,” Lyandra shook her head. “We want it to be a surprise.”

“Well, either way, my niece or nephew is going to be the best-dressed baby in town.”

Laughter filled the room around them, the conversation around them becoming light and easy. Aelin and Nehemia continued to ask questions about her, Aedion, and the baby. And Lysandra was more than happy to answer. After all, it was the first time she got to talk about the baby so freely and without feeling a huge amount of pressure on her shoulders.

It was the first time she was talking about the baby as if she was just a mother. Not a teen mother. Just a mom.

“So Aelin -” Nehemia bit into a cookie as she turned the blonde of her left, “- Are we going to talk about that amazing routine you skated today?”

“What routine?” Lysandra looked between the two, her attention piqued.

Aelin continued to paint her toes red, not looking up as she spoke.

“I’m changing my routine for Nationals.”

Lysandra blinked. “I’m supposed to be the one with pregnancy brain. Not you.”

“Funny.”

“Aelin, Nationals is like, a month away,” Lysandra said, not able to fully wrap her head around what she was hearing. “Are you sure changing your routine is really the best-”

“It’s an amazing routine Lys,” Nehemia stepped in. “Really. It’s better than her other one.”

Lysandra still couldn’t really believe what she was hearing. A skater would only change their routine this close to Nationals if they had a death wish basically. But if Nehemia said it was good… Plus, Coach Weylan and Orlon would never let Aelin change it if the new routine wasn’t amazing….

God. This was what happened when she missed a few practices.

“Where did this new routine come from?” Lysandra turned back to Aelin.

But she didn’t answer right away. She carefully finished painting her toes before closing the nail polish. And when she finally looked up, Lysandra almost backed up at the raw and open look in Aelin’s eyes. The look alone felt like a punch to the stomach.

“I’ve been working on it since we lost Sam,” she said, her voice heavy with emotion.

Lysandra had no words. She couldn’t even really think straight. It was the first time she heard Sam’s name come off of Aelin’s lips in what felt like forever. And now to hear she was skating a routine for him… Lysandra couldn’t fully understand it, or how all of it came about.

“What made you decided to finally skate it?” Nehemia spoke up gently.

“Rowan.” Just saying his name caused Aelin’s lips to twitch into a small grin. “He saw me skating it a couple of times and he just helped me see that Sam would have wanted this. That he deserves this.”

 _Damn hormones_ , Lysandra cursed, because she could feel the tears starting to pool in her eyes. But she didn’t let them fall. Not even as she took in Aelin’s small smile, the rawness in her eyes, the happiness that shined through her expression.

“It’s good to see you smile like that again, Aelin.” Nehemia smiled, her voice soft.

Lysandra couldn’t help but nod in agreement. “I always knew you and Rowan would be good for each other.”

The normally witty comment that Lysandra expected from Aelin didn’t come. Instead, the smile on her face grew wider, her eyes shining bright.

“He makes me happy.”

Lysandra smiled herself, eyes glossy as she shifted her gaze over to Nehemia, who was also showing her own smile.

After all the hurt and pain that Aelin had endured, it was amazing to see her smile a true smile again. Even with Chaol, those moments were few and far between. But now, with Rowan, they seemed to be happening more and more.

It was refreshing. It was heartwarming. It was beautiful.

“So. I have to ask,” Lysandra spoke up after a moment of silence, unable to stop herself, “and I’m blaming this on pregnancy brain. How good is he in bed?”

Nehemia let out a groan, throwing her head back against the couch. “That’s not your pregnancy brain talking. That’s a normal Lysandra question.”

“Either way.” Lysandra shrugged, sending a smirk Nehemia’s way before turning back to Aelin. Only to find her quietly sitting there, picking at her fingers nails.

“We haven’t had sex yet,” she said, after a beat of silence.

Lysandra blinked in surprise. “Really?”

“We haven’t actually been together that long you know.”

“Long enough,” Lysandra said. “Most people these days aren’t even together a day before they’re going at it.”

“Most people aren’t together at all,” Nehemia added, causing Lysandra to nod in agreement.

“It’s… more complicated than that.” Aelin sighed. There was a weariness in her voice, a look in her eyes that had Lysandra biting her tongue. “It’s not like I don’t  _want_  to have sex with him. We’re just trying to take things slow.”

It seemed like there was more that Aelin wanted to say, but she remained quiet, a distinct look in her eyes. But by the way she spoke and the look on her face, Lysandra knew better then to ask any further questions.

Lysandra didn’t know Rowan too well, but she knew Aelin and she knew those two were destined to be together. They were made to find each other. She knew of the pain and heartbreak Aelin had experienced, and she got the feeling Rowan had been through some similar experiences.

They were helping each other grow and heal, and that alone made Lysandra over the moon happy for her friend.

The look on Aelin’s face, the way she bit her lip slightly, fighting back a smile. The way the gold in her eyes all but glowed, all because of the mention of Rowan. It was amazing to see.

“You’re thinking about having sex with Rowan right now, aren’t you?”

Lysandra blinked in surprise, her eyes snapping towards Nehemia. She sometimes forgot how blunt that girl could be.

“Look at you, asking a  _Lysandra question_ ,” Lysandra said as Aelin threw a pillow at Nehemia.

“You’re both horrible.” Aelin shook her head. There was laughter in her voice as she pulled out her phone. “I’m changing the subject.”

“To what?” Lysandra titled her head to the side slightly.

Aelin looked up at her face, face in a wide grin as she held up her phone. “I totally just started looking up ideas for your baby shower.”

For the rest of the night, the mood remained light, carefree. The room was always filled with laughter, the conversations easy, all over the place. They talked about the baby and watched scary movies. They ate until they couldn’t eat anymore. They laughed as if they didn’t have a care in the world.

It was just the three of them against the world, like it always was and always would be.


	16. Bonus: Deleted Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got cut from the actual story because it just didn’t fit with the flow, but I still wanted to share it with you guys. Technically, this chapter would have been chapter 12 - not the Rowaelin date chapter. So all this takes place between chapter 11 and chapter 12.  
> There will most likely be some mistakes, as this didn’t go through the editing process these chapters normally go though. And some stuff may be repeated as I did add it to the main story, just in a different way. But I still hope you enjoy!

Elide was happy to say she’d been feeling a bit better in the past few weeks.

Not 100% better, but better nevertheless.

She still held so many questions. She still went to bed feeling lost and went through her day feeling confused. But her talk with Aedion a few weeks ago really did help. And the couple of talks they’ve had since then weren’t that bad either.

She realized that sexuality isn’t something easy. It’s complex. There were so many things she didn’t know and had to continue to learn. But she was slowly starting to figure out who she was. She was starting to come to her own. Yes, there was still a long road ahead of her, things she still had to open herself up to, but she’d get there in time.

“I feel like I need to be wearing my skates,” Aelin said, gripping the railing as they walked up the front steps of the school. “There’s so much ice I’m scared I may actually fall and break my leg.”

“I’m sure your Uncles would  _love_  that,” Elide couldn’t help but laugh, especially as Aelin huffed, a cloud of cold air floating from her nose.

They were into mid-December, just over a week away from Christmas break. And if the weather today was any indication, they were in for one hell of a cold winter. Snow already covered the ground around them, with thin sheets of ice hiding underneath nature’s white blanket. The air around them was brutally cold and bitter. Flurries of fat snowflakes slowly fell from the gray sky.

It truly was a beautiful frigid winter wonderland.

“If I were to break my leg, I may as well break my neck too,” she said. “Because Uncle Weylan and Uncle Orlon would  _actually_  kill me.”

“Especially if you were to hurt yourself now, when you’re just over a month away from Nationals.”

“Don’t remind me.” A half-hearted groan made its way out of Aelin’s lips. “Uncle Weylan is bad enough.”

Elide laughed as the two girls walked through the main doors of the school. The warmth of the building hit them immediately, and Elide couldn’t help but sigh at the heat.

The main foyer of the school was nice and cozy with big holiday decorations. There were garlands hanging in the doorways, wreaths hanging on every door. Fake, light up snowflakes were hung from the ceilings.

Just the thought made Elide more excited for Christmas. Even though it would also mean no school, which meant being home more with her Uncle. But thankfully she had amazing friends who let her crash at their places. Plus she always spent Christmas with Aelin and her family, so she was never truly alone.

“You seem happier lately.”

Elide’s attention drifted to Aelin. The blonde was watching her with a careful eye, the smallest smile on her lips.

Elide couldn’t help but let her own smile form. While she had been trying to figure out herself these past few weeks, she also realized how important having her friends around was. And how much she missed spending time with them.

“I am happier,” she admitted.

Aelin nodded, her eyes shining. “I’m glad.”

“The same could be said about you.” They turned down a crowded hallway as Elide spoke. “You seem happier these days too.”

The smile that was already on Aelin’s face grew. “I am happier.”

“Does a certain white-haired hockey player have anything to do with that?”

The grin on Aelin’s lips was contagious as she glanced over at Elide. The gold in her eyes seemed to glow at just the mention of Rowan.

“Definitely.” Aelin wrapped an arm around Elide’s shoulder. “But just know, I’m always here for you, if you ever need anything.”

Elide did know this. She knew this all along. But that didn’t stop the gratitude from shining on her face as she glanced up at Aelin.

“I know.”

Aelin gave Elide’s shoulder a tight squeeze before dropping her arm. The two fell into a comfortable silence as they continued down the hall. And Elide couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, her life was slowly started to untangle itself.

Then she slammed into a hard chest, just as she and Aelin turned the corner.

“Sorry. Didn’t see you.” This was half-heartedly said, as a strong set of arms gripped Elide by her arms, steadying her.

But the touch and voice just caused her body to lock up.

Slowly, her gaze moved upward. And sure enough, she was met with a pair of onyx eyes.

This was the first time she’d been this close to Lorcan since the party. Of course, she saw him all over school. But that was from a distance. She didn’t exactly go out of her way to walk into Lorcan. Partly because she didn’t want to find out what she’d feel if she got close to him again.

But standing there then, Lorcan in front of her, Elide was somewhat surprised to notice that she felt … Nothing.

She didn’t feel any different than she had a moment before. Her heart didn’t jump. Her stomach didn’t twist and turn. She felt normal. As if any other person within the whole school had just banged into her.

Lorcan held Elide’s gaze for a moment longer, before raising a questioning eyebrow at her. If he noticed her or remembered the fact they’d made out a few months before, he didn’t comment on it.

“Can we help you, Salvaterre?”

Aelin’s hard voice brought Elide back to reality. She took a careful step backward, Lorcan’s hands dropping back to his side.

Lorcan’s face turned cold as he rolled his eyes.

“If it’s not my least favourite person in the whole school.”

Aelin huffed, crossing her arms across her chest as Lorcan’s dark eyes snapped to her.

“Oh, bite me.”

“I’ll leave that to Rowan, Galathynius,” Lorcan said, looking Aelin up and down. “Though I’ll never understand what he sees in you. All I see is a spoiled little bitch.”

Aelin took a slow, dangerous step forward. Her brows pinched together as she gazed up at Lorcan, face murderous.

But before she actually got a chance to say anything, a voice called out from behind Elide.

“Lorcan. Are you coming or not?”

Elide looked over her shoulder, only to find a beautiful curly-haired, brown-skinned junior standing just a few feet away from them. She had a hand on her hip, eyebrow raised as she looked between the three of them. Elide recognized her as Essar, the girl who was with Lorcan at the party.

Lorcan held Aelin’s gaze for a moment longer before slowly nodding his head. He sidestepped Aelin and walked right passed Elide, without so much as another word.

“God. I hate that boy so much.” Aelin sighed, her arms falling back to her side once Lorcan was gone. She turned to Elide, a look of concern on her face. “Are you okay?”

Elide didn’t answer right away. She couldn’t help but keep her gaze on Lorcan and Essar.

She watched as Lorcan approached Essar, her eyes softening as he got closer. He said something, causing her to roll her eyes. Lorcan then wrapped an arm around her shoulder, guiding her away.

And Elide still felt no different. She felt the same watching them as she did watching Lysandra and Aedion.

Turning back to Aelin, Elide felt her lips pull up in the corner.

“Yeah,” she nodded. “I’m okay.”

“Good. Because I’d kill him if he ever hurt you in any way.” Aelin returned the smile before straightening her bag on her shoulders. “Come on.”

Together, the two continued on down the hallway as the warning bell for first class rang.

Elide couldn’t help but think over Aelin’s words. And she couldn’t help but realize that maybe Lorcan didn’t hurt her. Maybe he simply helped her, in a way. He gave he a little push to help her discover who she truly was.

With a heavy sigh, Elide continued to walk next to Aelin. But a flicker of silver hair in the corner of her eye caught her attention.

Turning her head, Elide found Manon leaning against the locker, talking to Asterin. She must have felt Elide’s eyes on her, because she looked up, causing their eyes to lock.

And this time, as Manon gave her the tiniest smile, her heart did jump and her stomach did twist.

This time, she felt… something.

——————–

_“It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…”_

“For the love of God, stop singing.”

Dorian came to a stop next to Chaol, the biggest grin on his face as he leaned up against the lockers.

“Why? Does my singing bug you?”

“Tremendously.”

_“Everywhere you go-”_

Chaol slammed his locker door shut, turning to Dorian with a glare. “Do you want to spend Christmas in the hospital?”

The threat was empty, Dorian knew it. This fact alone was one of the reasons why he couldn’t help but laugh. Though he did stop singing.

“You’re not the biggest fan of hockey - even though you play it - and you basically hate Christmas.” Dorian pushed himself off the locker, a smirk pulling at the corners of his lips. “Are you even human?”

Chaol rolled his eyes before making his way down the hallway. Dorian followed him as they headed towards their third class of the day: biology.

“I like hockey, that's  _why_  I play it,” Chaol said. “And I don’t  _hate_  Christmas. Christmas just means spending time with your family. And it’s my family I’m not the biggest fan of.”

“Hmm, very true.” Dorian couldn’t help but agree. Lord knows he didn’t want to spend any more time with his family - especially his father - then he had to. “And that’s why I’m glad we spend half of Christmas with Aelin and her family.”

Chaol nodded his head, face completely natural. But even so, Dorian couldn’t help but watch him for a moment. It had been months since he and Aelin made amends and got back on friendly terms, but old habits were hard to kill sometimes. Dorian was used to Chaol making a face or a comment whenever he brought up Aelin’s name.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Chaol sent Dorian a look. But Dorian could see the corner of his lips start to twitch in a smile. “I’m not going to turn into the Hulk because you said Aelin’s name.”

“You never know, old habits die hard.”

This earned him a punch in the arm, causing Dorian to chuckle.

“But seriously,” Dorian said after a moment. “I know it’s been months, but you two are completely fine now? No hard feelings at all? Everyone’s built their bridge and walked over it?”

This time, it was Chaol who chuckled.

“Yes. We’re fine. We’re friends. Are you scared we’re going to go back to hating on each other suddenly or something?”

“Well, it was tiring being the referee between you two all the time.”

“Besides, she truly seems happy now with Rowan. He’s good for her.” Chaol commented, his voice genuine. “And I’m happy now too.”

“With whom?” Dorian nudged Chaol with his shoulder, a smile pulling on his lips.

He pretty much knew the answer already. He just loved pushing Chaol’s buttons all the time.

Chaol rolled his eyes. But his lips still pulled up in the corners and Dorian swore he saw the faintest pink appear on his cheeks.

“Hey, I’m happy for you man.” Dorian clapped him on the back. “I think Nesryn is really good for you.”

“If you knew who it was, why even ask?” Chaol glanced over a Dorian, who gave a lazy shrug.

“Because you’re my brother. I’m supposed to tease and bug you.”

“How about I start teasing and bugging you and your love life?” A delish smile formed on Chaol’s lips. “Or lack thereof.”

The smile slipped from Dorian’s face. His brows started to pinch together as he met Chaol’s gaze.

“I have a love life.”

“You have a  _sex_  life,” Chaol said. “There is a difference.”

“I’m just waiting for the right girl to come along,” Dorian waved him off as they got closer to their classroom. “Aelin and Nesryn are already taken.”

“You’re funny.”

“I’m hilarious.” Dorian shot Chaol a blinding smile. “But seriously. I’m fine with my life at the moment. I don’t need a girl-”

Dorian was so caught up in his and Chaol’s conversation, he didn’t even realize someone was walking out of the Biology classroom until he turned to walk through the door, walking into a student instead.

Papers and books went crashing to the floor, along with the girl Dorian banged into.

“Oh god,” Dorian dropped to his knees, helping the girl pick up her dropped things. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t see-”

Dorian trailed off as he handed the girl her bio book, looking up. He felt like the breath had been knocked out of his lungs. He took in her chestnut hair, hair that was woven back into a braid. Beautiful brown eyes, flecked with green, glanced up at him for a brief moment before going back to picking up papers. Her golden skin seemed to glow in the bad school lighting.

Shit.

“It’s fine.” The girl scrambled to her feet once all her papers were picked up.

Dorian continued to help by following her lead. He still had her textbook in his hands. Once he was on his feet, he slowly handed it out to her.

“I’m sorry,” were the only words his mind seemed to form as she took her book back.

Then he truly felt like he was going to pass out when she sent him the tiniest smile.

“It’s fine,” she said so softly, Dorian wasn’t even sure he heard her right.

Another beat passed up with Dorian simply staring at her. The faintest pick started to form on her cheeks. And before Dorian could do anything, she quickly mumbled a goodbye, getting out of the situation as fast as she could.

Yup. He was definitely in some shit.

Chaol let out a chuckled, clapping Dorian on the back.

“You were saying?” He said, smirk on his lips as he walked pass Dorian into the classroom, heading towards his seat.

Dorian wanted to glare at him. He wanted to be mad. But he couldn’t. In that moment, it seemed impossible.

He couldn’t help but feel like his life just took a turn for the better.

——————–

The day came and went for Aelin in almost a blur. But in a blissfully good way.

She couldn’t remember going to any of her classes, but she was so content and happy that she didn’t care. It was almost like she was in a happy daze all day. Actually, it was like she was in a happy daze for weeks now.

And Elide was most definitely right. It was because of a current white-haired hockey player.

Aelin couldn’t stop the smile for forming on her lips as the bell rang, signaling the end of last period. She quickly gathered up her things before making her way out of the classroom and into the already crowded hallway.

Honestly, Aelin couldn’t remember the last time she felt this relaxed and content.

Everything with Rowan, it was easy. Good. Ever since they shared that kiss by the pond a few weeks back, things had been going wonderfully. They were both in nice and better places. The talks and dates and teasing was good. The kissing was  _definitely_  good. Aelin and Rowan were good.

Good, but still taking things a bit slow. Well, slow by teenager’s standards these days. They’d gone on plenty of dates before - most of which ended with a heated make-out session in the back of Rowan’s car. But aside from the constant making out and touching, that was it. Which Aelin understood. This was Rowan’s first relationship since Lyria. Aelin wasn’t going to push anything.

Weaving in and out of students, Aelin made her way down the hallway, which was abuzz with people chatting excitedly about Christmas and being off of school for two weeks. Aelin herself was pretty excited. She loved Christmas. And even though this Christmas break she was literally spending every day at the rink, training for Nationals, it was going to be nice to have a break from school. Plus, she’d get to spend more time with Rowan.

Just thinking about this brought a bigger smile to her face.

Aelin rounded the corner, and a head of white hair immediately caught her attention. And damn, Rowan looked good in his jeans and shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Just the sight caused her heart to flutter in her chest.

“Hey goodlooking,” Aelin said as she approached his locker.

Turning around, a smile lite up Rowan’s face when his gaze met hers.

“Hey,” he said, bending down to place a quick kiss on Aelin’s lips. Just the feeling on his lips brushing against hers left her wanting more. But before she had a chance to react, it was over just as fast as it started with Rowan pulling away. “How was your day?”

Aelin gave a lazy shrug of her shoulder, leaning up against the lockers. “Pretty uneventful.”

“That doesn’t sound like a typical day for you.”

“Hmmm,” the smile on Aelin’s face was bright, her eyes sparkling as she watched Rowan place some books in his locker. “Maybe I should go find Manon or Lorcan. It’s been awhile since I’ve punched one of them in the face.”

Rowan gave a slight roll of his eyes as he closed his locker door. Those pine green eyes turned to meet hers and Aelin felt her heart jump. The way those eyes all but glowed, the slightest twitch of his lips, the look of pure  _happiness_  on his face, there wasn’t anything Aelin loved to see more. A truly happy Rowan.

“I love that.”

Aelin tilted her head to the side slightly. “What?”

“Seeing that smile on your face.” Rowan took the smallest step closer to her, a lazy smile on his lips. “Seeing you happy.”

“Good.” She breathed, her grin growing. “Because I love seeing you happy too.”

Rowan took another step towards her and suddenly, everything and everyone around them disappeared. It was just her and Rowan, in their own little world. Those eyes held her in place, captivating her. She thought for sure she was going to feel his lips brushing against hers any minute now, and her heart started to pound in her chest.

“Do you have practice every day this week?”

Or maybe not.

Just the mention of practice broke whatever spell took over a moment ago. Aelin could feel the smile slowly start to fall off her lips as the hallway came back into focus. Her mood started to drop little by little.

Practice was… rough lately. With Nationals coming up in just over a month, and with Aelin  _still_  having yet to land her triple-triple, she normally left practice in a sour mood. Uncle Weylan said she needed all the practice she could get. So over Christmas break, they were having practice for hours on end every day. And if she didn’t land her triple-triple by New Years, they were taking it out of her program.

To say the thought frustrated her a little bit would be an understatement.

“Every day up until Sunday,” Aelin sighed. “Uncle Orlon convinced Uncle Weylan to take Sunday off because they need to do their Christmas shopping.”

The sparkle in Rowan’s eyes turned mischievous. “So you’re free Sunday?”

“Possibly.” Aelin couldn’t stop the smirk from pulling on her lips. “Why?”

“Because,” as if it was possible, Rowan took a step closer to her. “I have a surprise for you.

“I love surprises. Especially ones for me.”

“I know you do.”

Aelin could feel Rowan’s breath brush against her cheeks as he spoke.

“Then it’s a date.” She smiled.

They’d gone on dates before, and they were always hanging out in between school and practices. But there was something about the way Rowan’s eyes lit up, something about the way his lips formed a lazy grin, that had her stomach twisting and turning. In the best way possible.

“It’s a date.” He agreed, letting out a breath before his lips brushed against hers.

It was meant to be a soft, gentle kiss. One appropriate for the hallways of the school. But Aelin couldn’t contain herself. Just breathing in his scent, tasting his lips on hers, caused all thoughts to leave her head.

She grabbed the front of his shirt as if it was her lifeline, pulling him closer. She couldn’t help herself as she moaned into his mouth, the kiss deepening.

She could spend the whole day kissing Rowan, and not have one single problem with it.

Rowan placed his hands on her hips, fingers digging into her sides. It was like he was restraining himself. Like he had to stop himself from pushing her up against the lockers and taking her right then and there.

They were taking things slow. That didn’t both of them particularly liked the idea most times.

“Fireheart,” Rowan breathed as they pulled apart, resting his forehead against hers. The roughness in his voice caused her stomach to knot.

“Buzzard,” was her response. A smug smile graced her lips as Rowan let out a deep chuckle.

Placing a kiss on her forehead, Rowan took a step back.

“Come on,” he said, reaching his hands towards her. “Let’s go.”

Aelin nodded, her smile turning soft as she placed her small hand in Rowan’s big one.

And as they walked together down the hallway, Aelin realized, for the first time in years, she truly felt at peace.

Because of a current white haired hockey player smiling down at her.


	17. She never felt more whole in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: NSFW

“Can you hurry up and pick a movie already?”

“Well. Maybe if you just told me what you wanted to watch instead of shooting down all my suggestions-”

“I picked last time. It’s your turn now.”

“You can’t say that and then complain about the movies I pick.”

“Fine.” Aelin leaned back against the couch. She crossed her arms and legs, a dramatic sigh escaping her lips. “Take your time. Besides, I’m enjoying the view anyways.”

Aelin smiled to herself as her eyes drifted to Rowan’s ass. Yeah, she was  _definitely_  enjoying the view. She’d actually be fine with spending the night staring at Rowan’s ass instead of watching a movie.

She was aware of him turning to look over his shoulder at her, but Aelin purposely stared at Rowan’s ass for a moment longer before meeting his gaze. She raised an eyebrow at him, biting down on her bottom lip slightly as Rowan sent her his own knowing smile, turning back to his shelf of movies.

A knot of desire and frustration started to form in her stomach. Just the feeling had Aelin cursing Lysandra.

Ever since Lysandra asked her about sex with Rowan, it was all Aelin could think about. She wanted nothing more than to feel his skin against hers. But she didn’t know if he was ready or not. And she didn’t want to push him. The last girl he had been with was Lyria, after all.

But it was getting to the point where Aelin  _ached_  to be close to Rowan.

“There.” Rowan placed a movie in the DVD player before walking over to the couch and sitting down next to Aelin. “I’m not getting up to change it.”

“What did you turn on?” She asked as Rowan wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer.

“Star Wars.”

“You know, I’ve never actually seen the Star Wars movies before.”

Rowan looked down at Aelin, disbelief shining in his eyes.

“Well, we know what we’re doing for the rest of the night, then.”

Not exactly how Aelin would have liked to spend their night alone at Rowan’s, especially since his parents weren’t home.

“How’s the routine coming along?”

“It’s coming,” Aelin said, the previews for the movie starting to play. “It’s all done and we have music. Now it’s just perfecting it before Nationals.”

“Are you nervous?” Rowan slowly ran a finger up and down Aelin’s arm.

“Honestly? No,” she admitted. “I’m more excited and anxious if anything. Maybe just a little nervous because of how much this routine means to me.”

As if it was possible, Rowan somehow managed to pull Aelin closer to him.

“I can’t wait to see it.”

Aelin leaned her head against his chest. “I can’t wait to show you.”

Rowan gave Aelin’s arm a gentle squeeze as a silence fell around them. The opening chords of  _Star Wars: A New Hope_  filled the room.

“Thank you, by the way,” Aelin spoke up just a few moments into the movie, if only because she simply couldn’t stop herself.

Rowan glanced down at her with pinched brows. “For what?”

There were so many things Aelin wanted to thank him for. For helping her feel again. For showing her love, making her feel warm and safe. For claiming her. For being by her side, to whatever end.

But as her turquoise and gold eyes locked with his green ones, she simply said, “for believing in me.”

Rowan gave no reply. The most loving and cherished smile appeared on his lips instead. Aelin’s heart jumped in her chest as he bent down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. She snuggled in closer to him, curling her feet under her as they turned back to the screen, a comfortable silence falling around them.

They stayed like that for the longest time, simply enjoying the movie and each other’s company. Aelin actually found herself liking the movie the farther they got into it. She was completely relaxed into Rowan’s side and just being there with him, her arm thrown against his stomach, she couldn’t help but feel unbelievably happy.

“Thank you.”

Aelin looked up at Rowan, only to find him watching her. For how long, she didn’t know. But there was a look of undying love on his face, lips pulled up in one corner and green eyes shining in the light of the screen.

“For what?”

She could see it in his eyes, all the things he was thanking her for. All the love and happiness. All for her. And her own heart ached with its own love. All for him.

She owned his heart and he owned hers. It had always been that way, even when they hated each other. And it would always be that way.

But despite all the things his eyes were telling her, his voice came out in just a whisper.

“For making me happy again.” His eyes were swimming with emotion. “For being you.”

Aelin had no words. She couldn’t think of the right thing to say as she looked up, staring into Rowan’s endless green depths. She couldn’t find the words to speak with her mind anymore. So she spoke with her heart instead.

Reaching up, Aelin placed the softest most cherished kiss on Rowan’s lips. She poured everything she couldn’t say into that kiss. All the love she had for him but had yet to say out loud. All the happiness he brought her. She told him all of it through that one kiss.

She pulled away after a moment, but only a few inches rested between them.

Aelin slowly opened her eyes, looking up through her lashes at Rowan. The same emotions were reflected in his own eyes, but there was something else there. Something that darkened the green in his eyes and made Aelin’s stomach tighten.

Without so much as a word, Rowan leaned forward and reclaimed her lips with his. The same love and passion were still there from the kiss before, but this one held more. More desire. More want.

While the other kiss held everything they already said, this one held everything they still had yet to.

Rowan pulled Aelin closer. He ran his tongue along her bottom lip and she couldn’t help it. She melted into his arms then and there, a moan escaping her lips. And as Rowan’s tongue crashed against hers, the outside world was forgotten and it was just them. Just her and just him.

It was almost like their bodies started working on autopilot. Rowan’s hands ran down Aelin’s arms, down the curve of her back, before stopping at her hips. He quickly and effortlessly lifted her up, setting her on his lap so she was straddling him. He broke the kiss only to move his lips along her jaw and down her throat, stopping at the column of her neck. The sensation of his tongue and teeth teasing her skin caused Aelin to throw her head back, giving Rowan better access.

Another moan escaped her lips, this time sounding like his name.

Rowan moved, kissing and nipping at the spot where her neck and shoulder met. Aelin couldn’t help herself as she rolled her hips against his, already desperate for some sort of relief. The movement caused Rowan to release a noise from the back of his throat, a noise that caused the heat between Aelin’s legs to rise before he leaned forward and took her lips once more.

This kiss was more wild and exciting than the past ones. It lit a fire in Aelin. A fire that even she couldn’t control as she once again grinded her hips against his. And when she felt Rowan’s growing want for her, it just caused the fire to burn hotter and brighter.

Aelin started to move her hips harder, needing more friction, when Rowan’s hands were suddenly on her hips, holding her in place.

“You have to stop that,” he growled into her lips, breathing heavily.

Aelin pulled back just enough to see Rowan’s face, only to find his eyes closed.

Maybe she’d misread the moment. Maybe Rowan let his guard down a bit too far and he was now realizing they had to stop. Maybe he really wasn’t ready yet.

Aelin started to pull back some more, but Rowan’s grip on her tightened as he opened his eyes.

“Where are you going?”

The openness in his eyes, the want, and desire that darkened the green and caused his pupils to dilate, it was hard to miss. Hard to mistake for anything but love, want, and lust.

The smallest smile started to take form on Aelin’s lips as she brought her hand to rest on his cheek, brushing her thumb lightly across his lips before moving forward.

“Nowhere,” she breathed into his mouth, kissing him slowly

It didn’t take long for the kiss to deepen, the tension between them becoming thick and heated. Every nerve in Aelin’s body felt Rowan’s hands as they moved up and down her back painfully slowly before coming to rest on her hips, stopping on the exposed skin between her pants and sweater.

Just the feeling of his fingertips brushing her bare skin caused electricity to shoot through her, her body coming alive.

Rowan pulled back slightly, his heavy breathing caressing Aelin’s face as he rested his forehead against hers.

“I love you.”

Aelin’s heart stopped dead in her chest, her whole body locking in place as she gazed into Rowan’s eyes. But he simply looked back with so much intensity and tenderness that it caused Aelin’s heart to pound against her ribcage.

“I love you,” he repeated, never looking away. “I didn’t think I’d be able to say that to someone ever again. But then I met you and… God Aelin, I love you.”

Her heart swelled with love and warmth, her eyes becoming glossy as the smallest smile pulled on the corner of her lips.

She was breaking and healing, but she never felt more whole in her life.

Gently, Aelin took Rowan’s face in her hands, carefully pulling him forward until his lips were on hers once again. And she poured every ounce of passion, desire, love she had for Rowan into that kiss.

“I love you too,” she murmured, the words becoming lost on Rowan’s lips. “I love you so much, Rowan Whitethorn.”

A deep moan sounded from Rowan at Aelin’s words. He deepened the kiss, his hands running down her hips, her thighs, before hooking behind her knees.

Aelin couldn’t help the squeal of surprise that left her lips as Rowan stood up, her legs locking around his waist. A chuckle left Rowan’s lips and he started to walk, the sound causing Aelin to let out her own laugh before it was muffled by Rowan kissing her again.

And before she knew it, they were upstairs, Rowan kicking his bedroom door closed behind him.

Rowan continued to kiss her senseless as Aelin slid to her feet, her stomach twisting with desire and anticipation and the slightest bit of nervousness.

“Are you sure?” She asked once they pulled apart, her chest heaving.

She had to ask. She had to hear him say it. She didn’t want him to go through with this if he still wasn’t ready. She wouldn’t do that to him.

But the look in Rowan’s eyes and on his face told her enough.

Rowan lifted a hand and gently creased her cheek, his gaze burning into her very soul.

“I love you, Aelin,” he said, voice rough. “I want this. I want you.”

The smallest smile graced her lips as Aelin gave Rowan the lightest kiss, only to pull back seconds later.

Without breaking eye contact, she reached down and pulled her shirt over her head, throwing it somewhere across the room.

Rowan had seen Aelin in just a bra before - less even. But the look he was giving her in that moment, the way his stare devoured her, it caused a heat to build in the pit of her stomach.

She had never felt more loved before in her life.

Rowan quickly reached down and pulled off his own shirt, sending it flying across the room to join Aelin’s on the floor.

She took a moment to take in his sculpted abdomen, the hard cords of his shoulders, his chiseled chest. Just the sight alone caused the warmth between Aelin’s legs to throb.

She lifted her gaze to find Rowan watching her, drinking her in with a small appreciative smile.

Their lips found each other once more, and they continued with hot kisses as they stumbled towards the bed, hands roaming over every bit of exposed skin.

When they reached the bed, Rowan sat down on the edge, his lips staying on Aelin in some form or another as she placed her legs on either side of him. She straddled his lap, the bulge in his pants evident from her position, causing her to moan and roll her hips against his.

She had never wanted someone so much before in her life.

With his own groan, Rowan’s lips left hers to trail down her neck, across her collarbone, and her shoulder. His hands moved up her stomach as light as a feather before coming to a stop on her breast. Her took her into his giant hand, stopping to place kisses just above her bra. The feeling had Aelin arching her back.

But it wasn’t enough.

Reaching behind, Aelin unclasped her bra. Rowan pulled back just in time to see the lace piece come off, falling to the floor. His eyes lingered on her exposed breast, her pert nipples, before looking back up at her with eyes so dark with love and lust they appeared black.

But before Rowan could make another move, Aelin pushed him back onto the bed.

She said earlier that she had so many things to thank him for, and Aelin was going to use this time to thank him properly.

With Rowan lying beneath her, a look of surprised coating his features, Aelin took the time to trace the lines and shapes on his lower abdomen with her finger nail, slowly making her way up to his chest. She took pleasure at the feeling of his muscles trembling under her fingers, the sound of his sharp intake of breath, as she dragged them up and down his stomach.

She bent down, her bare breasts pressing against his chest as she placed her lips on his. It was heated, wet, all teeth and tongue at that point as Rowan slowly ran his hands down the curve of her back. Almost like he was trying to commit her shape to memory.

Aelin moved on from his lips, inching down his neck and chest, her tongue stopping every now and then to lick and tease. And as she started to make her way down his abdomen, her hands made their way to the button of his pants.

“Aelin.” Rowan’s voice was rough with desire as he propped himself up on his elbows, watching her as she got down on her knees at the end of the bed.

“Rowan.” She looked up at him through her lashes, unzipping his pants. Smoothly, Aelin managed to pull off the jeans and throw them onto the floor as she came face to face with his sizable bulge, clearly visible beneath his black boxers.

The heat between her thighs grew at just the sight, causing her to become even wetter.

Aelin kept her own lust-filled gaze locked with Rowan’s as she steadily moved her hands to the waistband of his underwear. With a sly smile, she pulled them down, agonizingly slowly, and her mouth went dry as Rowan’s cock sprang free

She pulled his underwear off the rest of the way, her eyes never leaving Rowan’s. Not as she threw the boxers to the floor. Not as she took his cock in her hand. And his eyes never left her. It was only when she gave him the first stroke, slow and tantalizing, that Rowan threw his head back, but stayed on his elbows.

Aelin continued to stroke, astonished at the feel of him in her hands. Just the thought of him inside her, it had her aching with desire.

“God,” Rowan groaned, thrusting his hips into her hand.

“This is my time,” Aelin teased. “Stop that.”

As if to prove her point, Aelin brought her mouth to the tip of his cock.

“Fuck,  _Aelin_ ,” were the only words Rowan managed to get out before Aelin wrapped her lips around the head, easing him into her mouth.

Rowan got out a few more curses and groans as Aelin worked him. She couldn’t help but moan around him at the sounds he was making, all because of her.

Aelin pulled off only to start again. She could feel Rowan trembling under her as she gave a long lick, her hand coming up to join her month.

“Aelin.”

There was a plea, a wanting in Rowan’s voice that caused her to look up. His hands were in a tight fist, eyes almost completely black, face coated with desire.

Reaching forward, Rowan gently took her chin in his hand, guiding her up until she was standing before him rather than kneeling. He placed a heated kiss on her lips, moaning as he tasted himself on her tongue. He brought her back to his lap, lips moving from hers, across her jaw, to the shell of her ear.

“My turn,” he growled before flipping them over.

For a short moment, Aelin couldn’t really register what was happening. Then Rowan brushed her hair away from her neck, and Aelin groaned as his teeth nipped at her skin.

He took his time moving down her body, stopping on her breast for the longest time. He kissed and teased the sensitive skin, twirling his tongue around her nipple, switching between the two until Aelin was squirming under him, almost begging for more.

Rowan continued to move down, placing kisses, flicking his tongue, and scraping his teeth along her skin as he went. His tongue swirled around her bellybutton as his hand moved up her thigh ever so slowly. Aelin panted and moaned, her core aching and throbbing. She couldn’t help but arch her back as Rowan’s hands  _finally_  came to the waistband of her leggings.

And in one quick movement, they were gone. Along with her underwear.

Aelin’s eyes stayed on Rowan as he flashed her a wicked smile. Just the sight of him between her legs was enough to almost completely undo her.

Taking his damn time, Rowan fell to his knees and started placing feather soft kisses on her inner thigh, his hot breath caressing her skin. She could feel him so close to her dripping wet entrance, feel his breath on her folds. But instead of stopping where she needed him most, Rowan simply moved on to the other thigh, his deep chuckle vibrating against her skin.

“Stop teasing me, Buzzard,” she said roughly, her back arching as Rowan’s tongue flicked the spot he had just nipped.

“Needy are we?” He smiled into her thigh.

Aelin simply groaned in response, her hips bucking as Rowan brought his hand up between her thighs, parting her wet folds before his fingers entered her.

“Fuck,” she panted as Rowan added another finger, pumping in and out as he kissed her thighs once more.

Aelin’s hands fisted the sheets, her head falling back against the mattress. She lost her ability to form thoughts. The only thing she could think about was Rowan and his fingers and the sight of him between her legs.

“Rowan,” she moaned. “ _Please_. More.”

A deep growl came from Rowan at the sound of Aelin begging for him. With one hand gripping her thigh, Rowan brought his mouth to her centre. And with one swift lick, he had Aelin arching off the bed, moaning and panting as her hands flew to his hair.

He continued to work at her folds, his tongue working her, devouring her as his fingers continued to push into her heated core.

She grinded her hips against him as Rowan planted a kiss on her clit. She was so close, her fists tightening in Rowan’s hair.

He worked her, building her up. Rowan added a third finger just as his teeth nipped at her clit and Aelin was pushed over the edge. She screamed, crying out as her release rocked her. And only when she was lying before him, panting heavily, did Rowan crawl back up to her.

She groaned as he claimed her lips with his, tasting herself, and causing the heat between her legs to build again.

Rowan dropped his head, resting against Aelin’s neck. She could feel him breathing in her scent, placing a tender kiss on her shoulder before rising onto his hands. His eyes burned into hers, asking the questions Aelin was more than ready to answer.

There with Rowan, being that close to him, if felt more than right. It felt like every twist and turn in their lives had led them to that moment, pushing them and guiding them. There with Rowan, Aelin didn’t think, she didn’t worry, she didn’t feel anything but love.

There with Rowan, she felt at home.

With her hands gently resting on either side of his face, Aelin leaned forward and placed the most adoring kiss on his lips.

“I love you,” she breathed. “I want  _you_.”

Rowan kissed her back with just as much ferocity before pulling back. He reached across the bed, opening his bedside table and pulling out a condom.

“Someone’s prepared.” Aelin kept her eyes locked on Rowan as he moved towards her.

There was a joke in there, a witty comment waiting to be said, but the moment didn’t call for it. Rowan simply locked eyes with her, sending her a wink as he ripped open the packaging.

Once the condom was in place, Rowan hovered over Aelin again. He brought a hand to her cheek, brushing his thumb along her bottom lip before kissing her, slow and deep.

The moment couldn’t feel more right.

Aelin’s breath hitched before she moaned against Rowan’s lips as he entered her, agonizingly slowly.

She moaned louder and louder as every inch of him filled her, Rowan panting above her. And when she had adjusted to his length, Rowan pulled back before he moving against her once more.

The moan that left Aelin’s lips was pure sin.

Rowan simply groaned in response, thrusting his hips against hers. Again, Aelin couldn’t think. Her only thought in that moment was Rowan. The only thing that mattered was Rowan. She needed more. More of him.

Her nails raked down his shoulders, back arched and head thrown against the bed as she raised her hips to meet Rowan’s thrusts.

She felt like she was on fire. She bit her lip and opened her mouth, but the only sounds that came out were moans. The only word she could find was  _fuck_.

“Gods, Aelin,” Rowan growled above her, his head falling into her neck as he kept moving against her.

She could feel her climax building and building. And it was when Rowan started nipping and sucking on the skin where her neck and shoulder met that a wave of pleasure crashed through her, causing her to call out Rowan’s name, her hips lifting off of the bed.

Rowan continued to thrust into her, letting her ride out her orgasm. Aelin clawed her nails up his back, bringing his face to hers. She gave him a heated kiss, moaning his name. And as she bit and sucked on his bottom lip, it was enough to make his whole body go tense, locking up as his own orgasm rocked through him.

They both lay there for a moment, panting heavily as a glorious haze took over.

Slowly, Rowan pulled out of her, and once the condom was disposed of, he joined Aelin back on the bed. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close before leaning over and placing a kiss on her forehead.

A silence fell between them as Aelin cuddled into Rowan’s side. With his arm around her, she rested her head on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat.

“The first time I saw you, I remember thinking you were more trouble than you were worth,” Rowan said, his voice deep and heavy as he played with the ends of her hair.

Aelin shifted so she was resting her chin on his chest, looking up at Rowan’s face.

“But I was wrong,” he continued. “You’re trouble, but you’re definitely worth it.”

“I’m glad you think so.” Aelin gave him a lopsided smile. “The first time I saw you, I thought you were a stuck up dick.”

Rowan’s laughed vibrated in his chest.

“But I think that was because when I looked at you, I saw myself,” Aelin explained. “And I didn’t like what I saw. But now when I look at you, I see love and hope. I feel safe and at home.”

The smallest smile graced Rowan’s face. Leaning down, he pressed his lips against hers. The kiss was soft, gentle, unhurried.

“I’ve never felt more whole than I have with you,” he breathed.

Aelin couldn’t help but smile into his lips. “I love you, Buzzard.”

Rowan’s deep chuckle rocked them both, “I love you too, Fireheart.”

——————–

“What are you reading?”

Lysandra looked up from where she was lounging across her bed. Well, lounging as best as she could, considering she was five months along. She was definitely past the stage where flowing tops hid her bump. She truly did look pregnant which caused a lot of rumors and gossip to spread around her once she got back to school after Christmas break.

She couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her lips when she saw Aedion standing in her doorway.

“Just some parenting and baby books,” she said, sitting up on her bed. “Thanks for coming over. I was feeling lonely.”

“Well, seeing as your father is working a night shift, I figured it was safe.” It was meant as a joke, but Lysandra could see the hesitation in Aedion’s eyes as he spoke.

She couldn’t help but think back to a few weeks before, when they finally came out to their parents about the pregnancy. To say Lysandra’s dad didn’t take it well was kind of an understatement. There was a lot of yelling, followed by Aedion getting kicked out of the house, then a week of silence between the father and daughter. It was only last week that her dad started talking to her again.

“He’ll come around,” Lysandra said softly. “We just have to give him time. He’s already warming up to the idea I think.”

Aedion simply raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing Lysandra’s words. But he didn’t comment as he walked further into the room.

“How are your parents doing?” She asked, as Aedion sat across from her on the bed.

Ashlyn and Gavriel took the news better than Lysandra’s dad did. But Lysandra figured it was because they were mostly in shock when they told them about the baby.

“Coming around I think,” Aedion said. “Mom was saying something about being too young to be a grandmother the other day. But last night I found her looking at baby clothes,” a sparkle appeared in Aedion’s eyes. “She’s hoping for a girl, I think, while dad wants a grandson. It wouldn’t surprise me if they start a bet soon.”

“Aelin could probably join them. I think she’s hoping for a niece to dress up.”

She tried to keep her tone nice and light, but it was harder than she thought it would be. Hearing how excited Aedion’s parents were, it hurt. Hurt that her own father was basically the complete opposite.

“He’ll come around,” Aedion spoke up, voice gentle as Lysandra gave him a grateful smile.

A silence fell around them. Aedion picked up one of the many books on the bed and started mindlessly flipping through the pages. Lysandra kept her eyes trained on him, watching as his blonde hair flopped in his eyes.

“People at school are starting to notice.” The words were out before she even realized what she was saying.

“Hmmm.” Aedion didn’t so much as look up from the book.

“It’s going to get out soon.”

“Definitely.”

“People are going to talk,” she continued. “They’re going to say-”

“It doesn’t matter what they say.” Aedion closed the book, throwing it on the bed as he moved closer to Lysandra. “We’ll prove them all wrong.”

Lysandra liked to think of herself as a pretty strong person. She was prepared to raise the baby by herself. She normally didn’t care about what other people thought of her, of her decisions and choices. But in quiet, open moments like this, she couldn’t help but remember that she  _was_ seventeen. Seventeen and pregnant.

“We’re only teenagers.” She hated how weak her voice sounded.

“And we’ll love our baby now just as much as we would if we were 25,” Aedion took her hands in his. “That’s all that matters.”

She could feel the tears pooling in her eyes, but she didn’t let them fall as she smiled. Leaning in, she placed a soft, loving kiss on Aedion’s lips.

As strong as she was, she was grateful every day that she had Aedion by her side through the whole thing.

“I was thinking-” Aedion breathed as he pulled back, his face resting inches from hers- “maybe we should look for a small apartment here in town.”

Lysandra blinked, leaning back slightly so she could see Aedion’s face better.

“What about college?” She asked. “You want to go to-”

“I can take a year off.” His eyes never left hers as he spoke. “Watch the baby while you finish high school.”

“Aedion…”

“We don’t need to decide now,” he said quickly. “We’ll think about it. Make the decision in a few months-”

Lysandra suddenly laughed, which just earned her a look of confusion from Aedion.

“No, Aedion-” she quickly grabbed his hand, placing it on her small, round belly- “Feel.”

Silence draped over them for a few moments. Aedion kept his brows pinched in confusion, as his hand rested on her stomach, with Lysandra’s hand on top of his. It didn’t take long for Lysandra to feel it. It almost felt like bubbles in her stomach, a fluttering feeling. And by the way Aedion’s eyes grew wide, she knew he had felt it too.

“Was that…” Aedion’s gaze moved to meet Lysandra’s as she nodded.

“That’s our baby.”

A grin broke out on Aedion’s face as he leaned forward, his lips meeting Lysandra’s as the baby kicked again.

“We’ll figure this all out,” Lysandra mumbled into the kiss, causing Aedion to smile against her lips.

“We’ll figure this all out,” he agreed. “Together.”


	18. Those stars didn’t stand a chance.

“Follow the car at all times. Don’t take  _any_  detours. None whatsoever.”

Rowan had to bite the inside of his cheek. He held back his smile as Aelin gave him a pointed look.

“Yes dad,” she nodded. She handed her skating bag off to Rowan so he could load it up in the backseat of his truck. “We’ve already been over this. Loads of times.”

“And going over it once more isn’t going to hurt.” Rhoe raised an eyebrow at his daughter. “The weather is suppose to turn nasty the further north we get. So you need to-”

“Be careful and stay close to the car.” Aelin crossed her arms over her chest, facing her father. “I  _know_ , Dad.”

Rhoe’s eyebrows started to climb further up his forehead, the tension in the air slowly starting to turn thick. Rowan could tell Rhoe was going to make them ride with him and Evalin any minute. So before a full on argument between father and daughter could break out, Rowan stepped in.

“We’ll be behind you the whole time, Mr. Galathynius.” Rowan turned around as he closed the back door to his truck.

Rhoe shifted his gaze from Aelin to Rowan, that hard and intense look still shining in his eyes. The cold early-morning winter wind blew past them as the moment dragged on, until Rhoe took in a breath, nodding his head.

“Make sure everything is ready to go,” he said at last, eyes shifting from Rowan back to Aelin. “I’m going to make sure your mother is all ready to go.”

Without waiting for a reply, Rhoe turned on his heel and walked to where Evalin was standing next to their car.

“He’s been repeating himself ever since he found out about the bad weather in Allsobrook a few days ago,” Aelin said with a sigh, shaking her head. “It’s getting annoying.”

“He’s just worried.” Rowan leaned back against the truck, pulling his coat tightly around himself.

It was currently 5 AM, at the end of January. To say it was cold out was an understatement. They were going to leave for Nationals yesterday after school, but the adults decided to leave early the next morning instead, with Allsobrook being only a 5-hour drive away and Aelin not having to skate her long program until around mid-afternoon.

“I know,” Aelin sighed. “But he could worry a little less.”

“He’s your father, Aelin,” Rowan said. “He’s always going to worry.”

Aelin simply hummed her agreement before taking slow steps towards Rowan, a sly smile starting to form on her lips.

“And are you worried?” Aelin’s voice dropped slightly, making it so her parents and uncles couldn’t hear her.

Rowan raised an eyebrow. “About the weather?”

“About being stuck in a car with just me for 5 hours.”

“No,” Rowan said. “Should I be?”

The smile on Aelin’s lips turned wicked. “Maybe. I can get  _very_  bored on long drives.”

“Is that so?” Rowan could feel his own smile pulling on the corner of his lips as Aelin wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Oh yeah,” she breathed. “We may need to come up with some creative ways to keep me entertained.”

“I think we can think of something.”

Aelin leaned in a bit closer. “We may need to pull over too. It is early after all, and you’ll probably get tired at some point.”

“It’s possible.” Rowan’s voice was rough as he spoke.

“I’m sure my father would understand.”

“I’m sure he would.”

Rowan could feel Aelin’s lips brush his as he spoke, feel her breath on his face as she laughed. But just before he could pull her closer, take her lips fully against his, Evalin called out.

“Okay everyone. Let’s get going.”

A groan left Aelin’s lips as Rowan chuckled, though he would be lying if he said he wasn’t extremely disappointed with the loss of contact.

After a few short moments of goodbyes and Rhoe telling them one last time to be careful and follow the car, they all piled into their respective vehicles and started the five hour drive towards Nationals.

It was a beautiful morning if Rowan was being honest, despite how cold it was. The sun was just starting to rise above the treeline, and the sky was a mix of dark blue, purple, and orange. A light fluffy blanket of snow covered the ground.

It was breathtaking. The calm before the storm.

Rowan drove down the road and out of town, always staying behind the car in front of him. The last thing he wanted was to get on his girlfriend’s father’s bad side.

Evalin and Rhoe were driving to Allsobrook with Weylan and Orlan. Lysandra and Aedion were leaving later on that morning, after Lysandra’s doctor’s appointment at 9am. Nehemia was driving down with her parents later on in the morning as well. Aelin’s Uncle Gavirel and Aunt Ashlin were driving down tomorrow morning to watch her skate her long program. That left Rowan and Aelin to drive down alone in his truck. Something he was sure only happened because there wasn’t enough room for Rhoe, Evalin, Weylan and Orlon plus him and Aelin in their car. Really, Rhoe still wasn’t too fond of the idea, but Rowan was positive Evalin had convinced him it was okay. Something Rowan was grateful for.

And Aelin didn’t know it, but Fenrys, Connall, and Vaughan were also making the trip to watch her. Along with Dorian, Chaol, and Elide. Rowan asked them all a few weeks back what they thought of driving to Nationals to surprise Aelin and watch her compete. They all agreed immediately.

Rowan couldn’t wait to see the look on Aelin’s face when she saw everyone there. All her friends, people she loved and cared so much about, watching her. Supporting her. Loving her. Being there for her.

Just the thought warmed his heart.

Taking his eyes off the road for half a second, Rowan glanced over at Aelin. She was curled up in the seat, feet tucked under her as she scrolled through her phone, lightly humming along to the music coming from the speakers.

She looked so comfortable. So content and relaxed. So breathtaking.

Rowan felt his heart leap at the sight before he turned back to the road.

Over the past month, the moments he and Aelin could spend together were few and far between. With all of Aelin’s extra practices thrown in on top of her old practice times, plus hockey practice and games for Rowan, not to mention school, it was hard to find a time where they could hang out just the two of them. So to have these 5 hours where it was just him, Aelin, and the open road, it was nice.

“Where are the snacks?” Aelin leaned into the backseat of the truck, digging through bags. “Don’t tell me they’re in the car with mom and dad.”

“We haven’t even been on the road for an hour yet, Aelin.” Rowan couldn’t help but laugh as he spoke, quickly glancing over at Aelin. “How do you need snacks already?”

“I haven’t eaten yet today,” Aelin sat back in her chair, pulling on her phone before bringing it to her ear. “Hi mom. Are you stopping anytime soon? I’m hungry and I think the snacks are in the car with you…”

“If you keep this up they’re going to make us get in the car with them.” Rowan shook his head.

Aelin’s response was to stick her tongue out at him.

The past month had been like taking a breath of fresh air. Rowan couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so happy, content. He couldn’t remember the last time he laughed so easily, constantly wore a smile on his face. All of those things were getting easier and easier every day. Sure, there were still bad days, both he and Aelin had them. But they were always there for each other, always helping and comforting one another.

All of this, the smiles and laughs, was because of the blonde beauty sitting in the seat next to him.

Aelin made it easy. It was easy to be happy around her, to laugh at the witty things she said. Everything they did, it was easy. As if they were fated to be together all along. And the easiest thing of all, was how easy it was for him to love her. With his fully broken and healing heart.

A heart that was becoming fuller each and every day. Because of Aelin.

“What are you thinking about?”

Rowan flicked his gaze over to Aelin. She was curled up on the seat again, her elbow resting on the centre console. Her chin was rested on her hand as she gazed up at him, a sly smile pulling on her full lips.

“How easy everything is between us,” Rowan answered truthfully. He sent Aelin his own smile before turning back to the road. “How beautiful you are. And how much I love you.”

“Hmmm,” Aelin’s smile grew wider. “Go back to how beautiful I am, that one was my favourite.”

A deep chuckle escaped Rowan’s lips. “Of course it was.”

He expected another witty reply, another sarcastic comment. He waited for it but it didn’t come.

Moving his gaze back over to Aelin, Rowan found her watching him with a far off look in her eyes, that smug smile still on her lips.

“What are you thinking, fireheart?”

The gold in her eyes seemed to burn brighter. “You don’t want to know what I’m thinking.”

Rowan felt a pull in the pit of his stomach at the tone in her voice.

“I think I do.”

Aelin leaned in closer to Rowan, as close as she could get. Tearing his gaze from the road, Rowan watched as her eyes sparkled in the early morning light.

“I’m thinking,” her voice dropped as she looked at him through her lashes for a moment longer before pulling back, “how much your taste in music sucks. Like, what is this?”

Rowan let out a breath before rolling his eyes, his gaze going back to the road.

“You think everyone’s taste in music sucks if it isn’t the same as yours.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Rowan saw Aelin unplug his phone before plugging in hers.

“I’m taking over the radio, Buzzard.”

No sooner than when the words left her mouth, the opening chords of an AC/DC song started to fill the truck.

Rowan fought back another roll eye, but a laugh did make its way onto his lips. Of course Aelin would want to listen to rock music before seven in the morning.

For a long moment, the heavy guitar was the only sound that filled the truck. A comfortable silence fell around them as they continued to drive down the road, still trailing the car.

“I love you too, by the way.”

Rowan cut his gaze back to Aelin, only to find her watching him again. Gone was the sly smile. It was replaced with a more loving and tender one, her eyes swimming with emotion.

“Just thought you should know.” Her eyes twinkled as she gave a lazy shrug of her shoulders.

Rowan reached between them, intertwining his fingers with Aelin’s as he brought her hand to his lips, placing a cherishing kiss on it.

“I know you do,” he said. “But I’ll never get tired of hearing you say it.”

“Good.” Aelin’s smile grew wider. “Because I’ll never get tired of saying it.”

Giving her hand a squeeze, Rowan turned back to the road, keeping their fingers locked as he drove. His heart swelled with warmth and love.

He really did, and always would, love his fireheart. To whatever end.

——————-

Saying the weather got bad when they were just 2 hours away from Allsobrook was an understatement. The roads were coated in a slick layer of snow and ice. The wind howled and raged outside the truck. Snow came down from the sky so thick that Rowan almost couldn’t see the car in front of him.

It took them almost an extra two hours to finally pull into the Allsobrook ice rink parking lot. They thankfully all made it, safe and sound.

They bundled up in their coats before braving the ice and snow, and grabbed all the bags they needed before racing off towards the main entrance of the arena.

Stepping through those double doors, was like stepping into another world.

The first thing that hit Rowan’s nose was the smell of hairspray. A lot of hairspray.

Multiple people stood around the lobby. Some were getting their hair and makeup done. Some were running in place, jumping up and down, warming up. Some were simply talking. But most were lined up by the table set up next to the entrance that lead to the bleachers.

The atmosphere was crazy and intense. A different kind of intense than he was used to from hockey games. This was of a more quiet tension. A deadly tension. There was no yelling or cheering or whistling. Every skater was in their own world, their own little bubble. There were no team chants or dance parties. There was just a low hum of talk between skaters and coaches.

Rowan’s eyes flicked over to Aelin, who was standing next to him with her skating bag thrown over her shoulder. Her eyes shined bright in the lobby light, excitement written all over her face.

Rowan was better when it came to loud, raging tension. The tension of a battle field. But Aelin, Aelin was trained for  _this_. A quiet deadly atmosphere.

This was what she lived for.

“Get registered and met us in the stands,” Weylan spoke up, glancing over at Aelin as he walked past her. “We’re already running late.”

And just like that, with just a quick smile from Olron, both the coaches were gone.

Rowan shot Aelin a confused look. “We have another two or so hours before you skate.”

“Yeah, that’s late to Uncle Weylan,” Aelin sighed.

“We’re normally here four hours before she skates,” Rhoe chuckled, coming up from behind. “We’ll be with your uncles in the stands. Here, give me your bags.”

Rowan and Aelin passed over the few bags they had - the ones that mainly contained Aelin’s make-up, hair products, and dress. The only bag that Aelin kept was her skating bag.  _I hate letting it out on my sight on competition day_ , she told him once.

Once Rhoe and Evalin left, making their way after Weylan and Orlon, Rowan and Aelin started to make their way to the registration line.

“Skating competitions are far more intense than hockey games,” Rowan admitted as he glanced around the room, taking in all the warm ups and pep talks going on around them.

“Of course they are.”Aelin turned around to face him, a teasing smile on her face. “That’s because you hockey players are big babies.”

Rowan simply rolled his eyes. But he couldn’t stop the smile that started to pull on his lips as Aelin took a step towards him.

“Are you getting intimidated by all the figure skaters, Buzzard?”

Rowan decided to amuse her. “If they’re all like you, then yes.”

A laugh bubbled out of Aelin’s lips. But before she could comment, someone’s back collided into her.

“Fuck. I’m sorry…” The tall, dark haired boy turned around. However, when his gaze landed on Aelin, his hazel eyes started to sparkle with laughter. “Well look who it is. I should have known.”

Rowan watched in confusion as an over dramatic sigh made its way out of Aelin’s mouth, and a sly smile slowly formed on her lips.

“And here I was having a good day.”

“Is this our thing now?” Long-haired guy said, as if Aelin hadn’t even spoken. “Banging into each other at competitions?”

Rowan couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow, his gaze shifting between the two as Aelin rolled her eyes.

“Isn’t your thing at competitions hanging out in front of the bathrooms?” There was laughter lacing her voice as she pointed behind her. “The ladies room is that way, by the way.”

“Look at you with all the jokes.” A laugh left the stranger’s lips as he crossed his arms. “This is much better than the looks of pure death you were giving me last time.”

“Don’t worry. I can kill you 32 different ways with just a bobby pin. And there are tons of those around today.”

“Of course you can. Why am I not surprised?” The stranger shook his head before his gaze turned to Rowan. “Be careful with this one, she’s scary when she’s in a mood.”

Despite the slight weariness he was feeling, Rowan couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Trust me,” he said, wrapping an arm around Aelin’s shoulders. “I know.”

“I’d be careful with what you say if I were you.” Aelin narrowed her eyes at Rowan, but laughter lit up her face as a smile tugged at her lips. Then she turned back to the guy in front of them. “I guess I should introduce you guys. Cassian, this is my boyfriend Rowan. Rowan, Cassian. He skates with the Velaris Starlight Skating Club.”

“Hey, man.” Cassian held out his hand, and Rowan accepted the shake.

“Hey.”

“Cassian, what the hell are you doing?”

Rowan glanced over Cassian’s shoulder, and saw two more boys making their way towards them. They both had the same dark hair as Cassian, just much shorter, and the same tan skin. One even had the same hazel eyes while the others were violet. In Rowan’s opinion, the three could have passed as brothers.

The one with violet eyes groaned as they came to a stop.

“Where are the bags? Did you even go to the car yet?”

“Nesta already said she’s going to burn off your balls four times.” The other one spoke, causing Cassian to roll his eyes.

“She says that four times a day anyways,” he said. But Rowan could have sworn he saw some fear flash in his eyes. “I got distracted. Look who I had the pleasure of banging into.”

Two pairs of eyes turned to Aelin and Rowan, a smile lighting up the face of the one with the violet eyes.

Aelin returned the smile. “Hey, Rhysand.”

“Hey Aelin,” he said, clapping a hand on the back of the boy next to him. “You didn’t meet Azriel last time, did you?”

Aelin shook her head before sticking out her hand. Slowly, Azriel accepted the handshake, giving her a nod and a smile.

“This is Rowan.” She introduced him again as Rowan shook their hands, saying a quick hello.

“It’s good to see you again,” Rhysand said with a smile, “but we really need to get going. The girls are in the bathroom getting ready and Cass was supposed to  _quickly_  go get the bag of makeup left in the car. But clearly, he loves pissing off Nesta too much.”

“That woman gets pissed off no matter what I do.” Cassian rolled his eyes.

“But now you’re going to have a pissed off Nesta and Mor on your hands.” Azriel pointed out.

Cassian took in a breath. “Damn.”

Aelin laughed as a chuckle worked its way out of Rowan’s lips. They all said a quick goodbye, with promises to see each other again before the competition ended, then it was just Rowan and Aelin in line by themselves.

The registration line moved pretty quickly. When they reached the table, Aelin stated her name and where she skated before passing in her music. They handed her a badge that said “skater” before sending them on through the double doors.

If Rowan thought the lobby was intense, it was nothing compared to being in the actual stadium.

With hockey, the crowd was loud and rowdy. They were always yelling and cheering, and never a quiet moment. But there, at the skating competition, it was almost the opposite.

It wasn’t quiet by any means. But there was no trash talk, no screaming. The stands were packed and people cheered when a skater entered the ice, landed a jump, and left the ice. Music filled the space around them. Skaters were jogging around the rink, warming up. The smell of hairspray grew, if that was even possible.

Rowan stood there for a moment, taking it all in. It was only when he felt a hand slide into his that he blinked.

Glancing down, he took in Aelin’s face. The small smile on her lips, the nervous twinkle in her bright eyes. The sight of her looking up at him like that caused his heart to jump in his chest.

Returning the smile, Rowan gave her hand a squeeze, and they made their way hand in hand to where her parents and uncles were sitting.

“Okay,” Weylan said when he saw Rowan and Aelin walking towards him. “Let’s get a move on. You need to get ready and start your warm up. We’re behind because of the bad weather.”

“Go get dressed and ready, then meet us by the canteen to start your warm up,” Orlon added. “You have to be on the ice in an hour and a half, so say your good lucks now. You won’t be back until after your skate.”

Rowan could tell Aelin was resisting the urge to roll her eyes as she nodded, while her Uncles left to walk around and scope out the competition.

“Come on, Aelin,” Evalin said, picking up the bags of makeup and hair products.

Aelin gave Rowan one more smile before letting go of his hand, following after her mother as they walked towards the bathrooms.

Rowan sat in the stands with Rhoe, talking and watching the competition going on around them. It didn’t take long for Nehemia and her family to show up, joining them. She asked him if they had heard from Lysandra and Aedion yet, but Rowan shook his head.

“It’s gotten really bad out,” Nehemia’s mother said. “They’re probably just really taking their time. Especially because Lysandra’s pregnant.”

Rhoe nodded. “They’ll be here soon.”

The group continued to chat and watch the competition. Nehemia answered some of the questions Rowan had about exactly how the competition worked, while the adults held their own conversation.

Rowan couldn’t help but shake his head as Nehemia explained the judging system to him.

“And I thought hockey rules could get complicated.”

“The rules of hockey only seem complicated because your little brains can’t comprehend them.”

Looking up, Rowan felt all the air leave his lungs.

Aelin stood before them, dressed in a strappy, black skating dress that sparkled beautifully in the light. Her long, blonde curls were pulled back in a tight bun, and her eyes seemed to be shining brighter than ever against her dark eye makeup, as her dark red lips pulled back into a sly smile.

She was the most breathtaking assassin Rowan had ever seen.

“You look beautiful, Aelin,” Nehemia said as she stood up from her seat next to Rowan.

“You made it!” Aelin smiled brightly as Nehemia walked over to her, pulling her into a hug. “Any word on Lys and Aedion yet?”

Nehemia shook her head. “They’ll be here soon. The roads are horrible, so Aedion’s probably taking his time.”

“He  _better_  be taking his time.” Evalin placed all the bags down before turning to her daughter. “And you’d better get going - your Uncles are waiting.”

Aelin nodded her head, her mother pulling her in for a hug. Evalin kissed Aelin’s forehead, wishing her good luck before her father stepped in.

Once everyone else had wished her a good skate, Rowan stepped forward. He pulled her as close to him as possible, holding her to his chest.

“You made it, Fireheart,” he whispered into her hair, placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

“I did,” she said softly, taking a step back. She gazed up at Rowan with a look of pure happiness and love on her face before placing the softest kiss on his lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

With one last kiss, Aelin stepped back. She waved and said goodbye to everyone one more time before grabbing her skating bag.

“Hey,” Rowan called out to her, as she started to walk away. She turned to him, raising a questioning eyebrow as a smile formed on Rowan’s lips. “Go rattle the stars, okay?”

A smile slowly grew on Aelin’s lips. She sent Rowan a wink before turning and disappearing into the crowd.

And as he watched her go, Rowan knew, no matter what, those stars didn’t stand a chance against his fireheart.

——————–

Aelin had never felt so happy with herself after skating a routine than she did in that moment.

She wasn’t at all nervous before she’d stepped out onto the ice. The smile she’d had on her face wasn’t half as forced as it normally was. She had gone out there and skated her Assassins Tango short program as if she were simply skating it at practice. She didn’t once think about the fact that she was  _finally_  skating at Nationals.

Even so, it still wasn’t her best skate. She didn’t even try her triple-triple and she slipped off the edge of her triple flip. But in the end, she couldn’t help but feel pleased with herself.

Because as she sat in the kiss & cry, her marks flashing on the screen before her, she finally let it sink in that she had just skated at Nationals.

She had just skated at Nationals.

Just the thought alone made her head spin.

But she didn’t  _just_  skate at Nationals. She had skated her way into 3rd place.

And going into the long program in 3rd place at Nationals wasn’t bad.

But what really hit home for her, what really made her heart sing, was the fact that when she looked up in the stands as the crowd cheered, she found Rowan watching her, clapping for her as a giant smile lit up his face.

Aelin hoisted her skating bag further up her shoulder. She weaved in and out of the crowds of people in the stands, slowly making her way towards her friends and family, the smile never completely leaving her face.

“You did amazing, sweetie.” Evalin pulled her daughter into her arms as she approached the group. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks, mom.” Aelin smiled, glancing around. “Where’s dad?”

“Your Uncle Gavriel called just as you finished your skate,” Evalin explained. “He stepped outside to take the call. He’ll be back in a minute.”

Aelin simply nodded. Then her eyes landed on Rowan.

She couldn’t help herself as a giant grin broke out on her face. Their eyes locked and Aelin knew she would  _never_  forget the look of pure pride and love on his face. Just that look alone had Aelin’s heart racing as she ran towards him. She dropped her bag at her feet before jumping into Rowan’s waiting arms. He pulled her as close to him as he possibly could, placing a loving kiss on her forehead.

“I am so proud of you, Fireheart.” He whispered in her ear.

And in that moment, Aelin realized that it didn’t matter if she placed 1st or not. As long as she had Rowan, her family, and her friends by her side, as long as she made them proud and skated her best, that’s all that mattered.

Though, placing 1st wouldn’t hurt.

“Thank you, Buzzard,” Aelin breathed, as Rowan placed her on her feet. She placed a soft kiss on his lips. “Thank you.”

“Guys. Easy on the PDA, will ya.”

Aelin’s eyes grew wide as she glanced over Rowan’s shoulder. She couldn’t believe her eyes for a moment before her smile seemingly grew even bigger.

Fenrys, Connall, and Vaughan were standing there along with Dorian, Chaol and Elide. All of them smiling at her.

“Oh my god!” She couldn’t help but laugh, walking over to Fenrys and pulling him into a hug. “What are you all doing here?”

“Watching you, obviously,” Dorian chuckled, placing a kiss on Aelin’s cheek as she hugged him.

“It was Rowan’s idea,” Connall explained, “but we were more than happy to come.”

Elide laughed as Aelin tightly wrapped her arms around her. “You looked amazing out there.”

“Thank you,” Aelin stepped back, glancing around at everyone. Her eyes stopped on Rowan for a moment, taking in the smile on his face as he watched her. Just the sight had Aelin’s smile growing even bigger. “Thank you.”

“Skate like that tomorrow and you’re going to knock everyone else off the podium,” Nehemia said, coming up behind Aelin before pulling her in for a hug.

Aelin pulled back with a smile, but it fell as she glanced around her group of her friends once more.

“Lys and Aedion still not here?” She turned her gaze back to Nehemia.

The look of worry and fear that filled Nehemiah’s gaze did little to calm Aelin’s nerves as she shook her head slowly.

“No,” she said. “I’ve called, but neither of them have answered their phones.”

“I’m sure they’re fine,” Vaughan said. “It probably got so bad out that they pulled over somewhere. Their phones could be dead or they have no service.”

His words did little to calm Aelin’s worry as she and Nehemia shared a look.

Suddenly, an arm gently wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her close.

“Try not to worry too much, fireheart,” Rowan said, kissing the top of her head.

Aelin took a deep breath. She nodded her head, smiling up at Rowan. Her heart soared with happiness as he gave her the smallest breathtaking smile.

“Rhoe? What’s wrong?”

Aelin turned her head at the sound of her mother’s voice, only to find her father slowly walking towards them. His hair was a mess and covered in snow, as was his jacket. But it was the look in his eyes, on his face, that caused Aelin’s heart to stop in her chest before completely shattering.

Suddenly, it was two years ago. Aelin had just walked through the front door of her house after getting coffee with Nehemia and Lysandra after a long practice. She was feeling good, she landed her double flip early, thanks to Sam’s help.

“Mom, dad!” She had called out as she walked through the front door. “I’m home!”

Her parents came out of the living home then. Aelin froze in place as she took in her mom’s tear-stained face. Her father’s sorrowful eyes. Before either of them had spoken, Aelin had felt her whole world completely stop.

And as her father glanced around the group, his eyes stopping on his wife before moving to his daughter, Aelin had the same feeling. The same feeling of dread and heartache.

It felt like the world came to a halt around her once more.

Her heart froze as Rowan’s grip on her tightened.

Then her father said the same words he had said to her all of those nights ago. The night her parents told her Sam was dead.

The pain and regret that shined in Rhoe’s eyes were blinding as he took a breath, his voice shaking as he spoke.

“There’s been an accident.” 


	19. και δεν θα φοβηθώ.

_Aedion pushed open the door to the ice cream parlor, basking in the chilled AC air that all but slapped him in the face.  
_

_It was only the beginning of summer, and yet the temperature was already blazing hot. He almost felt like the heat was suffocating him when he stepped outside. The moment he stepped out the door, sweat coated his skin._

_Then again, he probably shouldn’t have complained. He had been talking to Aelin the night before and it was apparently twice as hot in Italy._

_Aedion took a moment to glance around the ice cream parlor. It was booming with people. Families, teenagers, old couples. Everyone was out and about, stopping by to enjoy a cold scoop of ice cream on the insanely hot day._

_He was supposed to be meeting Fenrys there before they headed to the pond for a swim. But Fenrys him already messaged him saying he was running a bit late. Still, Aedion couldn’t help but look around, hoping he was going to be able to snatch up a table or booth to sit down in. But they were all full._

_That’s when he saw her._

_Her hair was pulled back in a long, thick, dark pony tail. Her skin darker than it normally was, holding a healthy-looking tan. Her face was basically make-up free and she was dressed in, from what Aedion could see, a white tank and jean shorts._

_She hadn’t seen him yet - she was picking at the bowl of ice cream before her. So, seeing as he had nowhere else to sit, he made his way over to her._

_“I almost didn’t recognize you.” His lips pulled up in one corner as he approached the table. “You know, without the other two by your side.”_

_Lysandra’s head snapped up. Those bright green eyes locked with his for a moment, before rolling up in her head as she snorted._

_“You’re funny.”_

_A deep chuckle escaped Aedion’s lips as he slid into the booth, sitting across from Lysandra._

_“Yes Aedion, you can sit with me.” Sarcasm laced Lysandra’s voice as she took a giant spoonful of ice cream and ate it._

_“How sweet of you to offer.”_

_Once again, Lysandra rolled those big eyes, a silence falling over the table._

_Aedion took that moment to study her. He had known Lysandra since they were little. Since Aelin threw a textbook at her head in the fourth grade. But he honestly had never paid that much attention to her before. Then again, he hardly ever saw her alone. Until that moment._

_He had never realized how stunning she was before._

_But there was something else, a sadness in her face that Aedion had never seen before. Or maybe it was anger. With her furrowed brows and pursed lips, he couldn’t really tell._

_“You seem upset,” Aedion said after a moment, breaking the silence around them._

_Lysandra ate some more ice cream as her gaze lifted to meet his._

_“I’m not upset,” she said. “I’m pissed off with your cousin for leaving me all summer to go frolic around in Italy.”_

_Aedion raised an eyebrow in amusement. “Isn’t Nehemia still here?”_

_“Yes.” Lysandra’s voice was laced with bitterness. And yet, Aedion could see those green orbs sparkling with laughter. “And working full time.”_

_Aedion couldn’t help but laugh as he reached across the table, taking the spoon from Lysandra and eating some of her ice cream._

_“You see, this is why I like being loved by all,” he said smugly. “It means I never run out of friends to hang out with.”_

_“You just_ think _you’re loved by all,” Lysandra teased. “That’s what you tell yourself to feed your ego.”_

_“I have an ego, do I?” Aedion smirked, taking another spoonful of ice cream._

_Lysandra nodded, grabbing back her spoon. “Obviously. Have you met you?”_

_Another laugh managed to make its way out of Aedion’s month. And this time, Lysandra joined him._

_Suddenly, Aedion felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He pulled it out as Lysandra ate the last of her ice cream, only to see it was a message from Fenrys, saying he’d be there in 5 minutes._

_With his phone still in his hand, Aedion glanced up at Lysandra. He watched as she tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, the trace of a smile still on her lips. And he suddenly realized he didn’t want to leave her. Not just yet._

_So without thinking too much about it, Aedion messaged Fenrys back, telling him something came up and he couldn’t hang out anymore._

_“Wanna get out of here?” Aedion asked as he placed his phone back in his pocket. “Go do something?”_

_Lysandra looked skeptical at first as she raised an eyebrow. “You don’t already have plans?”_

_“Nope.” Aedion smiled, sliding out of the booth before holding out his hand. “I’m all yours.”_

_The smile that formed on Lysandra’s lips almost knocked him off of his feet. It was dazzling, breathtaking. It lit up her whole face and caused her eyes to seem even greener._

_Aedion suddenly realized he would do anything to see that smile again._

_Lysandra placed her hand in Aedion’s, sliding out of the booth._

_“Lucky me.”_

The memory sucked all the air out of Aedion’s lungs.

He gasped as he sat back in the uncomfortable hospital chair. He didn’t even realize he was daydreaming, slipping back to the moment it all started.

Where he and Lysandra started.

With a sigh, Aedion ran a tired hand over his face. The room around him was overly bright but it felt so cold and dark. He wasn’t even sure what time of day or night it was. Sometime in the very early morning, he guessed. Not that he cared enough about the time right then. The only thing that mattered to him in that moment was the hand he was holding tightly and the heartbeat that filled the room.

Lysandra’s heartbeat.

It was just him and her in the room. All their family and friends were out in the waiting room, but Aedion needed this time for himself. He needed a moment to be alone as he held onto Lysandra’s hand. As he prayed to every god he had ever heard of that everything would be fine. That they would be fine. That she would be fine.

A fresh set of tears pooled in his eyes as he gazed at her peaceful face, those bright green eyes he loved so much were closed.

The doctors said she should wake up. There was a good chance she would wake up. But also still a chance that she wouldn’t. The doctors said that the baby seemed to be fine. But they had to wait and see if Lysandra would wake up to know for sure.

Aedion hated everything the doctors said.

But he hated himself even more for letting it happen.

Placing his other hand around Lysandra’s, Aedion gave her fingers a tight squeeze as the tears rolled down his cheeks.

He didn’t want to leave Lysandra that day in the ice cream parlor. And he didn’t want her to leave him now.

“Come on baby,” he breathed. “Wake up and show me those beautiful eyes.”

Aedion’s only answer was the steady heartbeat coming from the hospital monitor before the sound of his sobs joined in.

——————–

Aelin breathed deeply. She stared down at Lysandra’s still form laying on the bed before her, their hands tightly locked together.

She still couldn’t fully understand what was happening. She couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that Lysandra was lying in a hospital bed. She looked so peaceful, so relaxed. Like she hadn’t just been in an accident and undergone surgery.

Aedion told her what happened the moment everyone got to the hospital yesterday, leaving the rink the moment Rhoe informed them what was going on.

The roads kept getting worse and worse the closer they got to Allsobrook. But Aedion took his time the whole way. They were only about an hour out when a truck suddenly appeared on their side of the road, speeding towards them because the driver had lost control. Aedion swerved to miss the truck, but ended up hitting a patch of ice instead, rolling the car into a ditch.

Aedion walked away with a bump on the head, while Lysandra…

Aelin’s eyes trailed down Lysandra’s body slowly, taking in her broken leg, the steady rise and fall of her chest, the cuts and scrapes on her face, her swollen stomach.

The doctors did everything they could and said Lysandra should be fine. But the baby… they had to wait for her to wake up to see for sure.

The last time Aelin had felt that helpless, that terrified, that cold, was when she lost Sam. She never imagined she would ever feel that way again. She didn’t want to feel that way again. And yet, as she and Rowan drove to the hospital yesterday, every single horrible and haunting emotion hit her like a slap in the face.

The only thing keeping her tethered to the ground, the only thing keeping a hold on her, was Rowan.

He didn’t need to say anything, all he had to do was sit next to her, stand by her side, hold her hand, simply touch her in some way. He seemed to know when she was starting to slip too far into herself, and he would reach out to her, reminding her he was there. The only reason he wasn’t with her in that moment was because he went to get some coffee.

Having Rowan with her made it all the tiniest bit more bearable.

Then she would look at Lysandra, looking so small and helpless in her hospital bed, and her emotions would cycle all over again.

Taking a deep breath through her nose, Aelin gave Lysandra’s hand a squeeze, praying she’d move just a finger.

But, like all the other times before, nothing happened.

Aelin heard the door behind her slowly start to open, followed by a slow, steady set of footsteps. But she didn’t turn around, she simply kept her eyes on Lysandra.

Then again, she honestly didn’t even need to look up to see who it was.

Pulling up a chair on the other side of Lysandra, Aedion sat down without saying a word, taking Lysandra’s other hand in his.

Aelin took in the scrapes and bruises on his face, the dark circles under his eyes. His hair was pulled up messily and she saw the same haunted look in his eyes that had been in her own after Sam had died.

She could feel her heart slowly starting to break all over again as she watched Aedion stare down at Lysandra. The tenderness and agony and fear in his gaze was too much.

Tenderness and agony and fear not just for Lysandra, but also for his baby.

His and Lysandra’s baby.

He had hardly said a word to anyone after telling his story. Then again, Aelin had hardly spoken to anyone but Rowan all night. And even then it was only a few words.

“When do you leave?”

Aedion’s voice was so soft, so quiet as it bounced off the walls around them, Aelin almost didn’t hear him.

Slowly, Aelin met his gaze. The broken look in Aedion’s eyes, on his face almost caused her to look away again.

“I don’t think I  _can_  go,” Aelin admitted, looking back down at Lysandra, watching the rise and fall of her chest.

“You have to go, Aelin.” Aedion’s voice was so heavy with emotion, Aelin couldn’t help but look back at him. “Lys… she wouldn’t want you to miss this. She’ll never let you live it down when she wakes up.”

Aelin held Aedion’s gaze for a long moment, Lysandra’s heartbeat the only sound in the room.

She didn’t want to point out his mistake. She didn’t want to point out that he said  _when_  Lysandra wakes up. Not  _if_.

Because there was a chance she wouldn’t wake up. Or she would, only to find out she lost the baby. Either way, Aelin had to be there for her.

And that was why she didn’t know if she could bring herself to go back to Nationals.

Her uncles hadn’t said much to her on the subject. But she knew they needed an answer soon, she could see it in Uncle Orlon’s gaze every time she looked at him. They needed to know if she was going to finish the competition or not. But it didn’t feel right. The routine, the jumps, the spins, they all felt pointless at that point.

How could she go out there and compete after everything that had happened? After leaving right after her short to go to the hospital. After spending the whole night by her best friend’s bedside.

Worrying over a triple-triple seemed so petty right then, like such a small thing to worry about, while Lysandra was laying in the hospital.

“How do I skate, Aedion?” She finally said, tears pooling in her eyes as she held Aedion’s gaze. “How do I go out there in a sparkly dress, plaster a smile on my face, and twirl around while Lys is here? How do I skate knowing that she… she could lose the baby or not wake up? How do I do that?”

A beat passed where Aedion turned away from Aelin to look at Lysandra.

Another beat passed before his own teary-eyed gaze found Aelin’s once more.

“You skate with your heart, Aelin. That’s how you skate.” Aedion all but whispered. Aelin was sure she never saw him look so vulnerable before. “Don’t go out there worrying about what you’ll place. Just go out there and skate. Because that’s what Lysandra would want - not you throwing it all away.”

Aelin had nothing to say. Hell, she didn’t know  _what_  to say, not to that. She simply let out a breath, looking back at Aedion. She thought that was the end of the conversation, until Aedion spoke up again, breaking the silence around them.

“When Sam died, you hid your heart for over a year.”

Aelin’s eyes snapped up at the words, but Aedion’s glossy gaze was unyielding as he continued.

“You didn’t skate for months. You hid from the world, and Lys hated seeing you like that. She wouldn’t want you to do that again. She wouldn’t want to see you like that.” A pause as Aedion squeezed Lysandra’s hand. “So this time, instead of hiding your heart, go out there and show it to the world. Every lovely, hurting, painful part of it.”

The smile that was on Aedion’s face was so heartbreaking, Aelin felt her own heart break at the sight, as a tear slid down his cheek.

“Don’t skate just for Sam, or Rowan, or Lys, or even me or Nehemia. Just go out there and skate for yourself.”

——————–

She never thought that was what it would be like, standing there, waiting to perform her free skate at Nationals. Of all the emotions she thought she’d be feeling, helpless wasn’t one of them.

Out of all of her friends, she always assumed Lysandra would be there for that moment, cheering her on in the stands or skating by her side. She and Lysandra had been through everything together. From enemies to friends to sisters. She didn’t know what it was like to live in a world without Lysandra by her side. So to not see her there when she looked up in the stands was like a punch to the stomach.

She had decided to go to Nationals. Because Aedion was right, Lysandra would never forgive her if she missed her moment.

And it was time she showed the world the real Aelin Galathynius, by putting her heart out on the ice. Not just for Sam and Lysandra and Rowan and every other important person in her life, but for herself.

Aelin thought back to her short program the day before. How happy, content and pleased with herself she was after getting off the ice. How she felt like she was on top of the world and like her life was finally falling into place. She was invincible, like all the bad was behind her.

Silly of her to think that, really.

But then she thought of Rowan’s arms around her, the look of pure pride and love on his face as she walked towards him. She never wanted to forget the feeling of being in his arms as he placed a loving kiss on her forehead, the way he whispered into her ear how proud of her he was. That was the thought that kept her grounded.

That was the feeling she wanted to carry with her forever.

Aelin took in a deep breath as she watched the zamboni move slowly across the ice. She missed her warm up, having only arrived at the rink just moments ago. Any minute now her category would start and her uncles would be calling her into the dressing room. But she needed a moment just to herself, to gather her thoughts and simply  _breathe_.

Letting the sounds of the arena wash over her, Aelin stared at her reflection in the glass around the ice. She took in the simple elegant makeup Nehemia had done in the car, the loose and low bun her mother twisted in her hair.

Almost absentmindedly, she ran her hands down the front of her forest green dress. Because of the skin tone mesh above the chest, the dress appeared strapless. The bodice sparkled with the slightest movement. It flared out, babydoll style, and was completely backless, her tattoo on full display.

_και δεν θα φοβηθώ._

_And I will not be afraid._

“Hey.”

Aelin looked over her shoulder, not even trying to fight the smallest smile pulling on her lips at the sight of Rowan walking towards her.

“What are you doing here?” She asked. “You’re not supposed to be down here. This area is for skaters only.”

Rowan gave a lazy shrug as he walked closer to her. “You wouldn’t believe how easy it is to sneak down here. The Nationals people really need to rethink their security.”

Despite herself, despite how she was feeling and everything going on in her life at the moment, Aelin laughed.

With a smile on the corner of his lips, Rowan wrapped his arms around Aelin. He pulled her in close before placing a cherishing kiss on her head.

“I had to wish you good luck before you got on the ice,” he all but whispered into her hair. “And tell you how incredibly proud I am of you for doing this.”

“I wouldn’t be able to do it without you by my side,” she whispered back.

Pulling back slightly, Rowan placed his hand on Aelin’s chin. He bent forward, his lips meeting hers. Aelin poured every bit of love she had in her heart into the kiss. Everything she ever felt for Rowan, she told in the form of a kiss.

Kissing Rowan was like breathing. She needed his lips on hers or she felt like she would die. Kissing Rowan brought her to life. It caught her on fire, sending her to ashes before she was reborn again. She was a live wire when his lips were on hers. And she loved every second of it.

“Rowan,” Aelin said when they pulled apart, her forehead resting against his, “I’m glad I woke up pantsless in your bed that morning.”

A deep chuckle vibrated in Rowan’s chest. “I’m glad you did too.”

He wrapped his arms tighter around her once more. And it was only as she hugged him back with as much strength as she could, that she realized she had tears in her eyes. Tears that she didn’t let fall.

“I love you,” she breathed, pulling back to meet Rowan’s gaze.

“I love you too, Fireheart.” Rowan brought his hand to gently rest on her cheek. “I’ll be cheering you on, to whatever end.”

Aelin placed one last lovely kiss on Rowan’s lips. She held onto him as if he was her lifeline before he finally turned and walked away, heading back into the stands where everyone else was sitting, waiting, and watching.

“Looks like lover boy made it this time.”

Taking a deep breath in through her nose, Aelin turned around slowly. The zamboni was done cleaning the ice. They were just waiting for the announcers to come over the speakers and introduce the first group of skaters, most of which were standing by the ice. Waiting.

Aelin looked back over her shoulder, where Rowan was just standing.

“He was always here,” she said, slowly turning back around, the smallest smile on her lips. “I just never realized it until now.”

Nesta rolled her eyes back in her head, a groan escaping her lips.

“God. You’re just as bad as Feyre and Rhys.”

“Knock it off, Nesta.” Mor stepped forward before Aelin had a chance to speak up. She glared at Nesta for a moment before her gaze cut to Aelin.

“I heard about Lysandra,” she said, her voice soft and expression gentle. “I just want to say I’m sorry. She’s a really good skater. And if she’s any bit as strong as you seem, she’ll pull through.”

It was at moments like this that Aelin was reminded how much like high school the figure skating community was. News traveled faster than wildfire.

Her smile slipped slightly, but she kept her head high.

“Thanks, Mor,” she said, and meant it. But before she could say anything else, she could see her uncles making their way towards her. “I should get going.”

Aelin gave them one last, tiny smile before she started walking over to meet her uncles.

“Hey. Hothead.”

Aelin paused mid-step, turning around to find Nesta giving her a nod, the tiniest trace of a smug smile on her lips.

“Good luck out there today.”

Aelin couldn’t help herself as her own smile turned the smallest bit wicked, just as the announcer’s voice filled the whole stadium.

“You too, Nesta.”

With one final smile between them, Aelin turned and walked away, meeting up with her uncles.

Not much was said between them as they lead her into the dressing room. Aside from the typical competition day talk, they were silent.

Aelin went through her off-ice warm ups, she fixed her hair and makeup, and she stretched before drinking some water. The whole time, her mind kept wandering back to Lysandra, laying in the hospital bed.

As she waited on the sidelines for her turn to skate, her heart became heavier and heavier in her chest.

She thought of the routine she was about to skate, a routine she made for Sam. Made for him because he was taken too soon. Taken because of a car accident. If she somehow lost Lysandra and the baby for the same reason…

Aelin held her head high as skater after skater stepped out onto the ice. She didn’t allow herself to think of it, of losing Lysandra. She was strong, she could do this.

She would do this.

She was strong.

She could do this.

Because she was Aelin Galathynius, and she would not be afraid.

_“What are you saying?” Ten-year-old Aelin looked up at eleven-year-old Sam._

_He was pacing back and forth in his dressing room, waiting for his turn to step out onto the ice and compete. But when Aelin spoke, he stopped, taking in a deep breath before walking over and sitting next to her._

_“Whenever I’m scared, I say ‘My name is Sam Cortland, and I will not be afraid’.” He explained. “I’ve been doing it for years.”_

_Aelin raised an eyebrow at him. “And that actually works?”_

_Sam let a laugh escape his lips. “Sometimes. It makes me feel a bit better, at least. Or just makes me laugh at myself a bit.”_

“Breathe as you set everything up,” Uncle Weylan said, as Aelin stood on the ice before him. She felt like her heart was in her stomach as she kept her eyes locked on her uncles, waiting for her name to be called. “Keep your back straight. Pull…”

Aelin raised an eyebrow slightly as Uncle Weylan trailed off. He closed his eyes for a moment, taking in a breath before looking back at Aelin.

“I’ve been telling you to remember the same things for years now,” he said, much to the surprise of Aelin and Orlon. “But something I’ve never told you is to have fun. So -” he reached forward, taking Aelin’s hands in his - “Go out there and have fun, Aelin.”

With a sad smile pulling on her lips, Aelin nodded, giving Uncle Weylan’s hands a squeeze before she turned to Uncle Orlon.

“Show them what you can do,” he said, a smile on his own lips.

_“Representing Rifthold Royals Figure Skating Club, Aelin Galathynius!”_

With one final nod and squeeze of her uncle’s hands, Aelin took in a deep breath. The crowd clapped and cheered as she skated to her starting position. As she took her place in the centre of the ice.

And in that short, quiet moment where the crowd died down and the music hadn’t started yet, Aelin closed her eyes.

She breathed in the brisk air around her, digging deep into her heart, just as the soft music filled the arena.

But Aelin didn’t listen to the music, she didn’t let the crowd feed her like she normally did. No, instead of being at Nationals, she was back on her pond.

The only sounds she heard were that of the bitter winter wind and her blades carving up any uneven surface.

And as she set up her first jump - her triple-triple - she looked up, her eyes somehow finding Rowan. And in that moment, she was back to that day in the stadium, when she first landed the jump.

“ _Have fun with this, Aelin.”_

_“I love you, Fireheart.”_

The minute she stuck her toepick in the ice, she allowed the smallest smile to grace her lips.

She landed the triple lutz before digging her toe back into the ice. She took in the wind blowing past her as she spun through the air. And before she knew it, she was back on the ground, holding her landing position perfectly.

Happiness overcame her as the crowd cheered, her eyes glossing over, but she didn’t dare let the tears fall. For the next three and a half minutes, she skated across the ice, showing everyone in the crowd, everyone watching on TV, a story. The story of a lost, heartbroken girl who was slowly finding her way.

She gave herself into her skate. She skated with everything she had. She skated with a power she didn’t know she had, an elegant and fierceness that was new to her.

She wasn’t skating with her head. She was skating with her heart.

Her heart was pushing her blades across the ice. With every push, every step, spin, and jump, her heart spoke a different name. A name for the people who matter most in her life.

_Aedion. Lysandra. Nehemia. Her parents. Her uncles._

A name for the people who helped her become who she was.

_Sam. Chaol. Rowan._

And one name, for the broken girl who could shake the earth, who could rattle the stars.

_Aelin._

The crowd was on their feet, cheering as the music faded out.

For the first time that year, her smile at the end of her routine wasn’t forced as she bowed. And it was then that she knew that it wasn’t just Sam’s routine. It was Lysandra’s routine, Rowan’s routine, and Aedion’s and Nehemia’s, And Dorian and Chaol and Elide - it was all of their routine. But most importantly, it was  _her_  routine.

Aelin spun around, taking a bow while tears pooled in her eyes.

Immediately, her gaze found her parents, Nehemia, Fenrys, Connall and Vaughan. Dorian, Chaol and Elide. But most importantly, she found Rowan.

Her heart soared.

Because the one person she wanted to see most, the one person she wanted there for her, was there.

Aelin stood there for a heartbeat longer, taking it all in as the announcer said her name once more. She thought back to everything that had happened those last few months, those last few years. She thought of everything that led her to that very moment. She thought of every bit of pain, happiness, love, and fear she had endured that had led her to stand in that very spot.

As Aelin looked up at the crowd cheering her on, she did something she had never allowed herself to do before.

She cried.

The tears ran down her cheeks in streams as a sob escaped her. Her hand flew to her mouth, but the tears kept coming.

She cried for Sam, for Lyria, for Lysandra, for Rowan, for Aedion. She cried for everyone in her life who ever felt the slightest bit of pain.

She cried for herself.

And as she glanced up at her family and friends one more time, a sudden realization hit her.

A realization that, despite all the pain and heartbreak in her life, despite the fact that Lysandra was currently in the hospital, maybe - just maybe - everything would be okay in the end.

Aelin’s gaze met Rowan’s. Her heart swelled with love as he sent her a wink, mouthing  _I love you_. And Aelin mouthed it back before turning and skating towards her uncles.

And as her uncles wrapped their arms around her, a new wave of tears washed over her.

Because for the first time in a long time, Aelin felt like maybe, she was going to be okay too.


	20. Everything really truly was going to be okay.

Aelin didn’t stop as she pushed open the hospital doors.

Her heart was pounding against her ribcage. She didn’t even notice as the door closed on Rowan, though she knew he was behind her the whole time. She just couldn’t stop. It was like her body was on autopilot. She wouldn’t stop until she finally reached the hospital room.

Until she finally reached Lysandra.

Her heart raced in her chest so fast, almost feeling like it would stop at any moment.

Aelin walked right past the front desk. Past the noise-filled waiting room. Past all of the waiting husbands, mothers, sisters, brothers. She jetted past them all with a million different emotions, thoughts, and outcomes running around her head.

She pounded on the elevator button, slamming repeatedly as she waited for it to arrive. Thankfully, she only had to wait a moment for one to appear. The elevator doors weren’t even fully open as Aelin stepped inside, pushing the button for the fifth floor. Rowan stepped in behind her - just the two of them in the whole elevator.

Aelin had never noticed how slow elevators could be until that moment. It felt like it was going to take a lifetime before they even reached the fifth floor. She stood there, arms crossed, tapping her foot on the floor as adrenaline pumped through her veins. All the possibilities, the nerves, the fear slowly started to creep back in, taking hold of her mind.

If Lysandra or the baby weren’t-

Rowan’s hand suddenly shot out, landing on the small of her back.

Aelin’s head snapped towards him, her eyes locking with his. They were so warm and filled with love, just that look alone almost completely calmed her down.

Almost.

“Try not to worry so much,” Rowan said, voice deep and low. “Everything is going to be fine.”

Aelin took a deep breath, nodding. She could feel the smallest smile starting to tug on her lips, a smile which Rowan returned. He found her hand, lacing his fingers through hers before giving her hand a squeeze.

Finally, the elevator doors opened. Aelin’s heart started racing again as she and Rowan walked hand in hand down the hallway. She tried not to think too much. She tried to tell herself everything was going to be okay. It didn’t work that well, but having Rowan by her side made everything that much easier.

When they reached the room, Aelin stopped. She took a deep breath. Rowan gave her hand another squeeze before she lightly knocked on the door.

She didn’t wait for a reply. She simply pushed the door open slowly, her heart stopping at what she saw.

The room, surprisingly, was emptier than Aelin thought it would be. Aedion was standing next to the hospital bed, tears glistening in his eyes as he held onto Lysandra. Lysandra, who was lying in bed. Her hair was piled high on her head, face tired. Dark circles made her skin look paler than it actually was. And yet, there was this new glow about her. A glow, all because of the bundle of blankets now resting in her arms.

A mother’s glow.

Having sensed their presence in the doorway, Lysandra slowly lifted her gaze. A smile formed on her lips as her gaze met Aelin’s.

“Hi guys,” Lysandra said, voice low and a bit raspy. “Come in.”

With slow steps, Aelin walked into the room as if she was in a daze.

“Where is everyone?” Rowan asked softly, closing the door behind him.

“Went home to shower and change,” Aedion said, finally looking up. “Plus to pick up a few things and to make a few calls.”

Aelin stepped closer to the bed as Rowan and Aedion continued to talk, gazing down at the newest member of the Ashryver family.

The only words Aelin could use to describe her were tiny and perfect. She was small and pink, with full lips and the tiniest bit of dark hair on top of her round head.

Aelin’s heart swelled with love and happiness as she looked down at the tiny human being in her best friend’s arms.

“How are you, Lys?” Rowan asked, walking up to stand next to Aelin.

“Perfect.” She smiled up at Rowan. “Tired. But perfect.”

“She’s beautiful, Lys.” Aelin’s voice was heavy with emotion as she spoke.

Lysandra’s painfully bright eyes flicked up to Aelin, smile still on her tired face. “Do you want to hold her?”

Aelin’s heart fluttered as she smiled, nodding her head.

Slowly and carefully, Aelin took the newborn in her arms. It took her a few moments to find a comfortable position. But once she was settled, she felt like her smile was going to break her face. Her heart grew two sizes as she gazed down at the perfect, precious baby girl in her arms.

She could have held that baby for hours and never gotten tired of looking down at her cute face.

An arm wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her close. Aelin somehow managed to tear her eyes away from the bundle in her arms, only to met Rowan’s gaze. He was staring down at the baby with a raw and adoring look in his eyes. Just the sight caused Aelin’s heart to almost bust as she turned back to the baby in her arms.

The tiny human would be the most loved baby girl in the whole world. And Aelin would do everything in her power to make sure she wouldn’t know the pain Aelin had known.

“What’s her name?” Rowan said, breaking Aelin out of her thoughts.

She watched as Aedion and Lysandra shared a look, almost like they were having a silent conversation with one another. Then Lysandra turned back to them with that smile still plastered on her lips.

“Evangeline,” she said, with so much love that Aelin felt it in her bones.

Aedion sat on the edge of the bed, wrapping an arm around Lysandra. “It means bearer of good news.”

“It’s perfect,” Rowan smiled.

The conversation around Aelin continued. Rowan, Aedion, and Lysandra all talking about the baby. But Aelin didn’t comment. Her gaze went back to the girl in her arms, a smile gracing her lips.

“Hi baby girl,” she spoke softly. “I’m your Aunt Aelin. I’m gonna spoil you so much, Evangeline Ashryver.”

“Evangeline Aelin Ashryver.”

Aelin’s gaze shot up to find Lysandra watching her with a grin on her lips. Aelin couldn’t keep the shock off of her face as tears slowly started to pool in her eyes.

“Really?”

Lysandra let out a light laugh as she nodded. “Yeah. What better person to name her after than a National Figure Skating Champion?”

Her own laugh left Aelin’s lips as she looked down at the baby once more. “I always knew you were an Aelin. You are gonna cause so much trouble.”

“And she’s gonna be strong, and fearless, and the most loyal person in the world,” Lysandra added, her own tears shining in her eyes.

Aelin’s smile couldn’t possibly get any bigger as Rowan tightened his arms around her.

“Thank you,” Aelin breathed, a tear rolling down her cheek, her eyes never leaving Lysandra’s.

“No thank you needed,” Lysandra replied, her own tears running down her face.

After some time, more and more people started to show up. Nehemia, Fenrys, Connall, Elide - they all stopped by to celebrate the newest member of their group. Of their family.

Aelin handed the baby over to Rowan, taking everything in. She watched Aedion and Lysandra, holding onto each other with so much love and happiness that it broke Aelin’s heart in the most beautiful way. The thought that they almost lost both Lysandra and baby Evangeline all those months ago…

She took in a breath, her gaze landing back on Rowan as her heart swelled with love.

Aelin watched Rowan as he smiled down at the baby resting in his arms. They both looked so content, so relaxed, so peaceful. In the background, her friends’ laughter filled the room. Pictures were being taken and smiles were shared, everyone happy.

And it was then that Aelin realized, no matter what pain and heartbreak she was to endure, if she had moments like this, she would fine.

She would be okay.

——————–

Rowan sat on the bench, looking out onto the water. He was the only one there that night. The only sounds were the wind whistling through the trees and the water calmly lapping against the shore. The setting sun reflected off of the water’s surface, causing a warm tint around him. The sky glowing in pieces of pink, orange, red, and blue.

It was beautiful. And yet, Rowan couldn’t help but find the sight… strange.

It had been months since the pond had been frozen and safe to skate on, but he still wasn’t used to seeing the moving water. The liquid blue just didn’t seem right - he had a feeling he would always prefer the hard ice.

A memory suddenly clouded Rowan’s vision. He was still at the pond, but the ground around him was a frosty white instead luscious green. The water was frozen over, with one skater twirling around.

Rowan felt like he was being knocked off of his feet as he thought back to that day when he first came to the pond. As he watched, enchanted by Aelin as she skated and glided across the icy surface. She was so fearless, so strong, so beautiful. Just thinking about that day made Rowan feel breathless.

“Hey, hot stuff.”

Rowan glanced over his shoulder, not one bit surprised that Aelin had managed to sneak up on him. She was quiet when she wanted to be.

He took a moment to drink her in as she walked closer. From her long, curly, wind-blown hair to her sneaker covered feet. He took in her full lips, high cheekbones, and bright eyes. Just the sight had a smile pulling on his lips.

“What were you thinking so hard about?” She asked as she sat down next to him. Her eyes appeared more gold in the fading sun, a smile pulling on her lips as she gazed up at him.

He would never get tired of seeing her look at him like that.

“The first time I saw you out here, skating on the pond,” he told her truthfully, turning back to the road. “I stood just behind the trees, watching you-”

“Creep.”

“And I thought you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen,” Rowan finished, raising an eyebrow at her interruption.

“I take back my creep comment,” she said with a smirk.

A deep chuckle escaped Rowan’s throat as he shook his head slightly, He turned back to the water as Aelin curled up next to him. Automatically, Rowan’s arm wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her closer.

“How’s Lysandra?” He asked.

“Good,” Rowan didn’t need to look at Aelin to know she was smiling. “The doctors said she can leave tomorrow afternoon.”

“That’s good.”

Aelin hummed in agreement.

“Any particular reason you wanted me to meet you here?” Aelin asked softly, after a moment of silence. “Not that I don’t mind being in your company of course.”

Another chuckled worked its way out of Rowan’s lips, but it was laced with the slightest bit of nerves.

He did invite Aelin there for a reason. And that reason was currently sitting in his pocket. A folded up piece of paper that he got that morning and had yet to open. A piece of paper that held his entire future. A future, he didn’t want to face by himself. Which was why he hadn’t opened the letter yet. He couldn’t do it alone. He wanted Aelin by his side, just like she was, and always would be.

With a deep breath, the wind blowing past them, Rowan reached into his pocket and pulled out an unopened envelope. He stared at it for a few moments, aware of Aelin’s eyes on him the whole time.

“I got this in the mail this morning,” he explained, before lifting his gaze. He met Aelin’s eyes as he handed the envelope out to her. “It’s a letter from the University. Either telling me I got my hockey scholarship, or I didn’t. I want you to open it.”

Aelin blinked in surprise, looking from the envelope to Rowan. “You sure?”

Rowan nodded without any hesitation.

“This letter holds my future,” he explained, “and I want you to open it, because I want you to be a part of that future. Whatever the outcome.”

Aelin gave him a small crooked smile - her real smile - before taking in a breath. She reached for the envelope, taking it in her slim fingers, before slowly opening it.

Rowan never took his eyes off of her. He watched her every movement as she pulled the letter out of the envelope. Watched as she took a moment to read the words on the page.

His heart stopped when her gaze met his.

“Well,” she said slowly, carefully. Her face was unreadable for a moment before a giant grin broke out on her lips. “Looks like I get to say I’m dating a college boy now.”

It took Rowan a moment to realize exactly what she meant. He couldn’t understand her words. He simply sat there, staring at Aelin as she smiled up at him, placing her hand on his cheek.

“You got it, Rowan,” she said softly. “You’re going to University.”

The grin that formed on Rowan’s face was blinding as he pulled Aelin into his arms. He placed his lips on hers, kissing her with all of the love he held in his heart.

Aelin laughed into the kiss, pouring just as much passion and love into it as Rowan did, causing his heart to race in his chest, leaving him breathless and wanting so much more.

“I think I beat you,” he breathed as he pulled away, earning him a confused look from Aelin.

“What?”

“You said you get to tell people you’re dating a college boy,” Rowan explained, smiling as he rested his forehead against hers. “But I get to tell people I’m dating a National Figure Skating Champion.”

The laugh that left Aelin’s lips was music to his ears.

High on happiness, Rowan turned back to the water as Aelin folded her feet under her. She rested her head against Rowan’s shoulder as he played with the ends of her hair. A comfortable silence falling over them as Rowan thought of another time Aelin sat on this bench. He had invited her back to his place for hot chocolate, not knowing why, even though she hated him at the time. But maybe, somehow, deep down, he did know why he asked her over that night. Maybe, somehow, he knew even then how important Aelin was to him. How much she’d help him, love him.

“Thank you.” Rowan broke the silence around them, the waves on the pond beating against the shore.

Aelin looked up at him. “For what?”

Rowan’s eyes met hers with nothing but love in his gaze. “For being my Fireheart.”

“In that case,” Aelin smiled her crooked smile at him, “thank you for being my Buzzard.”

Rowan didn’t stop the laugh that worked its way out of his throat. He smiled, placing a kiss on Aelin’s forehead as she rested against him once more, the waves and the wind filling the comfortable silence around them.

Sitting there in those quiet moments, with his love in his arms - Rowan hadn’t been that content, that peaceful, that happy, for a long time.

“Find happiness again, Rowan.”

Lyria’s words crept up on him as Rowan thought of Lysandra and Aedion, holding their baby daughter in their arms. As he thought of him and his team winning the championship game. As he thought of his friends and family smiling and laughing. As he thought of Aelin’s face when she finished skating her long program at Nationals.

It was in that short moment of flashing images that Rowan realized that he’d done it. He’d filled Lyria’s last wish. He’d found his happiness and in the process, he realized, he’d found his way again.

Sure, he didn’t know what was going to happen in the next year, months, or even weeks. But not knowing didn’t bother him anymore.

“I love you.”

Rowan brought his gaze back to Aelin, only to find her staring up at him. The most loving look was on her face, and a soft smile was on her lips, as her eyes locked with his.

He wasn’t really sure why she had said it, but he wasn’t going to question it.

Leaning forward, Rowan captured her lips with his.

“I love you too, Aelin,” he mumbled into the kiss, his heart beating with every word. “To whatever end.”

Not knowing the future didn’t bother him anymore. Because he had realized that no matter what the future held, as long as he had his friends, his family, and his Aelin by his side, everything really truly was going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this story for months now and actually post it on my Tumblr first. All the chapters are written and will hopefully all be up within the next few weeks. Also, don't be afraid to leave comments, I'd love to hear your feedback!
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr - http://highlady-casandra.tumblr.com


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